Stare Like You’ll Stay

Four long-time friends were sitting at a picnic table. There were many people out on that sunny day and they could be heard in the distance.

“Hello?” said a voice.

“I don’t think he can hear you,” another voice snickered.

“Hey, Pierson,” said a third voice.

Pierson began to blink and looked at his friends, Tony, Liam, and Neal.

“I hear you, I hear you,” Pierson said. “What is it?”

“What had you staring so hard this time?” Tony asked.

“I was just thinking,” Pierson replied.

“Do you have to stare in order to be deep in thought?” Liam asked.

“No,” Pierson responded.

“Prove it,” Tony laughed.

“I don’t have to prove anything,” Pierson said with a snooty smile.

Two girls walked up to the guys.

“Well if it isn’t my favorite band,” one of the girls said.

“What are you boys doing out here?” the other girl added.

“What a surprise,” Liam said. “Crystal and Nelianne. We were reminiscing about good old times and talking about the new band equipment we have to get.”

“Liam, why did you invite Crystal and your girlfriend?” Tony said. “Can’t you two go at least more than an hour apart?”

“Ha ha, very funny,Tony,” Nelianne responded. “Oh, I almost forgot. Congratulations on that band competition you guys won.”

“I heard you guys earned prize money,” Crystal said. “That’s impressive. How long have you guys been a band?”

“Let’s see,” Liam said. “We’re in our twenties now. So, we've been a band around seven years. And we’ve known each other longer than that.”

“They announced your band’s name during the competition,” Crystal said. “What was it called? The rock? The door? The stone? The vine? And I didn’t hear them use your real names.”

“Not even close,” Pierson laughed. “Our band is called The Son.”

“And you heard them use our rock names,” Tony added. “They”re like our code names.”

“The Son?” Crystal responded. “Why?”

“Because each one of our band members is the only son among a bunch of sisters,” Pierson answered.

“That’s right,” Neal said. “We have code names. Tony’s code name is Pops. It’s because he is the oldest. Liam is Sun. And Pierson is Incinerate.”

Liam put his arm around Pierson and said, “Yeah. Old Ciner here is fire on the guitar.”

“What is your code name, Neal?” Crystal asked.

“We named him Ghost because he doesn’t say much,” Pierson answered.

After a while, they left the park and the girls said goodbye.

            Some time had passed, and now it was night. The boys were hanging out at a room Neal rented for practicing their music.

“So it is decided,” Tony said. “We know what equipment we’re getting now.”

“Yeah,” Liam added. “But we don’t have money for the traveling expenses, food, and hotel. And it's stressing me out.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything until later,” Tony said, “but I’ve been saving money.”

“No way, bro,” Liam said. “Are you serious? You don’t have to use your savings. I know you hate that job and it’s hard for you to save what’s left from bills.”

“It’s an investment,” Tony said.

“This is amazing,” Neal responded. “Now we almost have everything we need.”

Pierson walked closer to Tony. “I know you are the lead singer, Tony, but I’ve been thinking maybe I can add more vocals to our songs.”

“You can’t even sing as good as me,” Tony said.

“It doesn’t matter,” Pierson said. “I can still sing. I’ve heard some people say they like my voice and they think I can add a special kind of flavor.”

“Prove it,” Tony teased.

“Whatever, man,” Pierson said. “Next time you ask me to prove something, I will.”

Pierson sat on the couch and started scrolling through his phone. The others prepared to go out and buy the new equipment. They asked if he was going with them and he told them he would stay.

About ten minutes after the others left, Pierson was watching TV, slouched in the couch. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. He got up from the couch and stretched, then proceeded to the door.

Pierson opened the door to find Nelianne. 

“Hey,” they both said.

“Are you guys staying here late tonight?” Nelianne asked as she walked in.

“No,” Pierson answered. “Liam and the others left not too long ago to buy some things. Once we get the stuff in here, we’ll be going home.”

Nelianne walked around the room, looking all around. “I don’t come in here too often,” she said. “It feels less crowded with only two people.”

“You’re right,” Pierson agreed.

“Do you have any food, snacks?” Nelianne asked.

Pierson went to the cabinet and grabbed a bag of microwave popcorn. He held it up to Nelianne and she nodded her head. After the popcorn was put in the microwave, the two of them waited by the counter in front of the microwave.

“So, Ciner, what do you think this band will amount to?” Nelianne asked. "I've heard many stories about bold and outrageous things your band has done." She laughed.

“I actually don’t know,” Pierson replied. He looked over to Nelianne and saw her dazzling green eyes.

“Well, don’t you think it‘s something you should think about?” Nelianne continued.

“I agree with you,” Pierson replied. “I’ll start thinking more about it. But it's nothing I want to give up. Music has always been important to me. Music heals. Who hasn't been lifted up by the sound of sweet music?”

"You're right about that."

"I haven't been thinking straight for the last few months," Pierson said. "Music has been a big help for me."

"Have you told the others?"

"No. I don't think they'll fully understand. I've been feeling like the black sheep, like I'm so different from them."

Focusing his attention elsewhere, he stared at the TV. The popcorn finished and the microwave beeped. He looked over at Nelianne and saw her mesmerizing gaze. She was looking into his eyes. They both moved closer to each other.

“What’s happening?” Nelianne asked.

“I don’t know,” Pierson replied.

“We shouldn’t do this,” Nelianne said, holding back a smile.

“I was thinking about you earlier today at the park,” Pierson admitted.

“I’ve been feeling it, too, Pierson,” Nelianne responded.

Pierson’s heart was beating fast. They both leaned in and kissed.

In seconds, the two of them were standing there and embracing each other with tender arms, looking into each other’s eyes.

“Maybe we should run away,” Nelianne said. “I want to be with you.”

“What ideas do you have?”

“That prize money!” Nelianne said with glee. “Do you have access to it?”

“I have access to a lot more than that,” Pierson said. “Tony added his savings to the band’s money.”

“Where is it?” Nelianne asked.

“It’s here in a safe,” Pierson said. “In cash.”

“It would be a shame if something happened here,” Nelianne said. “Like a robbery. Or maybe…a fire.”

Later, Tony, Liam, and Neal returned to a fire ablaze.

Pierson and Nelianne went to a restaurant and had dinner, his phone ringing the whole time. He later gave the excuse that he went home to sleep.

The next few days, the band was severely distraught. Pierson told the boys that he was going to be away for a while.

Pierson and Nelianne traveled to different cities and different states. They enjoyed each other’s company and got along well. 

Weeks had gone by. 

Pierson returned home. He hadn’t let the boys know yet. While visiting his parents, his mother asked him to come into the living with her and his father.

“Pierson, honey…” his mom began.

“What is it, mom?” Pierson asked.

“Your father and I received a call today,” she said. “After the call ended we received a video. One of the buildings next to Neal’s place had a camera that caught you.”

“What?” Pierson muttered.

“The authorities can’t see clearly who it is,” his mother continued. “But I know it’s you. You were leaving the building holding hands with that girl, Nelianne. No one got hurt. And since you are our son, we aren't saying anything to the authorities. We love you.”

“Who sent you the video?” Pierson asked.

“The video was sent to Tony and the others by the neighbor,” his mom answered. “Then, they sent it to us.”

“They know?!” Pierson blurted. He stood up and started pacing back in forth.

“Honey,” his mother gently called to him.

“What have I done?!” Pierson said. “They know. They know!”

Pierson left his parents’ house and drove home. He messaged Nelianne and she said that Liam knows but she felt too much shame to respond to his text.

For the next few days, Pierson was inside his house. He remained silent. He didn’t say a word…until something within him broke.

“How can I face them?!” he shouted. “I destroyed what I had! The guilt is killing me!”

After grabbing his laptop, Pierson sat at his desk and began to make a video. He took some time to collect his thoughts. Tears rushed down his face.

“I don’t have words,” Pierson started. “I don’t know where to begin. At the beginning of this year, I haven't been feeling right. Then, I started doing things behind your backs. And a few weeks ago, I really crossed the line.”

Pierson talked about his childhood and how much he loved his mother, father, and sisters. He reminisced about the time that he met Tony, Liam, and Neal. He talked about teasing that he was better than Tony. He’d make claims that Tony would always tell him to prove. Liam’s jokes came to mind, along with Neal’s unique quiet demeanor.

After ten minutes more, he was bringing his video to a close. “I am so sorry. What I thought would be a lifetime of joy was only a season of pleasure. I ended up hurting myself and others. I can’t look at you after what I did. I am completely in the wrong. I did you dirty, Liam. And I know that there is nothing I can do to make things right.”

Pierson finished the video, selected some contacts, and sent it.

Tony, Liam, and Neal entered into Pierson’s parents’ house. “That’s his life,” said someone. “She was my heart, but his life is not something to be thrown away. He is still my brother,” said another. “Where is he?” someone else added.

Back in the Pierson home, he kneeled on the ground crying. “The guilt is too much,” he said. “I can’t stand it. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I was already not well and this has made it worse. I feel too much shame to let my face be seen by anybody. Because of that, I feel like I have nobody. I don’t know if you are listening to me. But I am at the end of my rope. If you care about me, show me. I feel so alone. I am about to make a permanent decision. Maybe that’s what you want. How could you not? I don’t deserve any better. But if you don’t want this for me, I need to know. I need you to do the impossible. They will never forgive me. It’s impossible. But if you don’t want me to do this thing, somehow, someway, send them to me. I’ll seek you and truth if you make such a fantasy happen. I can’t imagine what they could do to break me from this. But I want to know if you care.”

Later, on a bridge, police cars and emergency vehicles were blocking traffic. Pierson was at the edge of the bridge. He stepped outside of where he should be. He felt like he heard people calling out to him, but it all seemed muffled. He began to stare at the rocks below.

Suddenly, he heard a sound in the distance. It sounded like a vehicle had swerved. But there was another sound as well. Pierson looked and saw a truck speeding his way carrying three tearful eyed boys in the back with instruments, equipment, and speakers. The sound he heard was a guitar and his friend began to sing.

*See “Stare Like You’ll Stay” by Circa Survive on YouTube.