As far as I can remember I always felt different different from other people I never understood why It was so easy for them to talk and socialize with others when for me it made me feel like complete mess inside I get scared and anxious I freeze up and never knew what to say I was scared of people scared of everyone when I was little I thought I was just shy I didn't know what it was but then I learned about what anxiety was and I feel like I finally understood what was wrong when I hurt my knee it made it worse I felt like it gave my anxiety more fire more ways to torture me when I started having go to physical therapy I was a mess in my head but the thing is when you have anxiety you put on a mask because if others see how scared and anxious you are that it makes it worse making one mistake say one word incorrecty my anxiety would play that over and over in your head I felt like I was better when I was in physical therapy because I was forced to deal with the mistakes that I made and move on so where I could get better but after my knee surgery it was terrible I was in pain not just physically but mentally it just made it harder my anxiety made me think things like your scared your damaged you'll never feel the same I felt like a burden because I couldn't do anything for myself there was times when I told myself I'll never be able to walk again that even if I could it would take forever that's the reason why I got depressed because anxiety can cause you to go to depression and at that and Time I let it get the best of me the only reason I could sleep then was because I was doped up at that time nothing made me happy sometimes I want to say something and no matter how many times I scream it in my head the words won't come out of my mouth I feel trapped in my head I feel like I'm drowning in my thoughts I thought I could deal with this on my own but the truth is I can't the truth is I have panic attacks more often than I'd like to I wanted to tell you just tell anyone about my anxiety about how hard it is but I'm afraid of how they will look at me differently how you will look at me differently about this I'm writing this down because I can't say it because I feel like I needed someone to know not because I want your sympathy are because I think you'll understand but because you're the person I'm the closest to and I do think I need help