I hate the phrase “once upon a time”. Beyond just being terribly cliché, the phrase denotes a feeling of fluttery fondness. “Once upon a time” precedes tales of princes, princesses, dragons, witches, true love, etc. You’ve read the stories; heard the tales. Why else would you be here? In your mind, you’re preparing for another epic adventure into the world of fairy tales. You saw the title and thought “Oh! I can test my knowledge of these creatures using this book!” You came prepared, dear adventurer, to expand on knowledge you thought you knew.

Well, I’m here to tell you you’re an idiot.

I don’t mean just you. I mean all of humanity. Why? Here, let me set the stage in a way familiar to you.

Once upon a time, in a land familiar yet far, there lived all manners of creatures. These creatures—some like towering mountains and others a flickering shadow—lived in harmony with each other in this vast world of wonders.

All except one.

Nobody really knows where this misanthropic creature came from, not even itself. Like dandelions, their seed spread across the wind and rooted them around the world. Confusion and fear consumed them. Compared to the thunderous roars of the behemoths around, these smaller creatures lacked presence. Their lives concluded far earlier than any other creature, and they were cursed to be forever wanting.

But they had numbers. Huge numbers. What they lacked in power, they made up for in a burning desire fueled by arrogance.

Where once upon a time, nymphs danced across waters; they bled the seas.

Where once upon a time, drakes soared the heavens; they choked the skies.

And where once upon a glorious time, magic flourished on the world; they destroyed it all.

So begins the forgotten tale of humanity’s early years. Yes, I’m talking about people and what I described was very much how our world used to be. What, did you think humans just made up dragons and mermaids and all that other fun stuff? Oh, no, you may have forgotten the true history of the world, but somewhere in that muddy DNA of yours, the memories drift about like bubbles in an ocean.

Let me guess your next question: Why am I telling you this? Simple.

Humans are blisteringly stupid.

Forgive me. I ramble when I’m irritated, and I find humans oh so very irritating. Bear with me for one moment, okay? I am one of the last mythical creatures left in the world. In my blood runs the memories of tens of hundreds of millennia, passed down from ancestor to ancestor so that my kind may act as the record keepers of this world. In short, I’m kind of qualified to know things. When I see how faeries and mermaids are misremembered by humanity or how people wish they could be wizards and cast spells and ride dragons, it bothers me.

Like, a lot.

Especially when you start to understand the irony in your sudden love for magic. Ignorance is the greatest enemy.

So, before you go daydreaming about the marvels of the fantastical, I feel like I must correct the more… erroneous ideas that people have on classic mythical creatures, as well as why they no longer exist in our world.

For instance, did you know that faeries were little bastards who swapped human children with their own, so humans started murdering their own kids as a precaution, and now being left-handed is the sign of being a child-eating demon?

Or perhaps you knew that once upon a time, everyone did indeed have the capacity for elemental mastery, until humans decided, “Nah, lets burn ’em all instead.”

Oh, yeah, you can already tell where this is going.

At the very least, you will finish this compendium more informed than you were before, if not a little disheartened. As for your adventuring spirit?

Well, dear adventurer, I promise nothing.