Tugg and Hezzy were almost to their 75 mile mark at the bai when things took a turn for the worse. It was July in the Congo and it was only 73°F but with the 100% humidity you would have thought that you were in Lucifer’s toilet. Working their way through the forest with the camera crew had proved to be the worst thing they had ever agreed to. Slogging behind as usual, getting stuck everywhere; the camera crew was tired and grumpy.

“Jeezmani Crispers!” Hezzy called out to Moise as he almost dropped one of the equipment bags in the water. “Be careful you nimwits!”

“Ce serait bien si vous ne l’auriez pas trouvé un tel endroit stupide pour vous traverser idiot!” Moise shot back at him, glaring.

“I don’t know exactly what y’all said, but did I pick out ‘stupid’ and ‘idiot?’ Hey, let’s remember who’s de dummy in tha show why dahn we?” He jerked his thumb back at Tugg and gave a sharp laugh.

“C’est suffisant. On est tout aussi stupide que l’autre.” Moise laughed and climbed out of the river. Christian and E-man were next with more equipment and then Tugg, climbing up on the bank, as smooth as a cat.

“What was that all about?” He asked Hezzy.

“Twern’t nuthin,” Hezzy smiled at Moise, “Mossy called yeh a dummy, but I got yer back pardner.” Moise, Christian and E-man looked around, not wanting to get between the two Americans in their conversation.

“Sure you do.” Tugg smiled. “Allons avant le mannequin tombe.” He said to the men. They all laughed.

“Hey!” Hezzy said, “What’d you say?”

“Hurry up before the dummy falls in.” Tugg said.

It was 5:05 in the afternoon and they deliberated on camping on the bank. They had meant to hit Ball River much north from where they were now, but the government people had told them to scout the route they were taking, so that’s what they were doing. The government had hired them to film the entire trip from start to finish. Getting the lay of the land so that they could put in either a road or a railway to connect the two areas. What the government didn’t know was that they were also filming their survivor show at the same time. Killing two birds with one stone? They were happy to do it. Get paid to survey the route, and then get the footage to put together a “Survive the Congo” documentary. They hadn’t even blinked before they said yes.

Hezzy looked at the bank and gave a small grimace. “I reckon we should get away from the Goliath Fish at least.” Hezzy said.

“You watch too much TV,” Tugg said. “Around here, it’s going to be Hippos.”

“C’est vrai.” Christian said. It’s true.

“Let’s move in a bit. Maybe a mile.” Tugg said. “Do a bit of filming right here though.” He judged the light. “We got around ten minutes.” Tugg grabbed the main box and opened it up. He handed the Sony HVR to Moise and the High Def model to Hezzy.

“You got words?” Hezzy asked. “Cause it’s yer turn.”

“Yeah,” Tugg said, putting things back in the box and sealing it shut. They took turns doing the camera work. They would video about the area and alternate who would be speaking.

Hezzy shuffled around and got the sun and crew behind him. “Alright Pardner. Ready in 3…2…” And then pointed at Tugg.

“It may not seem like much, but here we are on day ten of our journey after just accomplishing seventy five miles of this vastly overgrown and horrendous terrain…” Tugg trailed off because Hezzy had brought the camera down. “What gives?” Tugg asked.

“Horrendous terrain?” Hezzy said. “Yer serious? What’s so horrendous about this mess? Tain’t bad. Just taking a long time is all.”

Tugg closed his eyes. “Again with this?” They had talked about it at some length already. Hezzy wanted to give it to them straight, like the honest redneck he was, but Tugg felt it would be better to be a little more dramatic… Good TV.

“Alright… Look. We can just take every other turn filming like we’ve already been doing. It’s just that I will tell my stuff how I want to and you can tell ‘em how you want to.” He was tired and just wanted to get it over with.

Hezzy signed but raised the camera anyway. “Alrighty then. 3… 2…” And pointed again.

“Here in the vastly overgrown terrain, it may seem like an insurmountable task to walk one hundred miles, and believe me, at times it has seemed that way. But here we are on day ten of our journey, having walked through this primordial African forest and we have come across the Ball River, which lies just ten miles southeast of Lake Telle’. With enough luck, we will be able to reach the lake within two days. From there it should be another two to three days until we reach our destination in Epena.” He smiled until Hezzy pointed at him, He walked over and  snatched the camera and walked back down to the bank.

“I like the ‘primordial African forest’ better Tugg. Heck, I’ve seen termites take down an Arkansas Maple and wouldn’t even call it ‘horrendous.’ Hezzy said.

Tugg never knew what Hezzy meant when he used those vague sayings but appreciated the imagination it took to come up with them. “Right…” Tugg said. “I’m gonna catch some B-Roll. Get the boys ready.” Turning, he stomped down the bank to the river.

“Whatever yah say boss!” Hezzy smiled and shook his head. Tugg was getting to be more and more closed off the longer this trip took. They had started three days late, gotten bogged down in the Ndoki River, and had been chased up the trees by a family of Elephants. Maybe it was a herd of them. Did five count as a herd? A family? He didn’t know.

“Hey Emmanuel! Yah almost done?” Hezzy called out to the three men, who were all three taking in the landscape with the camera and mic. E-man grimaced and looked back at him.

“Merde!” Christian exclaimed.

“Ve were taking een de sound! Qwaeeet!” Moise yelled.

“Hells Bells,” Hezzy mumbled to himself and sat down on the largest box. “Try to move things along and whadaya know? Gettin bitched at by everyone.” He reached into his vest pocket and unrolled a cellophane wrapped container, he opened it up. Inside that was a zip-locked plastic bag. Inside that was a pack of Camel Unfiltered Cigarettes and a book of matches. He lit one up and lay back on the box. It was going to be another one of those nights. He figured he could close his eyes for just a second or two.

He must have fallen asleep because he was hearing screaming now and there wasn’t any screaming that he could recall when he had closed his eyes. The sun was still up but the cigarette had gone out. He shoved the half-butt into his pocket and jumped up ready to see what was the matter.

“Crocs in the water!” E-man was shouting. That was action alright. He ran to where they were. Sure enough, three bumps with hungry eyes were leering at them.

“Get up, get up! Back up!” Tugg was shouting, running from downstream. He must have gotten some pretty good shots from wherever he had went to. “Back up!” He shouted again. The crocodiles moved slowly in the water but once they realized they had been found out and that stealth wasn’t helping them anymore, they quickly gave up and continued down river.

“You guys should pay more attention.” Tugg grunted as he walked back up the bank. “I want to bring back three whole and unscathed cameramen. Not anything less.”

“Yup.” Hezzy agreed, and fell in step behind him.

“C’est vrai.” Christian said.

“Shut up Christian.” Hezzy said.

They packed up and hit the road east. The bai, (or meadow) usually offered a respite to all the animals of the forest. You usually could find them all basking in the water and picking the rare plants that grew in the sunlight. The gentle Western Lowlands Gorilla would hang out with the Elephant and things were usually tranquil at the bai. But not when the crocs were around. Leaving the bai and going back into the forest was what they didn’t want to do, but getting away from the crocs was the best bet for everyone.

The sun was low. It set at almost exactly 6:00 PM every day and came up at 6 AM. It was the most dependable thing about the jungle, when you could see it. They came to a small clearing. Not exactly a bai, but not the mess that the jungle usually was. It was 5:35.

“Here,” Tugg said, dropped his bag, pulled out his machete and started making the clearing larger. He chopped down a few of the Megaphrynium plants and started to pad the ground. They would sleep in hammocks like they usually did, but for some reason the leaves seemed to make the jungle cats steer clear. The cats are bad news around here. Leopards and Servals were everywhere and nobody wanted to take a chance.

“Fire?” Hezzy asked.

“Yep.” Tugg said, and it was all it took for the unspoken agreement to take place. Tugg laid a ring of the massive leaves around a shallow pit and Hezzy got to work making tinder. The camera crew were unpacking the five hammocks and arranging their gear into the neat little pile they made every night. They elevated it on a couple of sticks just in case it rained and put the High Def box on top. They never knew when Tugg or Hezzy would get a wild hair up their butt and want to get to it.

Hezzy was quick with the fire but it took longer than they wanted just the same. The hammocks and mosquito nets were all up about the time that Tugg returned to the camp.

“Hey I didn’t even know you took off.” Hezzy proclaimed, a little offended. “You hunt?”

“Yep.” Tugg said, and held up a couple of walking catfish. One was still twitching.

“Aw. That mean I gotta clean em?” Hezzy asked.

“C’est vrai.” Christian said.

“Shut up Christian.” Hezzy said.