Once again, it has been a dreadful day. I reluctantly wake up and slowly get out of the floor. As I pull back the curtains, the soft or perhaps intense sunlight streams into the room. It has been quite some time since I last felt  the warmth of the sun, having unknowingly isolated myself from the outside world.

There is only one life, and despite all the pain, I am determined to move forward. Giving up is not an option... not anymore.

It took some time, but I finally got my head in the right place. It's frustrating to think about the time I wasted, but that's just how life goes sometimes.

I believe that trauma does not completely vanish, but rather can be effectively managed to a more manageable extent. This is my viewpoint, and I intend to test this hypothesis starting today.

All I need is an unwavering conviction. If I don't help myself get back on my feet, no one else will. Or, at least, they won't be able to.

I am determined to move forward without looking back, without letting my past hold me down or haunt me. Above all, I have the confidence that I will achieve my dream.

Which will catch up to me first, my dream or my death? Who knows... I'll still bet on my dream, though. Hehe.

I've always been the type of person who either goes all in or doesn't go at all. While I don't mind losing multiple times, whether it's 10, 100, or even 1000 times, there are times when I am truly invested in winning. In those moments, I give it my all and leave no room for mediocrity. Despite there being only two options - winning or losing - I believe there is a middle ground called intensity that can make the difference.

Moving forward, I wonder what day it is today. And which month corresponds to today's date. I believe I know the year, but it wouldn't hurt to double-check.

It seems to be the 17th of August, 1877. Time passes rather quickly when we are not constantly checking the unfolding events.

I am now 21 years old; time certainly flies.

It has been almost 3 year since I secluded myself. I am aware of the numerous rumors circulating about me, but I am indifferent towards them. I am more concerned about the reactions that will follow once I reemerge, after carrying out my actions that will undoubtedly astonish my family's kingdoms, and almost certainly the entire world.

First, I will visit my family and apologize for my actions, which include isolating myself despite all the love and support they have shown me.

To begin, I need to analyze the current global situation. In order to achieve my objectives, it is essential that I possess a comprehensive understanding of my surroundings.

Currently, there are officially recognized 77 empires and 147 kingdoms in existence. Additionally, some autonomous territories exist, although their numbers are relatively small. These territories predominantly fall under the control of churches, as religion heavily influences global dynamics. Hence, it is only natural for such territories to be under their jurisdiction.

I was born in the Kingdom of Bragança, which is ruled by my father. It holds the 54th position among the most influential territories. Additionally, I have familial connections to the Empire of Alexandria through my mother's lineage.

The global population is nearing 70 billion people, and with a circumference of approximately 310,000 kilometers, the world is well-populated, neither excessively crowded nor sparsely inhabited.

Having a larger number of individuals contributes positively to the overall outcome. Achieving the top position out of a group of only 10 people does not generate such a satisfactory feeling. However, attaining the first position among 100 people already starts to evoke a sense of accomplishment. Yet, if we were to compare being first among 70 billion people, the magnitude of that achievement would be unfathomable, leaving me unable to comprehend the emotions experienced by the person in that particular position.

I desire power - the ability to destroy my enemies, those who have tormented me. This power would enable me to create a peaceful world, where children can freely laugh, run, and play without the constant fear of danger. While I possess a kind heart, I reserve it for those who have earned it. I am not hesitant to display cruelty when the circumstance demands it; however, it is not a preference, but a necessary act. Considering the imperfections that exist within our world, there are times when intervention becomes essential, and I am the one called upon to fulfill that role.

I always remember what my mother said to me "freedom is not the power to do everything you want but the power not be subjected to what you don't want to do", the more I think about it the more I believe that's what freedom truly is.

For now I'll be using distortion magic to render myself unrecognizable. In addition, I will dye my hair black in order to conceal my naturally white hair and wear brown contact lenses to hide my distinct green and purple eyes. Having so many unique features can be quite problematic when I'm trying to conceal myself. I don't know anyone with white hair and heterochromia, let alone this rare heterochromia. It is a shame that I must resort to dye my hair and put on contact lenses, even with distortion magic; however, such precautions are necessary as there are always individuals who possess superior magical abilities and can see through my illusions, thus destroying my plans.

I find myself in a lamentable state; my physical condition has weakened in comparison to its previous state. However, I am hopeful that my situation will improve from this point forward. It is regrettable that my family will witness me in this state, but I can only hope for this to be the final time I allow myself to decline to such depths.

When you isolate yourself, you tend to think too much and do too little. This is currently happening to me; I find myself overthinking without taking much action.

Well...

A shower for starters before I leave to Bragança and let them know I'm back and... what I'm about to do.