All I ever wanted was for someone to care, someone to ask whether I was okay and actually mean it, you know, like be worried over me being worried.

Normal people would probably shrug off the question or simply answer positively. But, there's no one to ask me that question and I think a lot about it. I'm yelling 'no I'm not' in my mind, where no one can hear me, over and over again. Hell, even if I were to say it out loud they'd just tell me to keep my shit to myself. 

I live in a world where no one cares about me and probably most of the people I know as well. I'm insignificant to them. Insignificant to anyone. 

I never thought about achieving greatness. Well I never wanted to achieve anything for that matter. I wanted to fade away and eventually lose all sense of feeling. Then, probably I wouldn't have to think about asking myself whether I was okay or not.

I thought that I was a huge waste of space, a mistake. I wanted to give up but I also wanted to show them that I had strength, that I could also be powerful, that I could handle whatever life threw at me.

At a point in my life, I wanted to commit suicide. I thought that was my only way out, my only way to gain true freedom. Then I could be free and do whatever I pleased. But then I realised that it was just another way of running away from your problems and challenges. True freedom is only but a myth. No one is truly free. Because if I did kill myself, there wouldn't be any pity, not that that's what I am aiming for, they would only mock me for being too weak. 

People seek happiness. ‘cause that’s what life’s about right?  I'd known it for a moment, before it was shattered by the very person who was responsible for it. I've never known love or kindness from anyone. I thought I had but it was all in my head. It was only me being a naive little kid. 

I've not known mercy or forgiveness. The people I've known probably haven't ever heard of it. Here, it's just about survival. Whether you have any values or not doesn't matter. All that matters is you do what you've been told to do or else. No one bothers to know how. Because of this situation most people have lost those values. They don't care about being human, all they care about is money and power. They have lost their respect for one another and treat the other like a different species.

If you ask me whether I believe in God or if I pray, then well I won't deny the existence of God. The fact that I'm still alive after all that I've gone through, leads me to believe in God. Though I would say that I might definitely be invisible to Him most of the time.

I spend most of my free time in the only clean corner of my tiny dorm room crying. At least after that happened. It's just a huge waste of time and I know that. The moment I start thinking of things, I can't stop and the tears keep flowing. I've heard people say on television that people who suffer from depression must open up to people close to them or to counsellors. They say that that's the only way to feel better. But since I have no one, the only way to let it all out is to cry and let all the pain disappear for a few moments. But then it comes back and it's after me again. It's the only thing that's ever stayed by my side for so long. It's the only thing that keeps reminding me that I'm human. I've never cried in front of others, not after that  at least, even if they have inflicted me with any pain. It's one thing I refuse to show to the world. I refuse to show that I'm weak. I've already felt the greatest pain that I would ever feel in my heart. Nobody could ever come close to that place. Nobody could mean anything more than an acquaintance to me ever again.

Or so I thought ......

Because then, I met him...

And then suddenly, I had a purpose. I didn't aspire to become famous or to be loved by the world. One person would do. I wanted him to feel the same way about me as I did about him. I thought that I would never get a chance to feel like that because of who I was. I thought that I would never have the time. When he came, he brought the light back into my dark world. 

And before I knew it, My darkness started to fade, just a little….