What is your purpose? Well, you should know. I don’t know myself, but I still ask myself everyday - “What’s my purpose?”. All my life, I've worked in this old farm of my ancestors rotting away, scraping by. There’s a whole world out there, multiple worlds so to say, planets upon planets to see for myself. Not everybody gets to do that, though; I’m humble. I still want to go out there, see myself as the one with the most freedom - “How, though?”

I don’t know. There must be a way out of this. It started raining, I picked up my coat that was on the ground for some reason, and wore it. Shit. Shit. What a shitty way to end my day. There’s this little shop near my abode; the shopkeeper’s name is Ahmad. I talk to him about my day sometimes. “Do you also hate the rain, Ahmad?”

“No” - Well, everyone is different and unique. In some way. I bought a cigarette box. I smoked that day. I don’t usually smoke, though. I smoked for hours. Hey mom, what would you think about my current state in life? I always think she’d be disappointed with me. If she could see me. I vaguely remember her face, I can never see it clearly though. I think it was three years ago; she died of an illness. The only reason I wanted to succeed in life was to make her happy. Now that she’s gone, all I want is to be free. Be free? Shit, look at me. 

I don’t even know what I’m doing half of the day. How am I supposed to travel across the universe? I’ll likely die rotting here anyway, a couple more boxes won’t hurt. I like to wander off to somewhere, I don’t know where but I just keep going, and keep going, it keeps me calm. 

Shit, it’s still pouring. I can’t go wandering off. “Ahmad.” He looked at me with a worried face. “Do you really believe? About those lost powers.” He was visibly confused.

“When I was a child, my mother used to tell me about these powers. Shimmering orbs that hold powers inside them. All kinds of powers. They’re lost, on different planets and galaxies. You know, I still believe her.” 

He laughed. “Get yourself together mate. Do you really believe those exist? Stop being a fucking moron all of the time. You should focus on working, you’re wasting your life away everyday.” - He said. 

He was always harsh. But I still believed. In this solar system, if different planets can be populated by different intelligent species - why can’t there be powerful orbs that grant powers? Though, the more I think about them, I start to really think about what Ahmad said. 

People, or men, like me, are supposed to grow up, get a career, get married, have a family and stand by it for the rest of his life. I don’t like the idea, a single bit. A family ties you down. Responsibility strangles freedom. You’re not happy. I always thought of it like that. But to be free, I want a career that could sustain my goals. 

It's hard. I didn’t make any friends growing up, I preferred to be alone. I thought having friends meant you had to support them and stand by them and their ways all of the time. You aren’t free if you do that. What a nuisance. I always thought of it like that.

“Have you changed a bit?” - Ahmad asked me in a confronting tone, as he got up to close the shop. 

You tell me. I feel like I've always been the same. On that note, I don’t really want to change. 

Closing the shutter, he came closer to me. “That dream of yours. To be free. To wander everywhere. It’s not going to walk to you.”

A sudden feeling of worrying and anxiety came over me, making me uncomfortable. 

My breath trembled. Taking a sigh, I said - “Yeah, I know Ahmad. Shit. I feel like shit. I’m trying. I just want to be free and explore the expanses. It’s hard.” 

 I was still sitting on the dirty pavement next to his now closed shop - my boots were soaked. I saw him walking into the distance, in the hazy, cold night. He walked confidently. 

I looked around. This city is filled with houses, shops, streets, alleyways, and mostly factories. Hell, I don’t even know what they make in those. Most of the year this city is filled with smog. My farm was a small one, along with several other farms. Located at the outskirts of Caraki. 

The rain stopped. I’ve lived in Caraki my whole life. A large city, where you can see buildings in all directions no matter what rooftop you take a view from. Feels like a dystopian utopia. But it's not. 

Shit. What have I been doing? Everything’s so frustrating nowadays. I got up in anger and helplessness and smashed a bottle of alcohol on the wall. Fuck, I got multiple cuts from that. 

“FUCK YOU AHMAD! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. YOU’LL SEE.” - I yelled at him from a distance. 

I threw the chair I was sitting on out of the way.  Looked around, threw away the remaining cigarettes and started walking. I had no idea where I was headed, but the act of throwing and smashing things brought me a strange sense of calm.

Life in Lucidus is fairly simple. Ordinary. My home planet, it’s Lucidus. So-called Planet of Light, as it’s closest to the Sun. 

I wonder what it’s like - living on a different planet. Life must be so different for everyone. 

I want to go somewhere else. My first steps to freedom should be clear now. I want to get out of this downtrodden city. It feels like a slum all around. Shit, where to though? 

I kept walking. Observing the dark streets, the loud noises of construction everywhere. Even this late at night, people are working their asses off. In factories mostly, I view them as slaves. Voluntarily doing harsh labour just making enough to survive. In the end, all of them will die in this slum anyway. Am I not doing the same, though? Shit. Shit. 

The cold breeze passes by touching my face, it’s colder tonight. Is it because it rained? No clue. I’m here now, at BillJack’s Inn. There are usually people at the back of the inn every Saturday, talking about shit. I expected to hear drunken laughter or arguments, but there was only silence. Unnatural silence. Huh..

As I stood there for a second, I felt footsteps walking towards me. What direction? I couldn’t figure it out. I think it’s them. 

“What the fuck are you doing here, bug?” 

I turned around, and a big guy stood in front of me. His mere breathing was intimidating, he looked hostile. He smelled like dogshit too. 

Came to the inn for talk. I don’t mean no harm pal. - I said while backing away. 

“So you associated with them? I’ma tell you right now bug, you better get the hell outta here before I beat the shit outta you. The inn’s closed.” - The man said, holding onto my collar. 

I was pretty frightened to say the least. What the fuck is this? I guess they had a conflict with someone. I don’t want to get involved. I nodded and started walking away. 

All my life, I’ve been put down and looked down on by others. Nobody really had respect for me. Suddenly I remembered. Her face. It's a lovely sunny day, I’m helping my mother harvest crops from the farm. We were truly filled with joy. There was no torment in my life. She always told me to never back down from something, never let someone discourage you. Thing is, I don’t have courage to begin with. I saw her face again. She is disappointed. She’d want me to follow my goals. 

All of my grim memories of my childhood came rushing in. Getting bullied, being made fun of, never taken seriously, being beaten up simply for existing, seen as a worthless loser. I’ve never really accomplished something.

I should be free. 

Then something snapped. My heartbeat started racing and my vision got narrow and blurry. I picked up a rusted rod from the ground and dashed towards the big guy yelling - “I’M FREE TO DO WHAT I WANT YOU FAT FUCK, EAT THIS.” 

I struck him in the face before he could have a chance to react. And then again, which sent him stumbling. By the third strike, I wasn’t stopping, he was grunting in pain and his blood was splattering against the pavement and each strike sent a shudder up my arm. I beat him to a pulp.

As his face got covered in nothing but blood, I stood up and dropped the rod. My hands were shaking, and I couldn’t think of anything at that moment. I slowly backed away looking at the mess I had made, and threw my coat on his face. Shit. Did I just kill him? No, he’s breathing. Taking a sigh of relief, I quickly started walking away. I should feel sick. I should feel regret. But I don’t. I feel something else. Something that scares me more than guilt—satisfaction.

I felt accomplished. Hell, nobody threatens my freedom now. I won’t be a slave to anyone.