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Valiant of My Heart

Prologue

Prologue

Jul 10, 2019

"OMGGGGG!!!! Dawn... You look so beautiful.... Ohh... my .... God... That dress is so... Awesome. I was right. You look like a princess. My little princess. What am I going to do without you???!!! Wait... I am going to cry now..." 

Dawn Knight looked at her best friend amusingly. "Little?? I'm 24 already. Hmm?? Also... I am older than you. Right?"

Erika, looking very earnest and innocent spoke. "As a very learned, serene, cool sage said... Age of a person is not measured with how experienced she is  but by how much she has experienced..." She spoke with an solemn voice.

"Ohh Pray tell me, who is this learned, serene, totally cool sage is???" Dawn raised her eyebrow and asked amusingly.

"What sage??" Celia Knight asked coming inside the room.

"Oh nothing, Erika was just telling me about this cool sage who apparently is a ..... Wait for it.... a SMART ASS!!?!!" Dawn replied with a smirk.

"Ohh yeah... well... Let me you... uhh you..."

"You uh you... What??"

"Now... now... Don't fight. You are just providing entertainment for the brides and their families in the shop..." Celia said motioning around them, with an twinkling smile.

Dawn and Erika stopped and looked around. True, there where women gathered at the door,... sitting by sofa... even the one holding a dog was looking interested in their fight. Hell, Dawn thought, even the dog was looking at them... Why is it crinkling its eyes? Is it laughing?? Dawn wondered.

It might as well be thinking 'Well... well... well. look a Cat fight!!!', which is very disturbing... since Dogs hate Cats.

Oh my god

I'm going crazy....

Dawn's eyes widened with her self-realization...

"Uhh Mrs Knight.... Is there something wrong... with Dawn?? Why does she looks so weird?? Like she has some screws loose??" Erika looking at her friend's slightly horrified face.

"Stop it, Erika..." Her mother chastised her "It is just nerves before marriage. I had them too. It's perfectly normal."

"Really??" Erika asked astonished.

"Why of course? Have you seen Dawn's father's photographs before marriage? He could be called as a giant. You hear me... A GIANT!!?!! It was an arranged marriage between us. I was so scared that I went CRAZYYYYYY!!!!" Celia finished with a yell.

Celia continued yelling at the top of her voice. "So I perfectly understand how my sweet... but uhh... slightly unhinged daughter... must be going through. Ohh MYYY!!! I can't still believe my BABY is going to leave me..." Celia whispered sadly. "What am I gonna do without my daughter?? After Dawn, you are going to marry and leave me. What will I do then?? My purpose in life is naught but an empty hole which goes on growing like a black hole or a wormhole..." Celia finished, now wailing openly.

"Mrs Knight!! STOP IT!!" Erika whispered "What are you doing??"

"What??..." Celia stammered between her sobs.

Again, but now Erika and Celia looked around.

And vola... now they had even a bigger audience including the shops owners and salesgirls, thanks to Dawn's mother's melodramatic act... Erika thought morosely.

Erika was Dawn's Childhood friend, so she knew... When Celia becomes depressed, she is even worse than Shakespeare.

Great, Erika thought, now people think that we are comedians. Next they would think that we are all a happy, sweet, crazy family. Thank God I m not like them. I m filled with awesomeness....

Erika thought smiling like a goon.

The chubby sales girl asked horrified, "Why is that girl smiling like she is plotting a terrorist attack??"

The head matron said looking at the Knight family amusingly "Don't worry they are like that. You should have seen them at their cousins wedding. They came here to buy clothes, you know. Let's just say it's like watching an reality show in real life." Then she herself started laughing loudly. The chubby girl looked at her boss and whispered to her colleagues, " I want to leave this loonie job. When should I give my resignation notice??".

Hearing the head matron's laughter, Dawn startled. Don't think these things, You are smart, confident, independent women of high social standing, Dawn thought, I can do this.

"So what do you think ? I think this dress is just fine." Dawn asked her mother and best friend.

"Only you can term a dress such as that as 'just fine'." Erika replied shaking her head.

Celia nodded.

"Mom..?" Dawn questioned her mother accusingly "Are you agreeing with her?" Then she narrowed her eyes.

"Ohh You look just like your father when you do that. Ohh" Celia said with motherly love.

"Really??" Erika smirked.

"Don't change the subject!!" Dawn said haughtily.

"It's so nice to see such love in the family. I m so glad they come here. People don't value their families more nowadays. You know?" The head matron exclaimed with genuine delight. Isis, the most experienced and the head salesgirl smiled at her boss. She considered her as a family. As long as could remember she has worked her. Not just because of her pay or job status, because Khoobsurat was a very upcoming and sophisticated boutique which only the rich frequented. But she felt like she has found her place in the world to call as her home.

"You know I grew up as an orphan. When I used to see people disrespecting their parents, I used to get sad because if I have one I wouldn't be arguing with them in the middle of streets."

Susanna​, the head matron said, "They are to be treasured. I would be very thankful if I find them. It would be a miracle"

Isis nodded since she herself was an orphan. Who could understand better than herself. Having a family, Isis thought looking at the Knight family, is such a wonderful feeling. I wish....

Suddenly the phone rang.

Susanna​ got up and lifted the phone off its cradle and spoke in a happy and bubbly voice, "Hello, this is Khoobsurat, where dreams come true. How may I help you today??"

Isis could see how Susanna​ became so successful. Not because of her entrepreneur and zeal to make Khoobsurat successful, but her intimate nature to make everyone feel at ease. I m so lucky, Isis thought with a satisfied sign.

Susanna listened and beckoned her with her fingers, and whispered keeping her hand on the phone mic, "Its a call from Miss Knight's fiancé. Could you please call her here??"

Someone tapped at Dawn's shoulder. Looking back she saw a salesgirl whispering to her, "Ma'am, there is a phone call from your fiancé. Would you like to receive it?"

"Yes, please." Dawn replied.

The salesgirl smiled and said, " Yes Ma'am, please allow me to help you." And beckoned her to follow her.

What wonderful manners, Dawn thought, Peter always says I don't have proper etiquette.

The head matron handed her the phone and walked away with the salesgirl to give her privacy.

"Hi Peter." Dawn greeted happily, " Why are you calling now? I m so excited. I have this dress which is ..."

" Stop it, Dawn." Peter said interrupting " I want to tell you something" he said in a hurry and slightly in a panicking mode.

"What is it?" said Dawn alarmed, "Is there something wrong?"

"This whole thing, that's what is wrong. The date, your family, tuxes, the catering the floral arrangements, the wedding .. Every DAMN thing is wrong, Dawn." Peter yelled ," I can't go through this Dawn, I just can't."

"Clam down, Peter" whispered Dawn slightly shaking. She looked around to see if anyone's watching. No one was there. "It's just the wedding jitters. Everyone has them you know even my mother. There is no need to panic about it." Dawn whispered with a shaky smile.

"I m really sorry to do this but I just can't. I m so sorry..." Peter's voice came in whispers.

" Wait, Peter listen. Just wait. Whatever is this we will figure it out. Ok?? It will be just.." Dawn rushed out. Can't go through the wedding!! It's just nerves, Dawn assured herself, it has to be.

" I m so sorry. " And there was silence followed by the beeepppppp...

Dawn just stood holding the receiver in her hand. She couldn't think. She couldn't form a thought. There was just the sound of beep which kept her occupied. It was he only thing...

Her hands were shaking. Her legs felt heavy. She suddenly felt tired. So tired . There was nothingness.

Just the sound of beep.

Nothing... 

KeraShr
Kera

Creator

Comments (18)

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Refugnic
Refugnic

Top comment

Good evening.
Now, before I get started, this is so not my kind of story, which is why I will not continue to read it and I would like to ask for your forgiveness.

Most of the things I spotted have already been said:
The prologue is a bit on the lengthy side.
This is perfectly fine for a printed novel, but for an online platform like Tapas, 1000+ words is already 'stretching it'.

I understand that you wanted to get to your cliffhanger on the first chapter.
That is a very good decision, because especially on the first chapter, it is VERY important to leave the people 'wanting to know more'.

I noticed that you have a few switches in times, a number of missing words and some more 'hiccups'.

This does not make it 'unreadable', but they disturb the reading flow, which is something you don't want to happen.
You want your audience to immerse themselves into the world and each time they have to stop to think about what you just wrote, this immersion breaks.

To be noted, I make typographic errors too.
But you should make a habit of reading through what you posted at least once before hitting that 'submit' button.

Reading it out loud also helps.
Having a friend read it would help even more, but I know how hard it is to find someone like that.

Now, I am not a native speaker myself, so it might well be that I am biased in this regard, however the 'narrative' should be free from dialect.

The characters may speak in whatever dialect or even language they please, but you're writing in third person here, which means that you have 'a narrator' that does not participate actively in the story.

And that narrator should be capable of 'proper English'.

Now, a little personal tidbit regarding the 'family issue':
A family that never fights is no family at all.
They are just individuals who each go about their lives and do not care about each other in the slightest.

Just like a couple that never fights is not a couple.

But that's just my two cents on the matter.

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Valiant of My Heart
Valiant of My Heart

3.1k views86 subscribers

Dawn is a sweet girl (sometimes a bit bitchy) having a normal lifestyle, a normal fiancée, a normal (a bit smart) pet and a normal family (very weird).
Oh... Who was she kidding??? When her fiance got cold feet, she found herself left at the altar.
But with family and good friends what more could go wrong!??
Right??
Wellllll.... Many things.

Adam is a straightforward guy (a bit scary) with a new business venture after his military career was finished due to injuries. Suffice to say it's not going so good. People say it's his face, some say it's his nature, some say it's was it himself. But he can't do anything about his face... About his nature; well you could say it is because of his military service. About himself; he would like to speak specifically to them (not in public, maybe straighten them up in a dark alley).

If you like a story with food, love and... well food, this is a story you have got to read. What happens when these two meet?? Let's find out!!!
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Prologue

Prologue

730 views 27 likes 18 comments


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