They scan me using some futuristic-looking device that makes my brain hurt whenever I think about how it works. It beeps, then makes a weird humming sound. The angels eyebrows’ are furrowed and they whisper “What the hell?”.

I’m at the gates of heaven, which are two gold gates hovering in the air.  I’m standing on nothing and there’s nothing around me. I know. It’s hard to imagine.

Two angels are in front of me, one with cloud-like light brown hair and freckles, the other with, uhhh…. All I can say is, it looks like their barber did not do a good job.

“Something wrong?” I ask, or I want to ask. Sometimes my brain does this thing where it wants to say something, but my mouth doesn’t open. It happens all the time. Probably cuz I tend to overthink things. 

“We did the scan and it looks like your soul is…” The cloud angel struggles to find the words. 

“Complicated,” the goofy angel finishes. 

“Very complicated,” the cloud angel adds. 

I sigh, blowing the hair in front of my face. “So.” I gulp. “I can’t get into heaven?” It comes out really quiet. 

“You can,” the cloud angel says. “Technically.”

“Since angels treat one another with respect,” the goofy angel explains. “Also since it’s only half of your–”

“That’s quite enough,” the cloud angel snaps, slapping their arm. “We don’t know that for sure.”

“Yes we do, the scanner says–”

“It’s called a malfunction, you big idiot. We’ll take it to The Higher Angels to get it fixed.”

“Malfun–” They close their mouth and decide not to argue. “Yeah. Whatever.”

The cloud angel smiles, tight-lipped. They turn to me and gesture at me to follow. The cloud angel proceeds to snap their fingers. The gate opens and a whole city appears in front of my eyes. An almost normal city. There are buildings everywhere, but less pollution; tree-like things sit on the side of the road, and everything’s in a shade of pure white. Not to be racist.

Angels are everywhere, smiling and talking. If I didn’t know better, I’d thought we were still on Earth. They look like normal people, except with wings and halos. Maybe that’s why they stare and laugh at me. I must look like an outcast–I am an outcast.

We walk down the street, towards a large castle. Everytime I pass someone, they’d stare at me, then take a picture. Yes, they do have phones, but they look like thin sheets of glass enclosed with thin sheets of rubber. 

When we arrive at the castle, two guards in front of the entrance inspect us, then open the doors. I expected the security to be tighter, though I don’t think they’d expect anyone to break in. This is where angels live. 

The inside of the castle’s even whiter than the outside–it almost blinds me. There are portraits of angels hung up on the walls and flowers petals scattered about.

We walk; the hall is long, a white fluffy mat underneath us. It feels like someone is hugging my feet.

We come to a halt at two large wooden doors that look taller than the castle. Chiseled in the front is a halo with two wings underneath. 

“I’ll do the talking,” cloud angel says, to me or goofy, I’m not sure.

“I’ll do the talking,” cloud angel mimics quietly as they push open the door and hold it open. “Screw you.”

“I heard that,” growls the goofy angel.

As we enter, I notice it’s a lot like an empty room, only there are three thrones placed at the back; perched on the thrones are three angels. One has golden hair running past their shoulders; they sit in the middle. One is tall with a peaceful expression on their face; they sit on the left. One is plain, that’s the only way to describe it; they sit on the right. 

“Cotton,” the middle angel says in a surprisingly soft voice. “What a pleasure to see you.”

“Priscilla,” Cotton mumbles, bowing. His cheeks are tinted a crimson red; you can’t even see his freckles anymore. 

Someone clears their throat. 

“Yes, Caz, I haven’t forgotten about you.” The middle angel smiles sickly-sweetly. Their tone’s changed, almost forced. “It’s a pleasure to see you as well.”

Caz grins; Cotton frowns. Oblivious bastards. 

“I see you’ve brought a visitor,” the middle angel continues, clasping their hands. They inspect me, up and down. “Newbie, I suppose?”

I frown. Well. I wouldn’t call myself that.

They laugh; sharp, high-pitched. It sounds like one of those laughs that popular girls in movies have, if you know what I mean.  

“That’s why we’re here,” Cotton says as Caz opens their mouth. They close it and mumble something about bitches. “The scanner detected, um, something that we weren’t sure of.”

“I told him it wasn’t malfunctioning,” Caz snaps, crossing their arms. “But like an idiot, he wouldn’t listen. Instead we just had to take it here, didn’t we, Cotton?”

“It really is best to make sure,” the middle angel agrees, and Cotton beams. His expression reminds me of someone who’s high.

“Damn you,” Caz mutters. I raise an eyebrow. Didn’t know angels were this intense.

The angel on the right whispers something in the middle’s ear. The middle then proceeds to whisper in the left’s ear. 

“Come here,” the right angel says to me. It’s the first time they’ve spoken. I walk over to them; I can feel myself shaking. 

Fucking man up, I tell myself. It’s not like they’re going to hurt you. 

The closer I walk, the taller they get. When I take my last step, I realize how tall they are. All three of them. The middle one’s at least six feet. The left’s about six three. And the right’s…well. They’re seven feet at least. 

They brush their hands against my chest. I hope they can’t feel my damn heart thumping like a maniac. 

“It feels…cold. Yet somehow warm at the same time,” they muse thoughtfully.

“No angel has done it with a demon,” the left angel says, their voice booming. “Not that I recall.”

“There was that incident, y’know, with her,” the middle angel mumbles. 

“That was fifty years ago!” the left angels shouts. Their plain face turns red. From embarrassment or rage, who knows. “They couldn’t have had a child. And even if they did, he couldn’t have been sent to Earth a mortal.”

“True.”

“Facts.”

“I’m still here,” I say. My voice cracks; I hear a chuckle from Caz.

“Yes, we know,” the middle angel says indifferently. 

There’s a moment of silence. All their faces are scrunched up, contemplating. Is it really that hard to decide whether I should stay or not? I pose no possible threat except being too people pleasing. Angel pleasing. Same thing.

Caz slaps Cotton, then looks away.

“May the devils haunt you,” Cotton mouths. 

“I don’t give a fuck,” Caz whispers in his ear, and a tiny gasp escapes from 

Cotton’s lips.

They bicker for the next five minutes or so.

“We’ve decided,” the left angel declares in their thunderous voice, “that you stay.”

“As we are angels,” the middle one adds, like that was what angels were supposed to do or whatever.

I nod. 

A moment later, I feel a tingling sensation travel up my spine and up to my head. I reach up and touch the top of my head. A pair of horns grew there, along with a glowing halo. There were two tiny wings on my back that ripped through my red sweater. 

Damn it. Stupid wings.

The wings were pretty cool, to be honest. But when I tried to fly, they wouldn’t lift and inch off the ground. 

“They won’t work,” the middle angel says, bored. “They’ll be fully

developed in a few weeks.” 

I gaze at the halo on top of my head and squeeze my eyes shut a second later. Nope, bad idea.

“Oh, and we should probably enroll you in the Academy,” the middle angel continues. “Just in case you try to get a little…naughty.”

I blink. 

“Good day,” they say, interrupting my thoughts. I feel two hands on my back, pushing me out the door as it slams shut.

“You know I can walk, right?” I ask in that stupid monotone voice of mine.

“Yeah, no shit.” Caz rolls his eyes.

“Don’t swear in front of the Higher Angels,” Cloud growls and glares at Caz.

“Whatever, wannabe Higher Angel.”

Cloud’s face gets all red; you can see the veins almost popping out of his cheeks. 

“Why you little–” He scrunches up his face, like he’s got something foul in his mouth. “You can’t make me swear.”

They continue arguing, forgetting all about me. I quietly slip through the front door.