Neel

The wind from the open window hits my face, I shiver a little and woke up to see my watch, I still have 15 minutes to reach the bus stop. The bus is going a little fast so the wind touching my face is like slapping me. At least I woke up because of it.

It’s been around fifteen days since I came back home and eight days since I dropped my application for dropping out of the college. The sudden death of my father was like a stroke to me, and I got the news the morning after I had quarrel with Nick which lead us to the conclusion that nothing is going to happen between us. All we can do is both be friends and move on. I left everything in rush and came here. Did all the things needed to be done.

After burning the corpse of my father, my mom went to her sister’s house because, well I don’t know. I didn’t ask her either and she took the ashes by herself. I gave her the car and came by bus.

The bus stopped, the conductor said the name of the place. Since it was my stop A, I got up from my seat and came out of the bus. I turned to see the bus go, travelling its route. The path which leads to my hometown is just from the right side of the bus stop. But here I am, standing and facing the sky. I looked at my watch which told me its 5:00pm and the sky is kind of violet. With sun about set, making the scattered clouds turn orange and yellow and shades of red.

Standing still, looking in the sky I find myself calm. Too calm, I can say. And then I started walking towards my hometown. It’s a small town with beautiful sites. It begins with a wide path leading it to its entrance, with light lampposts.

The lampposts on the either side of the path switches on to illuminate the path. This makes all the houses visible while walking, clearly stating that its evening time and night is about to come. Its winter so, nightfall nearly at 5:00pm is pretty common but the sky is damn beautiful. I keep looking up while walking, to engulf the scene in my mind.

/* Well I am engulfing the sky; I am asking myself the question, why? Why do I keep looking the sky? Why is my head so silent and quite? There are no thoughts, nothing. I am neither thinking about my dad’s death nor about the night of quarrel with Nick. It’s like my mind is not letting any thoughts come into it. Like… it has gone, in self isolation mode all by itself.

I am kind of relieved about it. I don’t want to crowd my minds with thoughts, about how life is going to get tough from this point onwards, how am I going to manage stuff, house, support mom and live a life. Now all come down on both of us. We have to look after each other.

Well when a person would be glad that he isn’t over thinking or getting sad and worked up already, which too I am, I am kind of worried too. The place where my mind should be stuffed with emotions, grief, and fear of future and haunt of past, it’s filled with emptiness. But doesn’t that happen the other way round? People think of getting rid of thoughts to quite their mind and here I am thinking why mind isn’t getting worked up?

Is something wrong with me?*/

…

By the time I reached my house, which is a little up as the land gets a little high there; I turn around to capture the scene one more time which now doesn’t exist anymore. The scenery is now more. The sky is filled with dark blue opaque colour showing the sun has totally set and the cold winter breeze hit my skin. It’s going to be a cold night.