-Lost? - a sweet, angelic voice asks.
-Yes. Very. Have you ever passed by a place that was never important to you, but you feel like you lived a past life there? Or do you think you know someone who died there?
-Sometimes, it's as if it were a cry for help from the little that's left of my soul, as if it didn't want or couldn't, perhaps, die for good.
-So, I'm not crazy.
-No, no one is. But I feel good, I breathe the air of this green space, there can be nothing here that is dead.
-I am…
-Then touch me.
-What? - confused.
-Touch me! Only then you will see if you are alive or dead.
And he touched her. He placed his hand on her shoulder, then her knee. Then he took her hand, and looked into her eyes, they smiled together and turned their faces back to the horizon.
Erick is alive. And Lisa resuscitated him.
This story takes place in college, a college that is close to a river*. Which has some flamingos, and a bridge, and is divided differently from the others.
Erick never liked his name. Erick never liked his appearance. Erick never really liked anyone. Erick is from the communication and art department.
Erick Miguel Pinha thinks he's a failure, who only has one real friend: Sebastian Cunha, another who thinks he's a nobody. However, Erick leads a promiscuous, disorderly, confused life. We would even say sordid, from a moral or religious point of view. He goes to several parties, where there is a lot of alcohol, and marijuana too, and now and then, if he went to a more isolated, private party, some pills would appear that make him feel one with the music boxes, he would go crazy with music that wasn't even music; it was just deafening beats that accompanied his ferocious heartbeat.
At these parties, he kisses as many lips as he wants, and it doesn't matter who he is or how old he is, it's just another number he's lost count of since high school. It's just one more guy or one more girl who touched your lips, it's just one more beer or it's just one more dance.
Erick prefers nightlife, as he only thinks about that during the day. He likes to play, despite still being a mere apprentice. It's part of the tuna**, but for now, it's only part of the sequence of flags. Dressed, with emblems all embroidered and pins***. It's with those dancing patterns that he can inhibit himself from certain thoughts, it's a barrier between the shame of being there in front of everyone and the fear of making mistakes.
Lisa is modest, simple, and kind. Someone coming from a completely different world than Erick. A pure girl, who never went to bed with any boy, only kissed and that was out of carelessness. From a religious family, with loving and helpful parents too. An only child, with a promising future, surrounded by friends as simple as she is.
Lisa is part of the languages and cultures department. Lisa loves reading, writing, and going out with her friends. Her life at college ends up being monotonous, (we all know this is not good), she does not participate in parties, groups, and clubs, and doesn't work. For her, going to classes, having her free time and pleasant company is enough.
Poor Sebastian is from the biomedical sciences department, he dreams of being a professor in the field, and he will succeed if he continues being as bookish as he is. He likes taking photos, he had to learn a lot about it at university with friends of his. He leads a rather monotonous academic life like Lisa, but he is always pulled by his childhood friend, since elementary school, to do things with him, like going for a walk, watching rehearsals, going out, and having a few drinks, what's wrong?
But amid this life, Erick feels alone. Lying in bed, in the house he shares with three other boys in the neighborhood, with a hungover. Headache, and infinite depression. He feels a great emptiness within himself, he leads a life that he thinks is a temporary solution to his real sadness. He doesn't like to comb his hair, but if he doesn't, he won't "catch" anyone. He doesn't like getting dressed, but he can't walk down the street in pajamas, it's weird, so he gets dressed. It's not that he doesn't like it, it's more of a “not being able to”, a very strong “not wanting to”.
On a morning like any other, Erick wakes up earlier than the others who live with him and goes to the houses behind the mathematics department. He hits the window of Sebastian’s room, or “Sebas”, with small stones that he picks up along the way. He managed to memorize which window it was over the two years he had been living there. Erick notices Sebas's middle finger on the glass, which drags until it disappears. He waits for him at the front door and Sebas comes out looking sleepy, still wiping off his eyes, dressed in basic clothes. They don't say a word, they walk slowly towards Sebastian's department.
-Shall we buy "Integra-te"**** tickets later? I've been saving.
-I don't know if I'll…
-Don't come with excuses, Sebas, you promised you would stay here for that, to go with me.
-I know, but I don't want to lie to my parents...
Even though Sebastian is already twenty years old and has gone to college, and lives alone, his parents control him a lot. From a young age he had strange rules about how to behave at home or outside, what he should or shouldn't do, what he should or shouldn't wear. A control that he always accepted, and was never against, until he reached the ninth year of elementary school. It was at this time that Erick began to rebel and took his friend along.
Marcos Castilho Secondary School, Águeda, where they are both from. One day, on a random afternoon, when they are already in high school, Erick gives the idea of going to Porto to spend the night in a nightclub. Sebastian was trembling, thinking about what possible excuses he was going to give his parents, but Erick said that he had already called them and said that they were going to spend the night at the house of one of their classmates, who was going to be an accomplice to the lie. “Why do you insist so much?” Sebas asked at the time but had no answer. “How do you plan on getting in there?” Erick smiles and shows fake identity cards, as hard as the plastic of the originals. Sebas is surprised and asks where he got that or how he did that, to which Erick replies very naturally “I paid a guy who lives 20 blocks away”.
From Águeda, they go to Aveiro and then to Porto. When they got there, they got off the train and walked around the various places until six in the afternoon. When it struck midnight, they ordered a taxi to that nightclub. An hour between shots and awkward conversations, Sebas found himself lost. He couldn't find Erick anywhere, he was alone. He goes to the dance floor, where several people are rubbing shoulders or dancing, he doesn't know the difference, and after hitting many shoulders, he finds him... with another boy.
Both, with the empty glass in their hands, gave small kisses on the lips. Erick was not dancing provocatively, but rather dizzily, already drunk. Sebastian widens his eyes, adjusts his glasses in place, and shakes his head as if what he was seeing was a dream or a lie. In these shocks, the boy leaves with Erick, and Sebas follows them. They entered the bathroom and he was outside waiting there. Minutes passed and more questions popped into his head. Is Erick gay? He never told me? Who is that guy?
And another few minutes passed and he couldn't stand the electronic music anymore. He goes out and waits in the street, sitting on the sidewalk. However, even on the sidewalk, he saw people's addictions. Others would leave one nightclub and go to another, with alcohol levels already high enough. Others vomited.
After an hour of waiting, on a cool almost summer night, he no longer feels the heat of other bodies, he can perceive the real temperature of the world, the beauty of the black sky, and appreciate the street lights on for the lost and for the cars that passed by as if it were all normal.
Erick leaves with an upset look on his face. He sits next to Sebas, without saying a word. It's their communication, when they are sleepy or upset, they don't say anything because the guys' breathing or eyes are noticeable. Sebas then stood up and reached out his hand to him. They walk to the station and wait there for the four o'clock train.
Still without saying anything to each other, Sebas takes out his cell phone and sees three missed calls from his father and mother. “Fuck…” he says and puts his hand on his forehead, takes a deep breath and calls back. He heard bullshit, disrespect, and genuine concern. He assured them that he was at the other boy's house and that everything was fine, that Erick was in the bathroom, he couldn't talk to them on the cell phone, that they were playing, and that they could sleep later because the next day was Saturday, it wasn't that worrying. Sebas conveyed confidence in his words. The first step of children who have more controlling parents: they become the best liars.
He hangs up the call and Erick touches his shoulder with his finger. Sebas returns to looking at nothing ahead, and Erick does the same again. He was playing that childish game to get attention. At the end of it all, they are still children, but only big ones. When Sebas asks what he wants, Erick answers.
-I'm not gay.
-Saying you are something, but end up doing something else...You could have told me, I've known you for years, it wouldn't make any difference to me.
-No, idiot, I'm not. I wanted to come here because I arranged online to be with a girl, but when we arrived, she couldn't go there anymore. I got upset, and I drank and drank…I thought it was a good idea to try with a guy because, after all, I don't want to die stupid either.
Sebas widens his eyes and laughs. Very. He hits the leg, hits the knee, hits the stomach, hits the bench, and even Erick's leg. He goes on to explain that he didn't like it, but it wasn't the worst thing in the world either. He didn't like being with a man, but if he ignored it, it was a kiss and sex like any other. Sebas laughs more and Erick laughs along. Sebas laughs at the way he tells the situation, very seriously. When they arrived in Águeda, they were morally and physically dirty, drowsy, with breath, but smiling. Boys will always be boys. Take a shower. The plan worked, and so Sebas' evil ways also began.
-Will your parents ever know? It's a party like any other, with shows. When it's the "Enterro"*****, you say you're going to see the parade, are you going to say no to that too? Come on. Do they, by any chance, have cameras in your house?
-Right! I will, but only one day! I have more to do than put up with you.
-You love me, shut up - he laughs.
Meanwhile, Lisa leaves her house. Dressed in a flowery dress, and buckle shoes, with straight hair, and a little blush on her cheeks. Lisa is from Porto. She listens to music, says good morning to all the cleaning ladies, and heads to the department. She finally arrives at the entrance to her greatest achievement. Come in and see your colleagues. Of all her friends and colleagues (she makes the distinction between these two things very well), the ones she feels the most affinity with are: Amadeu Duarte Valeixo and June Branca.
June is another simple girl, not so pure, but caring and intelligent. From the Azores. She does volunteer work, she often gets not-so-good grades because instead of studying, she spends mornings and afternoons working for the university or volunteering for different things. Her academic resume is one to envy.
Amadeu is the opposite of them, he would be someone who would get along well with Erick and Sebas. From Lisbon. Very playful, supermarket worker, helpful, and atheist. He likes going out to the same type of parties that Erick goes to, but it wasn't always. He is the type of person who loves to do things alone, go to the movies and parties alone, and eat alone. None of them say his first name, they always say his second name “Duarte” because as soon as they say “Amadeu”, they burst into compulsive laughter. They said that it was an old man's name, that his parents must have been religious like theirs to have given him such a name.
They catch up, about how the weekend was, how they wanted to sleep, how they didn't want to put up with that teacher, how tired they are.
-Lisa, come to Integra-te.
-Integra-te? For what, Duarte?
-It's not for drinking, or… I don't know, doing other things, which I know you, I know that both of you are not into those, but we were supposed to see the shows. There will be funny artists this time. Don't ditch.
-I? I will, but only if you are with us the whole time - says June.
They laughed and he assured them he would be by their side, like a bodyguard.
On the same day, in the afternoon, after lunch, both groups of friends take the same route to buy tickets. They were in the same space, at the same time, and never noticed...
*University of Aveiro, in Portugal is next to a river considered the "Portuguese Venice".
**"Tuna" in Portugal, are male/female or mixed academic musical groups formed solely by students from a certain University/College/Academy who play Traditional Portuguese music.
***Typical university student wardrobe, called "traje" (close to what is seen in Harry Potter movies)
****"Integra-te" is a party with lots of concerts, held at the University of Aveiro in October, for new students.
*****"Enterro" is another party with concerts and a parade of different degrees, in April.
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