Nadia’s mind drifted into blackness. Blurry faces and familiar voices emerged from the dark, but faded as quickly as they formed. She tried calling out to them only to discover she had no voice. Nadia’s subconscious heard her alarm sounding, but her mind was still in the void.

“Nadia.”

A recognizable voice drifted into her dream,

“Nadia.”

She slowly opened her eyes, dispelling the dark. Nadia covered her face with her hands and stretched out her body.

“I was dreaming about something...but I can’t remember what it was...” she hoarsely uttered, still partially asleep. Chaise was already dressed and had his morning coffee in hand.

Nadia sat up watching him as he watched her. “What time is it? You’re dressed?”

“It’s 7am. I wanted to get in early today since I have more applications to go through.”

Nadia smiled. “I’m so proud of you.” She reached out her hand for his and he took it as he sat down beside her. “You’ve worked so hard and you finally have your very own academy.”

He smiled. “It’s been a hard road...you’ve been a huge encouragement.”

“You should take credit where it’s due,” Nadia said with a chuckle. “There’s nothing wrong with being proud of your accomplishments.”

Chaise kissed her hand, playfully disregarding her comments. “I know a good instructor, if you’re ever in need.”

Nadia let herself fall back into bed as she lightly laughed, “This again? You already know I have no aptitude for swordplay. Besides, I have little interest in it.” She sighed and sat upright. “But I love that you do.”

Chaise smiled. “I know.” He took a sip of his coffee, “I also know that you would make a fierce swordswoman if you so chose.”

Nadia started putting her hair in a ponytail. “I’m sure you could say that about every CEO out there. We are natural born fighters.”

“I suppose.” Chaise stood up so she could easily climb out of bed. “Did Mara ever get back to you?”

Nadia’s arms dropped down beside her. “No. I’m really worried about her, she’s in a bad place but she won’t talk to me, even though we’ve been friends since middle school. We used to be close. Sometimes I wonder if she’s angry with me.” Nadia quickly went over some of the very brief conversations they had had more recently. “I wish she’d just return my calls and tell me what’s going on. How can I help her if she won’t let me?”

Chaise put his mug down and turned back towards her. “Maybe it’s just that, maybe she doesn’t want help.”

Nadia had always been there for Mara in the past. At times, she physically fought bullies, even if it meant black eyes and broken bones. They were once inseparable, and then Mara inexplicably drifted away.

“I was actually thinking of paying her a visit. Maybe I should this weekend.”

Chaise buttoned his blazer. “You know I love you and want your heart to be at ease, but I think Mara needs time.”

Nadia sighed. Sitting on the sideline went against her base response, but maybe he was right. She brushed her teeth and washed her face while in deep thought. Nadia almost didn’t hear Chaise as he called out to her before leaving the apartment.

“Remember we have dinner at seven, Nadia.”

She wiped dripping water from her face with a towel. “Oh, yeah, I’ll meet you there. We have a corporate meeting after-hours.”

Chaise nodded his head to himself and patted at an object in his pocket, “Love you!”

“Go to work!” she yelled as she stared at her reflection, her thoughts on Mara.

The day seemed to go on forever. Nadia was unable to focus, which was very unlike her. She had never gotten migraines before, but one came and went relentlessly throughout the day. Taking it as an ill omen, she tried and failed to reach Mara again. And to cover her bases, she messaged her loved ones to make sure they were all right. Aside from Mara’s silence, all was normal.

By the end of the business day, Nadia was more than ready to head out, but she still had a meeting. She stopped herself multiple times during the day from calling Chaise and asking him to reschedule dinner, but he had been so excited about it she couldn’t bring herself to. She sat in the conference room, waiting for the meeting to start and wishing it was already over.

* * *

Chaise tapped his finger against a ring box hidden in his jacket pocket as he counted the minutes past their appointed meeting time. Was this even the right time? For him, perhaps, but for her? He breathed forcefully out until it seemed like his lungs were completely void of air. He knew she cared for him, but she had always avoided the issues of marriage.

Ten minutes passed, then twenty. He stared at his watch and sighed, how like her. He was just about to pick up his phone when she abruptly arrived at the table, slightly disheveled and out of breath.

“I’m so sorry, the meeting ran late.” She took a deep breath while the waiter took her coat.

Chaise poured her a glass of wine as she sat down and settled in, letting down her slightly messy bun now that she was comfortable.

“So, what shall we toast to? The next chapter in your life? Your very own academy?” Her smile was warm and genuine, and Chaise picked up his glass to meet hers.

“Let’s just toast to us. To our futures, to our dreams…” They clinked glasses and both drank.

Chaise began their pre-dinner by narrating the events of his day and how impressed he was with a few of the applicants.

“One guy has studied medieval sword fighting and archery on top of fencing. I can’t wait to spar with him!”

Nadia just smiled at his passion for the sword. Chaise continued his excitement until the end and then laughed at how silly he must seem.

“I love that you love something as much as you do.”

He lowered his eyes and took her hand. “I love you more than swordplay.”

For a second her smile dwindled, but just as quickly, she smiled more. It was obvious to Chaise that she had something on her mind.

“You should just tell me, whatever it is.”

Their conversation was interrupted by the waiter, who took their orders and left them as quickly as he appeared.

Nadia looked grateful for the diversion. She didn’t seem to see the point in dancing around the issue and simply came out with it. “They want me to go to the sister company in Hong Kong for a year or so.” She watched as Chaise’s demeanor changed slightly. He was silent for a moment, then took his glass but didn’t drink.

“Are you going to go?”

Nadia shook her head. “I… don’t know… ”

“Do you want to go?”

She was still shaking her head. “I don’t think it’s the right time. I need to be here.” Chaise’s heart skipped a beat as she continued. “I just really need to be where Mara is… ” His heart sank a little, but he understood that their bond was unique. Still, she hadn’t even mentioned their relationship.

He laughed lightly. “And what about me?”

Nadia jarred out of her conflicting thoughts and took his hand. “You are important to me. I never thought I would be in a long term relationship with anyone until you came along. We’re fine as we are, right?”

The night wasn’t quite going as Chaise had hoped. He looked into her deep blue eyes and saw a woman who was so guarded he might never truly reach her core, but that didn’t deter him.

“One day, I want to be married and start a family. Do you even want that?”

Nadia shifted her gaze and position all at once. She loved Chaise, but marriage… for a reason inexplicable to herself, the idea repelled her. There was something in the way; some hidden, gnawing alarm signaling there was something she needed to do.

She gazed into his eyes and saw someone earnest and honorable, someone who loved her so deeply it frightened her at times.

“One day, maybe. But there is something in me that can’t settle. Not now.” She didn’t want him to be hurt by her words, so she needed to explain as best she could. “Have you ever felt in your soul that there was something important you needed to do; something that comes before everything else? I don’t know what that ‘something’ is, but I can’t rest until it’s accomplished.

“I’m sorry this is... you must think… ”

Chaise took her hand in his. “I do. I completely understand the war of your heart.” He smiled to himself as an old memory of them in this mirror conversation played through his mind. It seemed like she was always slightly out of his reach.

They finished the night as though it had been like any other celebration. Chaise abandoned his plan to propose, and instead pretended the dinner was intended to celebrate his lifelong dream coming to fruition.

Before they went home for the night, they shared an ice cream cone; it had become a tradition after a celebratory meal. By the time they reached their apartment building, the cone had disappeared and they were licking the melted residue off their fingers. Even though the night had been fun, Chaise was a little heartbroken.

Exhausted, they climbed into bed; Chaise fell asleep eventually, but Nadia was left wide-eyed, unable to shut her mind down. All she could think about was Mara and the mysterious ‘something’ that weighed on her heart. After a few hours, she finally drifted into slumber.

The blurry image slowly took the form of a person. Still not clear enough to make out a face, but the person was familiar, and the voices were even more so. The face in the distance cleared for a split second, and Nadia knew her name immediately. How could she have forgotten Perdita? Still, it was a name that had been lost to her. Another face hovered closely over Nadia. He was familiar as well, and he was cradling her in his arms willing her to hold on. Nadia didn’t know why at first, but when she reached out to Perdita, she saw her hands were drenched in blood. Oh, she thought, He has killed me. She didn’t feel any pain, but she knew she was dying and this man who held her now had pierced her heart with his blade. It was something she had seen before, so it came of no surprise to her now.

Nadia opened her eyes. Her dreams were of no comfort and left behind a sharp, constant migraine. Her body was consumed by heat and she threw the blankets off of her body as she tried to cool off. She felt movement on the other side of the bed, which startled her. Her heart rate began to rise as a hand began to feel around her side, most likely for her. Panicked she swiped it away; she didn’t know why she felt so threatened. She remembered Chaise, and being in a relationship with him, but that memory was slowly fading away.

He leaned up. “What’s wrong?” he managed to ask, still half asleep.

As if seeing him for the first time, she gasped in horror. “You!?” She covered her mouth and spun out of bed. He awoke quickly and remained still. Her hand moved from her mouth to her heart and grabbed at it. “You… I remember you. You killed me.”

Chaise slowly got out of the bed and put his hands in the air as a sign of peace. “Please, Nadia, calm down. I can explain.”

Before he could finish his thought, she jolted into the living room, frantically searching until something caught her eye: mounted swords. She grabbed one and stood ready; the sword was heavier than she had remembered.

“I am Constantine, stay back!”

Still, Chaise’s hands were up and he tried to come off as non-threatening as possible.

“Your memories are just starting to come back, this is a very confusing time for you. I know this comes as a shock, but please just trust me.”

“Trust you? You’ve violated me! You took an oath of chastity.”

“As did you!” Chaise sternly rebutted.

Nadia grabbed at her head with her free hand and Chaise saw a chance to disarm her. She caught his movement at the corner of her eye and warded him away with the tip of the blade. She was clumsy with it and was clearly concerned about her lack of precision.

“You aren’t a royal guard anymore; that was your previous life. This is only the second or third time you’ve held a sword in your hand, you’ll hurt yourself.”

“I lived by the sword since age five, I could never forget,” she argued, unbalanced.

“That was before. Your body now isn’t used to the balance or weight. Please, put it down.”

“No, stay back. I know who I am. I know what I must do!” She took a short moment to look around. She knew that this was a place she had shared with Chaise for years, but it became foreign to her all at once. The pictures of her smiling in his embrace were no longer her. That was another girl with a different name.

“You will not follow me, Sir Ermingild.” She threatened as she reached for a long coat. She threw the coat over her sleepwear and snatched up her bag and shoes. As she bolted out the door, Nadia threw the sword at Chaise and ran into the hallway. She didn’t wait for an elevator; her body demanded she meet the pace of her mind, and it was racing. Down twenty-two flights of stairs she ran until she filtered out into the lobby. A woman smiled to her and said “Good morning,” but Nadia was still disoriented. The woman knew her as someone else, but she still nodded in response. There was only one person on her mind: Perdita.

Nadia had enough money to buy what was needed to reach Perdita. She could get a train ticket, but with the way she was dressed, she thought she might raise a red flag. She would have to pay someone to drive her and called for the first taxi she could grab. The driver scoffed at Nadia when she told him where she needed to go, but he quickly agreed to her price, granted she pay in advance.

The ride out of the city seemed to go on forever, and there were a few times the driver wanted to pull over to make sure Nadia was all right. Her memories were warring and her mind became a turbulent battleground. She slipped in and out of consciousness, and every time she closed her eyes, a new memory emerged.