The begginer of the Shadow
Aug 14, 2025
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Definitely an interesting setting! I like the mix of TVs, swords and old inns and bars. Kaito has a cool appearance too!
If you don't mind some feedback (otherwise just ignore my comment lol):
If I am reading things correctly, the bar scene where Kaito saves the girl happens twice; is this a kind of time loop? The way it is written feels pretty unclear, and there is not really a transition between the two "loops." If it is meant to be disorienting, I think it still needs some revision; perhaps include more inner monologue and a feeling of being thrown back in time?
First chapters on Tapas are always gonna be short, and it's hard to make a good hook. I feel this chapter does not really introduce me to Kaito and Yume's personalities too much. The concept of the male protagonist saving a girl also feels a bit cliche; it's not really a stand-out hook.
The prose is nice and concise; I think it does need a bit more emotion and proofreading, but I like it!
I'll read some more of your work; I wish you luck as a fellow webnovelist with big dreams : )
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