In a luxurious yet lonely mansion in the outskirts of the city, Lin Yixi sat on a sofa inside the study that he hadn't entered for the past few years.

Lin Yixi looked at the ring on the table, together with a short letter he wrote yesterday night after a long contemplation.

He took his phone, and looked at the picture Feng Jianyu had sent him days ago. It was a few photos of two people who seemed to be walking out of the hotel discreetly, secretly taken behind some bushes. He knows the two men well, one more than the other, but he would recognize that cold faced man however blurry the picture is.

Lin Yixi closed his eyes, loosening the hand that had been clenching his phone tight and exhaled.

He typed the familiar number, hoping that Wen Yuxuan would pick it up and he could at least tell him his decision directly to him.

He thought he would get the usual robotic female voice he’s been hearing for the past two days, so when he heard the gruff voice of Wen Yuxuan’s assistant asking him what he wanted, he was a little bit out of sorts.

“Ah? Oh, sorry, was Yuxuan there? I need to talk to him,” he asked.

“Sorry, Mr. Wen has been very busy and doesn't have the time for trivial matters. If there’s anything you need, you can tell me.” His answers were curt, and Lin Yixi has expected the answer he has been giving him whenever he picked up the phone for Wen Yuxuan.

He held his sigh, “Tell him it’s important. I won’t take much of his time.“

“Mr. Wen has an important meeting he needs to attend, so you can tell me and I’ll pass it to him when it ends,” the impatience in the assistant’s voice is unmistakable. It’s not the first time he has been like this, so after asking a few times and still receiving the same answer that ‘Mr. Wen is busy and can’t talk to you’, he finally gave up.

“Please tell him that I left something in the study and…” he hesitated.

“Yes?” more curt answer. It was as if saying more would be a waste of breath for him.

“…it’s nothing. Just tell him that. Thank-“

Before he could utter the last word, he already heard the long beep that indicated the call had been terminated.

Looking at the darkening phone screen, he let out a long sigh, then looked at the items on the table again and chucked.

In the end, he’s not even left with anything.

He took his cane and got up from the sofa with a huff, dragging his one useless foot and a single suitcase with him out of the mansion.

***

A few months have passed and Lin Yixi has been living quietly in a small seaside town far from the hustle and bustle of the city.

At fifty, he preferred to live in seclusion, where no mockery or scorn can be thrown at him. And since almost no one can recognize him, this small town was perfect for him in his old days.

He bought an old, small house with a small garden a little away from the neighborhood. In the morning, he practices tai chi and then tends to his small garden. Though there’s some mishap at the beginning, seeing the tiny bud turn slowly into vegetables he recognized gave him a sense of fulfilment. At noon, he would either read books or watch some movies. Sometimes he even experimented with cooking to make something new. And in the afternoon, unless there was a rain that always causes his feet to hurt to even take a few steps, he would walk slowly at the cliff near his house with a small folding chair to watch the sea and the clouds while drinking herbal tea from his thermos.

Life was leisurely, and as he sat on his small chair, listening to the sounds of the waves and watching the sea, he contemplated what to have for dinner, if it would rain tonight by looking at the approaching gray clouds, and if he should adopt a dog or cat to accompany him in his quiet life.

But before he could decide on whether he should make an appointment with a nearby adoption center or just grab one street cat in the neighborhood he saw a few times before, a cold voice woke him up from his reverie.

“Lin Yixi.”

His heart skipped a beat. The loud sounds of the waves obscured the man's footsteps, and he was caught by surprise. He knew it was just a matter of time before he managed to find him, but he pretended that life was normal and he never existed. Unfortunately reality betrayed him.

Gripping his cane as support, he stood up, then he slowly turned his body to face the person he left the letter and ring with in the cold study room. His grip on his cane tightened.

Before him stood a man younger than seven years from him. With his sleek suit and a cold face that remains handsome even when he has reached his forties. The person he fought so hard for to be together with. The person he once loved with all his heart and soul.

Wen Yuxuan.

“Don’t you have anything to say to me?”

Seeing that cold face again after months, he didn’t know what to say to him, nor he wanted to. So the two of them just stood still, facing each other in silence.

“Stop being stubborn.” Wen Yuxuan sighed in annoyance after receiving no answer from Lin Yixi, “You’re already fifty. You should think more about your future. Where do you think you can go? What can you do with your sickly body? I let you be for these past few months so you can clear your head and come back by yourself, yet you're still hiding in that small, shabby place without care. There's no hospital nearby and there's no proper roads. What can you do if you feel sick or break your bone when falling? Who's gonna take care of you? Throwing a temper tantrum and running away from home when you’re already this old, aren’t you embarrassed?”
He berated him as if he were a child, while Lin Yixi listened in his silence.

He said a lot, and even though it's normal to think that he said all this because he is worried for Lin Yixi, with how he has treated him in the years they've been living together, most of it just boils down to Lin Yixi being a bother to him. Thinking about the past, he can no longer remember why he fell for him in the first place.

Without answering any of Wen Yuxuan's questions, he asked, “Wen Yuxuan, did you read my letter?”

A look of annoyance clearly visible in his face, “I did, so what of it? You want to divorce me? Really? Is this your way of seeking attention from me?”

Divorce wasn’t really a correct word. After all, they never even married in the first place.

There were only a few sentences in that letter. He has rewrote it a few times, and in the end he just said that he’s tired, and wishes to leave and live peacefully, and for him to never look for him.

As for the reason? There’s no need for him to say it. He should know why he left.

But seeing Wen Yuxuan in front of him with his usual attitude, it doesn’t seem like he realizes it.

He has ignored and pretended not to know, but when the proof was presented in front of his eyes, he could no longer run away from reality.

He has made up his mind long ago. There’s no use arguing with a dead horse. Once dead, they will remain dead. Just like his heart.

No amount of miracle panacea can revive it.

The winds picked up, the sky grew grayer. And he could hear some rumbles from the sky. He was tired, and he wished to go home and then thought some more about adopting a cat or a dog, and not be burdened by these hurtful feelings and the man in front of him anymore.

“Wen Yuxuan, I don’t have anything to say to you. Just leave. I won’t go back.”

Wen Yuxuan knit his brows, and Lin Yixi knew that his anger was deepening, but he was too tired to deal with him. He’s been working too hard in the past twenty years, and now he just wanted to rest.

“Stop being stubborn. You know you can’t live without me. What can your useless body do? Just come back and stay obediently at home, and I won’t say anything this time.”

Lin Yixi almost laughed. He has been living well and happier these few months when he’s not around Wen Yuxuan. And about his body? Isn’t some of it caused by his own hands? And to stay obediently at home? What is he? His pet?

Anger grows within him, anger that he has never shown in front of him the past few years after he fell into depression. He wanted to shout, to yell at him all the grievances and wrongs he and his family had done to him.

But in the end he didn’t. Because he knew it was useless. He would never understand how he feels because they’re too different.

He just wishes he could realize it sooner.

Lin Yixi calmed down. Anger was never good for his body or his mind, so he suppressed it. He doesn't want to lose composure in front of Wen Yuxuan, because if he did, he will only use it as a weapon to force him to submission.

“Just like I said. I don’t want to go back with you. Living with you is too tiring, and I no longer love you, so I want to leave. Don’t you think it’s good for us to separate? I won’t be there to inconvenience you and we can live the rest of our lives peacefully.”

Inconveniences. Now that he said it, he is indeed an inconvenience for Wen Yuxuan. A secret to be hidden, a cheap, broken toy that he wanted to shove down to the bottom of the box but can never throw away.

In the twenty years they've been together, he hasn't changed, and probably never will.

In hindsight, he was also at fault for all that's been happening. He can't help but let out a chuckle. Just after he really let go of his feeling that he managed to see this laughable pathetic life and his long trampled feelings.

He no longer wanted to talk or reason with Wen Yuxuan. So he simply took his thermos, his chair and cane to go back home, ignoring Wen Yuxuan who was still looking at him with a grim face.

He had been standing still when they faced each other, but as Lin Yixi wanted to walk past him, he grabbed his wrist, “Stop acting like a child and come back with me.”

Lin Yixi knitted his brow. Wen Yuxuan's grip was hard and it hurt him.

“Let go!" He dropped his things and grabbed Wei Yuxuan's hands and tried to pry it open, but his rejection seemed to snap something inside Wei Yuxuan and it made him even more furious.

“What do you want from me? Isn't it good to stay at home where all of your needs are taken care of? Haven't you been whining that you don't want anyone to see you? Yet you always wanted to go and do things that will always end up making you and me look bad! And now you want to run away from me? Look at what we've been doing for you, and what you've given for us! You're just an ungrateful old man that leeches on my life! Know your place!”

With every sentence, Wen Yuxuan grip just became tighter, his anger was palpable, and each word he said stung Lin Yixi’s every existence, echoing in his head amidst the roaring waves and loud thunder as droplets of water finally fell down from the sky.

His ears ringing and dizzy from his shout, his body shaking from the pain, and his eyes blurry from tears.

In this man's heart, does he ever exist at all?

With his last strength, he swung the cane that he still grip towards Wen Yuxuan. He didn't know how hard he hit him, he just wanted him to let go and get as far away as possible from him.

That one hit seemed to stuns Wei Yuxuan and he loosened his grip for a second for Lin Yixi to pry his hands off his arms and break away from him. But before he could even stand properly because his cane went flying somewhere along the way, Wei Yuxuan looked back at him and slapped him hard.

Without his cane, Lin Yixi can't stand properly, and with the force of the slap, his feet finally gave up and he slipped and fell down.

Unfortunately down from the cliff and to the bottom of the raging waves.