A flash of lightning woke her up and booming thunder shook her to her core. Immediately, a cold sweat could be felt all over her body as her heart raced and she shivered. She felt so pathetic being scared of something like that at seventeen years old.

There was a time when Emi could walk down the hallway and knock on her brother’s door during a thunder storm. Jiro would always let her come in no matter what he was doing.

The beauty of such tight-knit siblings was the total understanding despite unspoken words. It was a blessing to have someone who had been through exactly the same things as each other.

Except the time when his experiences were entirely different than hers.

That day—the day Emi became afraid of the thunder storms.

Her father wasn’t an emotional man. He was the epitome of someone who was dutiful and loyal but not much more than that. In his mind, providing for his family was enough. That was the generation he was raised in where the women dealt with the kids while he was the provider.

No matter how much he gave his wife material possessions and a roof over her head, it wasn’t enough because she didn’t feel loved.

But duty was love, and that should be enough, right?

He thought it was enough until his wife rushed away in their family car with their four year old daughter, into the night during one of the worst storms of the season. She ended up hydroplaning off of the mountain pass leading to her family home. She died almost instantly. Emi was alive but would have deep scars on her thighs from where a tree went through the door as the car rolled before it was thrown down on its side.

The tree that stabbed her was also the thing that saved her from falling down the hill further and going off the cliff. A blessing and a curse.

Fear like that at such a tender age lasted through a lifetime and would never leave. She had PTSD that affected her daily life. There were times she had to go home from school early or miss it altogether simply because it was raining outside and she found the thunder and lightning paralyzing.

After experiencing it from inside of a car where her dead mother lay in an unrecognizable heap of flesh, who wouldn’t be afraid of thunder and have those images flash behind their eyelids whenever a flash of lightning struck?

And tonight, Emi knew that it would never be the same again because Jiro was no longer down the hall from her. In fact, he was nowhere to be found because, less than a month before, his colon cancer finally caught up to him.

The bright light he cast upon all who knew him was dimmed forever; Emi’s protector and best friend gone at a month shy of twenty years old.

Despite that, she walked to his room, but it was too hard to open his door. Her hand hovered over the handle that would slide the door open, but she couldn’t bring herself to push—she hadn’t been able to since the night he died.

He would never be there to joke with her through these complicated responses and anxiety that felt like it controlled her. His easygoing nature would never rub off on her again. Now everything felt so heavy and serious. The tears she cried for him never felt like enough.

He deserved to be remembered, but why did it have to hurt so damn badly? Every time someone tried to help her in her struggle, they would tell her to remember the good times, but the good times were what hurt her the most.

Good times…

There was someone out there who wouldn’t force her to reminisce. In fact, he was the only person who seemed to understand what she was going through.

It wasn’t Emi’s father—no. He had already texted her, informing her that he was sleeping at the office. This was always how it was. It got even worse after Jiro was gone.

In a rush, Emi only had the forethought to get some slip-on sandals to cover her feet; otherwise, her lack of rain protection or long sleeves went unnoticed in her haze of sadness and panic as she sought shelter from the storm that was her mind and heart.

There was warmth she had felt before that she sought so much.

When her brother died, he came to her every day for a week afterward, just to make sure she was holding herself together.

Ren.

He was her brother’s best friend.

Jiro was two years older than her, but Ren was between their ages. He had just entered his first year of university, while she was still trying to get through her last year of high school with all of the tragedies compounding and weighing her down.

With each step, Emi was further soaked until she was shivering, but she hardly noticed. She was busy trying to keep herself together each time thunder boomed in the distance. The lightning she saw far less frequently.

She felt eyes on her, and she turned around quickly, seeing nothing but darkness in the side alleys of the streets. Probably just paranoid, she reminded herself.

She managed to press on until she found the dingy space that Ren’s family occupied. Somehow, it looked like a fireplace in the middle of winter—there was nothing more warm and inviting.

When she finally stopped and knocked on the door, it was then that she seemed to realize just how cold she was. Emi crouched down with her arms wrapped around her legs and the shivering struck her so drastically that she couldn’t even utter a word.

It was a while before she even heard noise over the constant pitter patter of rain hitting the sidewalk and stoop that she occupied. It was as if whoever was on the other side hesitated for a long time before they decided to answer. After all, it was late and a ridiculous time to believe that anyone could be out there, seeking shelter from the storm.

The door opened and Emi looked up. Her eyes met the dark orbs of the young man she had been seeking so desperately. His dark, mussed up hair fell into his eyes, but they communicated his concern all the same. She suddenly felt less alone in this big world.

“Ren,” she cried and sprung upward into his open arms.

He had no choice but to catch her, feeling how bad she was trembling.

“Em, you’re freezing.” He realized. “What are you doing here?”

“Th-the thunder,” she managed to say. “I thought—”

“Shh,” he urged. “It’s okay. I’m here now.”

His hand moved against her back as she clung to him and he tried to comfort her, but it wasn’t exactly the most familiar action to him. After all, only she had ever found him comforting. She found him comforting after her brother died, and it seemed she was doing it again.

Without having to be told, he knew of her hatred of these kinds of storms. He’d been friends with Jiro and Emi long enough to know the secrets of their family. Just as they knew the secrets of his—no matter how embarrassing they might be.

The secrets were… He glanced behind himself and reached out an arm to close the door. Even if Emi knew about his druggy parents, it didn’t mean she needed to experience the sight of them passed out cold wherever they finally landed after coming off whatever high they were riding on.

“The internet cafe,” he whispered. “It’s close by and the only thing open this late besides convenience stores.”

She didn’t care where they went, as long as he didn’t let her go.

Ren managed to get them both to a booth in the internet cafe. He didn’t really have the money to be spending frivolously, but if it was for her, he would always find a way. He had loved her for so long, it already felt like whatever he had was hers—whether or not he could make the confession that this was how he felt from the very beginning.

And there she was, clinging to him as if he was all she had in this world. He did the same to her because that’s what she was to him.

He needed to confess to her, but the idea of her running in the opposite direction was too terrifying. Why couldn’t he be satisfied with what they had now? She was finally seeking him out and showing him the affection he had craved for such a long time.

They shared the small armchair in that booth for an unknown amount of time as Ren simply held Emi, and she slowly calmed down. Her arms were snugly around his neck, and she sat curled in a ball on his lap.

As Emi became a bit more aware of her surroundings—the storm forgotten since she could no longer see or hear it–and seemed to notice how close they were. She was no longer cold because she was stealing his warmth. How could she so casually sit on the lap of her brother’s best friend? Jiro would be so mad at her if he knew just how bad this crush on Ren had grown—into something completely out of her control. He wasn’t there to tell her, but she felt she needed to honor his memory.

Suddenly insecure, she had to break the silence.

“Thank you for being there for me,” she whispered, not feeling confident enough to look him in the eye as she kept her face hidden in the crook of his neck.

“I’ll always be there for you, no matter what,” he assured her. “We will always have each other, Em.”

But he needed for them to get to a place where she didn’t feel guilty for seeking him out. If she knew how he felt, maybe she could grow to find room for him in her heart. Then, he could be someone she could seek out without hesitation.

He wanted to be her happy place so badly. She was already that for him.

This was the furthest they had ever made it with one another. Before, the hugs were shorter and didn’t last long, but he still relished each one.

At some point, Emi began to nod off, and realizing that she was getting too comfortable, she quickly got up, completely embarrassed that she had cuddled up to him for so long. She escaped after dropping a wad of cash onto the table, feeling terrible she had taken advantage of his kindness in her sad haze that she made him pay for a cafe when he was equally as broke as she was. At least she was still under her father’s roof while Ren had paid his way in life for quite a while already since his parents were incapable of that much.

As she wiped her eyes and tried to pull herself together during the walk back to the modest house she now shared with only her father, she couldn’t help feeling that there was someone, again, watching her every movement. It caused her to look over her shoulder around each corner and walk faster than she normally liked to.

But after that weekend, it all went back to normal.

Did she even remember how she held me?

Did his comfort mean anything?