“I can’t stand to wait, but I can’t stand to do something so painful. I may explode at any moment or disappear in the next. If I stand idle, my heart will stop. But if I let my heart speak, even I can learn to heal this bleeding heart.”

I awoke to see him there. Pacing around, trying to breathe and insisting all was fine. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I leaned against the wall. First, my arm gave way, then my shoulder, then my legs. I slid down the wall with a thud.

He turned and rushed to my side. “Amy! Are you okay!?” he exclaimed. His fingers close but always centimeters away.

“Huh?” I yawn. “I’m fine Ian. Just--” Yawn. “Sleepy. What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at work by now?”

Ian grabs the nearest chair and slumps into it. “Just look outside.” He points to the window caked in ice and snow. Even the sun couldn’t pierce the frost. “We’re trapped. Main power is out so no lights. The building’s generators are on, but is for the elderly and families.”

“Guess we gotta bundle up, snuggle, and tell horror stories until this blows over,” I grin.

A smirk escapes his panic. “Guess you’re right. But not the snuggling part. Don’t wanna get your cooties all over me.”

Laughter fills the freezing air. Movement fills the small flat as we collect whatever warmth, water, and food we could find. Blankets and pillows, bottles and wine, cans and cake. We weren’t ready for something like this. A guy, a girl, and Abigail the Feline Queen of our humble abode.

But, there’s a catch. I’m only here because we couldn’t afford to split up. I mean, we are only roommates. We made a deal a few years back. If we split now, I wouldn’t have a place to stay. But, he already has eyes on someone else. When mine meet his, all I see is distance, no matter how welcoming and warm the smile. If only I was gone, I thought. From this equation, there is him and her, not I. There’s another catch.

“Purr.” Abigail rubs against my leg, her tiny pink cowboy hat barely on.

“Come on girl,” I protest, barely holding onto the boxes of canned soup and boxed macaroni. The fifteen-kilo furball kept at it. And eventually, the rest was history… with a loud crash.

“Are you alright Amy?” Ian shoves away the dented cans and mountain of C-shaped noodles. “She got you again it looks like.” He grins, I wince.

Looking up at the ceiling, I ask,” Why don’t you ask me to leave?”

“Where did that come from? Besides, it’s a frozen wasteland out there.”

I turn to him. “That’s not what I meant. Why don’t you ask me to leave so that you can be with your girlfriend?”

He looks away and sighs. Ian’s hand runs through the pile of noodles, “I don’t know. I really don’t.” His eyes met mine with the same distance as they had since that girl stole his gaze. Smiling, he says, ”Sure it would be easier, but you’re my friend. You’ve been with me since forever ago. I-- to be frank, I know I’m Ian, but stick with me here.”

We giggle, but the temporary silliness vaporizes.

Ian continues, “I know why you’ve stuck around for as long as you have. I love the fact that we were always together, always had, have, and will have each other’s back. But I can’t give you what you want Amy. I’m just don’t feel the same way.”

My eyes search for meaning in the frozen window panes. “Of course. Of course. Of fucking course!”

“Amy, all I can say is I’m sorry things had to be this way.”

The tears paint my clothes, making them darker with every drop and me lonelier with every word. “Stop-- just fucking… stop.”

Ian leaned back against the wall.

A silence consumed the apartment. We had known this would be what would happen for the last few months. It needed to happen. I waited too long to say I love him and watched someone take him from right under me. He waited too long to break this up, trying to keep a friend while still in love with another. We sat there idle. We sat there idle as the frost and cold consumed every centimeter it could; room by room until it reached us.

Abigail pranced around, the only sound for what seems like eons. Eventually nestling on my lap, between my freezing arms and frozen tears.

“I guess that’s it,” I said. “That’s all it took?” I began to chuckle.

Ian turns to me and smiles, “I guess so.” He begins to chuckle, his eyes relaxed and warm. “I guess we’re just a little slow on the uptake. Oh, well.” He stands, offering a hand. “Might as well warm up, we got nowhere to go and run off to for a while.”

I take his hand and reply, “Sure if we let our hearts speak once in a while, even idle hearts can be loved.”