Void

There's a void inside of me, created by lies. I'm drowning, being beaten down by torment and lies, in a black hole. I need help, to get out, to survive, but no one is there. I am alone. Completely alone. Will you help me? Can I reach for your hand, will you get me out of this pit in which my soul is being sucked into?

Or will you pull your hand away before I can grab it? Would you leave me, on purpose?

Don't Leave Me

You left a ghost for me, and I didn't ask why. As I watched you leave that day, I silently cried. The wind played with your hair, using gentle fingers. How was I to know it would not sweep you away? I ran to you and the parting was so painful. You held me as I cried, my tears creating a river. Leaves overhead, spinning on down, a quilt of green as you left me. At night, remembering a patchwork of stars, you're my everything. The night you told me you loved me, I remember so well, and again I burst into tears.

Death Sentence

When the rivers cried and the souls laughed, I saw you on your knees asking for a second chance.

When the trees fell and the mountains crumbled, I knew you had been denied.

I knew you needed comfort but I had to turn my back. You ran up to the glass between us and you screamed and it shook the skies.

But still, I walked on. Your cries ended and you slumped down, on hand on invisible barricade.

And so, I walked on, leaving you to your death sentence. You looked at your judge, eyes pleading for a second chance. You tried to accept it, but you lost the battle with reason. I can't believe I left you behind, but I had to, for you saved my life, and the debt was paid.

Untitled

Something to save just to save myself. Only beginnings spiraling into nowhere and nothing. Save something that's not alive, just to pretend I matter.

I wonder if I really do matter for I've never done anything worth my life. If I had, would I want this? Walking alone in the rain, because I have nothing left until I see the light and realize I am worth something.

But there is no light, no commanding voice, telling me it's alright, I can weep, I can forget, I am worth the air I waste.

I can't forget, my life is gone, and I don't understand how I did what I did. I don't know why I did what I did.

No one knows, I could survive, but they'll find me soon and I can't live with the guilt.

I need to know, can I live, can I breathe with the weight of the world on my shoulders.

How will I know if you don't tell me, how will I keep my sad life going? Memories flash past my eyes, memories of a happy life.

Memories of golden days in the sun, before thunder struck and changed everything. I was swept away in the current and my mind left me. In a rage, I told myself I'd find you again, even if it took my life. I found you one day, enjoying life with someone else.

This is why I'm not worth what I waste. By breaking down and taking revenge, I tore apart your life. One day I will be found. And you will weep, knowing what you have done to me. I will also weep, but in relief, for I shall not carry my guilt anymore. 

Children

The world ends, though I cannot help it. Lights winking out in houses, the littlest children beginning to cry in fear, for in their minds, the world is ending! But it is just a simple power outage, misunderstood by those who don't yet have to understand.

They are comforted, held by their parents, and told soothing things. The ones who can ignore life, just for now. The ones who are allowed to discover.

And to dream.

Another Untitled

See clouds as they drift across the sky, tatters of a world left behind. An empty hall, full of blank banners and untouched wine.

Even when the sun shines, this place has no life to enjoy it. When the wind blows, it brings the whoops and shrieks of children, but none can be found.

I am looking inside this sad place, inside myself. And all I see is despair. Though looking inside my soul has caused me great pain, I know now I need happiness. But I can find none.

Just like clouds and wind, tatters and imagined happiness, I am a shell.

More Untitled

When the sun cried and the rocks bled red, I knew our friendship was at and end. It ended gently without hard feelings, but still we are now enemies.

We see each other on the street, and you turn and go the other way. You have left me, and now every night I spend alone, I wish I was not alive.

I ask if this is reality or if this is hell. Though, as many times as I call your phone, you never pick up.

This is where I take my final bow, my last curtsy, my goodbye.

This is where I hope you reconsider.

You deserve It

When I knew you had gone, you were forever gone. You had left the earth, the world, and my life.

You made me miserable. I blame you for that. I will always blame you for that.

You were the bane and the love of my life. Now that you have left me, now that you have done evil, you deserve to be unloved.

You deserve what you get.

Trying?

Do I try too hard? Try to get you love me, try to love you back?

I wonder.

Do you know how you torture me? With your lies and your infidelity?

Do you know?

How could you hurt me this way? How could you make my life this; terrorizing like you did?

How could you?

Barbecue Sauce

Barbecue sauce kinda looks like a bloodstain, don't you think?

I wonder if I smeared to on myself if I'd look dead. Maybe it wouldn't be pretend. Maybe I'd sing a song about this conundrum, but I'm too tired to care.

Maybe I'd buy some and paint the town with Christmas light. Maybe I'd give up on this horrible life. Maybe this, maybe that. All my life. Decisions, Decisions.

Maybe I'd smear barbecue sauce on myself and look dead.

Maybe I'd laugh about it.

Fire

I thought fires could be beautiful, but now I'm caught in an inferno, and the ashes are singeing my skin.

I thought the dancing flames could never touch me, but the embers are inside me and I'm burning to death. I can't control it and I'm dying. Maybe I'll paint myself with the gray-white ashes, and become a skeleton. My bones will show, my flesh will scream, reminding me of who I murdered in my dreams.