"deal" the cold male voice spoke from the shadows in the corner.

I shot up from my bed in a cold sweat, my breathing ragged, broken in a way and sat their blankets pooling around my body it took a minute to get my bearings, my breathing calmed down after a few minutes 

that voice I can't get rid of it, a shudder passes through me as I remember the details of the dream, no I just need to move on.

 I leaned over and checked the time on my phone 4:14 am great still two hours before I need to be up two hours before I'll have Lucas asking me to take him to school, were both 18 and yet I'm the twin with a license

 I still don't get why he doesn't just ask Marco to drive him

 but every time I ask I get the same response "I don't want to be in a car with whatever fan girl Marco plans to or already has hooked up with" and it's just the response needed to hear about my crush who also happens to be my brothers best friend and someone who has told me on multiple occasions what an amazing sister figure I am, how great note the sarcasm,

 I lay in bed for another hour just thinking. I'm stuck in my thoughts something I was told not to do by my psychiatrist.

 After the great memory I got up and showered and yes I have a bathroom connected to my rooms does so Lucas, Emery and conner our little siblings, we're pretty well off dads a hell of a good lawyer and mums a well know fashion designer so they get a lot of money and they think somehow that justifies never being home 

emery and conner don't notice only being 12 and 5 they don't notice a lot too caught up in the wonders of the world I guess

 me and Lucas have arguments all the time about it though

 with his football practice he's never home either and the babysitter having her own life I'm more often they not looking after them.

 I was surprised that they still left after last year there last words before leaving being that I wasn't to tell my siblings about what happened, so I didn't and some things changed but not many. 

I turned of the shower put a towel around myself and looked in the mirror, first day of senior year

 first day back since the beginning of last year I wasn't looking forward to the questions where I had been

 why there were scratch marks down my neck, why there were other scars or any other questions they always managed to come up with, ones I didn't have the answers too

 I was once away for a month in 5th grade and boy came up to me after and asked why I had gone to the land of life what the land of life is I'm still not sure I was pretty sure he was crazy or on something but I don't know.

 I took a deep breath and whispered to myself

 "it's going to be okay just put your head down and hope they don't notice you, avoid there questions and act like nothing happened"

 no one knew besides me, my parents, the nice nurse at the hospital, the police and my psychiatrist 

 I planed to keep it that way not even Lucas knew, even though he bugged me for hours every day while I was locked in my room to know, 

I released a breath and turned the tap on and flicked water in my face today was going to be a good day

 hopefully.