There are three types of girls on this terrestrial ball I call Spaceship Earth.

Girly Girls (Horse Girls, Princesses): They have dresses and heels for every occasion. They love their makeup and can't stop talking about that hot new guy.

Tomboy (Jockey Girls, Punks): They have seven pairs of jeans and forty t-shirts, most of which are dirty and the rest smell like rotten cantaloupe and old fries.

Then, dear readers, there's me.

Hi, I'm Zero Charrisimi, but my real names are Two and One. My birthdays are February 14 and December 25. Yeah, I know, Valentines Day and Christmas?! Can't a girl get a non-jolly/lovey dovey birthday present? Sheesh.

Okay, okay, I know what your thinking. What the hell does she mean by two birthdays and names?

Well, that, reader, is a crazy tale the likes of which I am still contemplating.