They say that the first line is the most important part of a story, and thus, is the first opportunity for all to go straight to shit. So let's get it out of the way and avoid the hassle of having good expectations for this story.

In fact, the first part of everything is usually the worst, especially the first chapter. Which is why, as you may have noticed, we are skipping chapter one and going straight into chapter two. Nothing good ever happens in chapter one.

Every chapter in every teen story starts the same: MC wakes up, gets ready in front of a mirror which gives them the perfect opportunity to monologue about how beautifully ugly they are, with their perfect skin, eye orbs that would serve better as emergency flares during a foggy night for their impossible colors, like emerald, aquamarine, and whatever the fuck ice-blue is supposed to be.

The the parents call the MC down, where they describe that they just moved and/or are about to start a new school year, usually with the best friend/potential love interest showing later, and arriving at school just in time to catch up with the rest of the supporting cast, with the bell ringing just in time for the exposition to end. If they are lucky, they would stumble upon a "completely average girl/boy" with a mysterious past that would change the MC life with the power of love, or some equally inane shit. As if they didn't text or see each other during the summer.

I should know, because that has been my life for the last 12 years - An endless assault of first chapters, day after day, ad infinitum.

My name is Ayden Gomez, and I'm a bad boy. Against my will, that is.

Ever since I woke up one hot night when I was just nine years old to find that, not only did I suddenly have a six-pack, washboard abs, but that I had suddenly grown to the tender height of 6'2" feet, I knew I was destined to be a bad boy. I couldn't spend one day without attracting looks from boys and girls alike, I suddenly had to change schools every year because of some mysterious fire/cabal murders/my dad getting transferred to a new city that forced me to a new environment. And don't even get me started on all the prophecies that are just waiting for me to fulfill.

Because I was born to be the most dangerous of bad boys: the "cool new kid" bad boy.

But look at me, monologuing like this is the first chapter. I think that's the worst part of being a bad boy - the monologuing. I feel this...itch, this compulsion, to stop and monologue internally, describing everything around. But that ends today.

This is the first day of my senior year, which means that I have to endure this bullshit for just one more year. Sounds easy, right?

Wrong. This is the first day of a new school year, and once again, I am the new kid. Which means that the planets have aligned to create what is perhaps the most dangerous day in my life. My last school was torched down by mysterious cultists that kidnapped my dog, Dr. Buttmunch, so I already have an aura of mystery over me. "Average Girls/Boys" can smell it from miles away.

And no, I wasn't going to be baited into solving a kidnapping, even if it is my own pet. I've already had a bad experience with a parakeet that another, totally unrelated secret cabal kidnapped. They can keep the dog. He's a good boy. Or girl, whatever their preference is. Buttmunch is gender-neutral.

See? Again. Monologuing. This is a chapter two, goddammit! No monologuing in chapter two.

In fact, I have gone out of my way to avoid the trappings of a chapter one.

First, I'm not waking up. I didn't even go to sleep - a bottle of hard coffee and nicotine patches have made sure of that. I don't even sleep anymore. What if I have a prophetic dream for the umpteen time about some calamity that only me and the "completely average girl/boy" have to deal with? Nope. Not gonna risk that shit again.

Second, no mirrors. That's right, I don't even own one. Don't even need it. My hair is naturally silky, and I have a very rare skin condition in which my sweat smells like Paco Rabane's "Invictus" perfume. The downside is that my skin is also super allergic to synthetic materials, forcing me to only use leather and cotton. This leads us to number three.

I wear the same thing every day. Leather pants, a cotton undershirt, and a leather jacket, because it gets chilly, and cotton is not a good heat insulator. I never change, so I don't have to worry about what to wear. The only upside of having washboard abs is that my sweat mixes with the undershirt, automatically washing it and rinsing it thanks to the friction. Who would've thought you can use washboard abs as a washboard?

And of course, I wear dark glasses 24/7. Nobody's gonna describe my eyes if they can't see them.

Now, to make sure my dad doesn't call me to have breakfast with him, or to arrive at school during that sweet spot of exposition/cast explanation, I decided to play it safe and power-walk my way to school the night before - because power-walking is the least bad-boy way to get to school - broke in, climbed into the vent of my homeroom with a six-pack of White Claw, a vape-pen full of coffee, and frozen Hot Pockets, and wait until the school starts.

No chance to meet anyone, no chance encounter, no love interest, no rival, nothing. Just pop out like a pop tart the moment the bell rings, and see what happens from there. Just me, and my 10 subject binder I carry around to avoid going to my locker. Lockers are the bad-boy's bear trap. 95% of the time, if you go to a locker on your first day, you will bump into a totally average girl/boy with too many books in their hands, making it spill into the floor, and then you have two choices: either help them pick it up, thus making them have a good look at you, and forcing you to interact with them, or not, and come up as both an asshole and a mysterious person to obsess over.

Not me. I don't even plan on leaving the classroom. Be the first one out, and the first one in. Someone has to be the first one, right? Why couldn't it be me?

As long as I keep low, be fast, and follow the rules, I will go through this year without falling into any of the bad-boy's trappings. And if everything goes right, and I graduate without issues, I will be able to follow my dream job: to be an online customer support representative.

It is the perfect job for me! Think about it: I don't have to leave my home, nobody has to know how I look, and I don't have to interact with anybody outside of work. That's the dream!

But only if I manage to survive today unscathed. And it starts now.