“People are divided into three: enemies, acquaintances, and family. One should make it his aim to turn all acquaintances into family, and, it goes without saying, eliminate all enemies.”

“Douglas!” My eyes snapped open. Huh? Why is everybody looking at me? My brain was still waking up, so it took me a while to notice that the lecturer had directed one of his annoying questions at me.

“Why was Descartes' proposed solution to the mind-body problem widely regarded as inadequate?” Ugh. I stood up, scratched my head for a few moments, and scrounged up an explanation. The professor narrowed his eyes at me before continuing his lecture on Modern Philosophy.

Why did I pick this major? I wondered as I took my seat. I could have chosen any other thing, really, but I went with this one. If I had to guess, it was probably the influence of my late uncle. He sure had a lot of interesting ideas.

He’d entrusted his business to me, so I was well off financially. In a sense, I didn’t need to do any of this. I didn’t need to go to college, or work a part-time job at a fast food shop to support my mother and younger brothers, but in another sense, it was essential. I need to keep up appearances, after all. The very thought almost made me let out an audible sigh.

“What are you thinking about?” A coursemate asked.

“Cogito ergo sum,” I replied, and she rolled her eyes.

“You’re always distracted in class, Douglas.” Uh-oh. Here she goes again. We happened to sit next to each other quite frequently. I mean, I usually sat in the same place, and it was a small class, but coincidence? I think not! Allow me to be delusional for a sec, please.

She started to lecture me like she usually did, and I nodded along, smiling all the while. She was the prim and proper type, so in all likelihood, she was probably just worried about me, and for good reason, too. I always came late to class, did just enough to avoid failing, and distanced myself from almost everyone. She’s pretty much the only person I talk to.

The lecturer probably felt the same way, but he went about expressing his concern in a more irritating fashion. Sometimes, it almost feels like he’s picking on me. But I waived away all these thoughts and my fellow coursemates’ words as I waited for the lecture to come to an end.

Once it did, I’d follow my usual routine of booking it out as soon as possible, but today was a little bit different.

“I and some friends are going to check out a new restaurant that opened up nearby. Do you wanna come?” I stood there, stunned for a few moments, before coming back to my senses. She’s inviting me to a meet and greet with her friends? It sounded like a nice time, but I’d have to turn her offer down.

“I’m sorry. My shift starts at five, and I’m already fifteen minutes late.” I kept it simple and concise, but the look of disappointment on her face stuck with me, bothering me more than it should’ve on my way to the fast food shop.

I should’ve already outgrown emotions like these. It was puzzling and a tad unsettling. I should probably drop out. She’s a good person. She shouldn’t associate with criminals like me. Just then, I turned to see one of my agents trailing behind me, so I slowed my pace and let him catch up to me.

“How’s the new manager doing?” I asked.

“Surprisingly well,” He admitted with a hint of relief in his voice. Our voices were low but clear as we exchanged information.

“That’s good. I can finally start taking things easy.”

“Perhaps,” He seemed to entertain my wishes for a moment. “But, you know, no one can con like you do, boss.” I said nothing in response, and he quietly took his leave.

I stopped at the traffic light and used that short time to think about my life up to that point. I’d deceived a lot of people in my two decades of existence. Even my day to day routine is nothing but a convenient lie I made up to explain where the money was coming from. I’ve worked a lot of “part-time” jobs and met a lot of “friends,” but I felt like something was missing, like something deep within me was fundamentally broken.

Maybe all that philosophy has finally affected me. I tried to joke about it, but there was this sense of unease that wouldn’t go away no matter how hard I tried. I looked up, and that was when everything changed.

***

I opened my eyes to an unfamiliar landscape. There were trees as far as the eye could see everywhere I looked and towering mountains with white clouds covering their peaks. The air was fresher and richer than what I was used to, and I could feel a dry, rough sensation in my hands, which had considerably shrunken in size for some strange reason. I looked down to assess the mysterious object, only to find something that resembled a wooden branch.

Is this supposed to be a bow? I asked myself, ignoring the 101 other questions I had for my sanity's sake. I began to thoroughly inspect this "bow," if I could call it that, to distract myself from my dilemma.

"No string, huh? Makes it look like a boomerang," I muttered to myself. My voice was several pitches higher than usual, but again, I didn't want to dwell on that. How did I get here? I wondered, and as I recollected my thoughts, I started remembering all the events that led up to that moment.

I stopped at that traffic light. The fast food establishment was on the other side of the road. I could remember reflecting on my life choices and feeling more sentimental than usual. Then, I…what did I do next?

It’s like there were gaps in my memory preventing me from piecing everything together. How could I have forgotten? I sat on the grass desperately trying to remember what happened as I practically ignored the long, silky smooth, brown hair resting on my shoulders, and the unfamiliar clothes I was wearing.

Yes! It’s all coming back to me! I looked up and saw something I’d never have imagined in a million years: a gaping hole in the sky. My eyes widened in shock, and I tried to alert everybody to the looming threat that towered above us, but it was like they had all gone deaf. Stranger still, they couldn't even see it, or me, for that matter.

The next thing I knew, I was floating at ever-increasing speeds toward the hole. I tried to scream as it was sucking me in, but my voice could no longer come out. Then, I lost consciousness and woke up in this body.

As my situation dawned on me, I suddenly felt an urge to laugh, cry, and scream at the same time. Luckily, I managed to stop myself. What would panicking solve anyway? I tried to be brave, but it wasn’t working. All the signs pointed in one direction, a direction I was familiar with already from all the novels I read. I have been transported to another world, I thought, in a different body...

It was quite clear, really. My line of sight was much lower than it used to be. My hands were smaller. My voice was different, and I couldn't feel a familiar organ down there. At this last thought, I felt the tears bubbling up from inside, and this time, I didn't fight it. I mourned the death of my little guy, even as I set out to start exploring my immediate surroundings.