"Oww you're hurting me please stop!" I cried, clawing at his hands to let go of the fistful of my hair. "I promise I won't do it again!" In reality I did nothing wrong, well nothing that should have resulted in this beating. It is kind of my fault though, I should have avoided any conflict when he’s in such a bad mood. I could have stopped doing the dishes for a minute and got him the soda he wanted, but instead I told him I’m busy and if he could get it himself. Afterall, I knew he had a bad day at work, his coworker was showing him up lately and got promoted over him.
“You do what I tell you to do, bitch!” He finally let go of my hair, keeping a small clump with him as he let go. He spat on me and left, mumbling about how the soda better be in his hand in a minute or he’ll teach me a lesson again.
I sat on the floor for a minute, feeling around my head for where the missing clump of hair came out of, then slowly feeling around my eye to feel the extent of swelling. No doubt I’d have yet again another black eye for weeks. If Arnold actually let me out of the house people would be swarming all over me asking what happened. I’m not even allowed outside to grocery shop anymore. I can only order my groceries from apps now because I was taking too long shopping. If it costs too much I get a similar lesson as he calls it. I miss the human contact, I miss my family, and I miss my friends. I miss being able to do everyday tasks without the fear of retribution. Above all else, I miss a pain free life. I constantly have at least a couple of bruises, and some of the cuts or scrapes have started to permanently scar. Ten years ago I once had this lovely beautiful skin, silky smooth and flawless. Now I barely recognize myself in the mirror.
My knees popped and groaned beneath me as I scrambled off the kitchen floor to get his soda. My whole body aches pretty much all of the time, making me feel twenty years older than I really am, but then again they say after you hit thirty it all goes downhill from there. The floor had just been mopped so I was careful to not slip and fall, the cleaning solution had a bit of waxy feel to it. My skirt felt a little wet as the floor hadn’t completely dried yet. I wish I could still wear jeans, but a few months ago Arnold forbade me from wearing them, and what he says goes or I get punished. Things have really escalated these last couple of months. Ignoring the throbbing feeling of my eye, I got his favorite soda from the fridge, replacing it with another soda from the case. It would not be a good day if we ran out of cold soda.
The same sense of dread and fear I feel everyday washed over me as I delivered the soda. Such an easy task, yet I feel as if my body would melt from the warm tingly sensation from the anxiety. I could even feel the soda shaking in my wrists. Arnold was on his spot on the couch, with his feet on the coffee table, shoes still on leaving black scuff marks on the beautiful glass I had spent so much time polishing. “H-here’s your soda.” I stuttered a bit. I opened the tab before giving it to him. I once made the mistake of not opening it for him, and let's just say I won’t make that mistake again.
“Now was that so hard?” He grumbled as he swiped the can from my hand. He turned the tv up louder and waved his hand away to dismiss me.
I quickly scurried away, thankful to be out of his presence. I’d like to have a minute alone to do whatever I wanted, but life in this house just isn’t like that. I’d need to start dinner soon then do more cleaning. Even a speck of dust was unacceptable. I had to clean or do chores from the minute I wake up to when I go to bed for the night. Even working full time had to be better than this! Sometimes I let myself dream of having freedom; having my own house, my own car, my own career, and most importantly my own money. I could buy new clothes, and have friends and family over. Yet, as much as I yearned for freedom, it scares me as well. What would Arnold do if I left? Lately the thought popped into my head more and more often, at this point how far things have escalated, would the risk be worth it?
