September 5, 2017

  "Yes, that's all," I told him. "What, no candy?" Axel teased. "No." I said. I looked down at my feet as he scanned the items for me. He bagged everything up and handed it to me. "Oh, by the way, Rebel, I was wondering if you would like to get a drink with me sometime?" "I don't think I'll have time for that," I said looking away. "Come on, Rebel it will be fun." He protested. "You know I'm only 15, right?" I told him. "It's fine. I know a guy." It was silent for a moment. "Please Rebel? For me." He said wrapping an arm around my shoulder and pouting. "We can get to know each other." He continued. "I-I don't have the money to spend on alcohol," I told him. "It's on me, Rebel," he added removing his arm and walking in front of me. "Quit looking for reasons to refuse me." "Fine," I said. "but, you're paying and driving." "Great!" Axel exclaimed. "I will pick you up tomorrow at 6 PM, where do you live?" Axel asked me. "I-," He can't see my house. "Just pick me up at the gas station, it's more convenient for both of us," I told him looking away again. "Oh, okay," Axel said. "Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then." He added as he smiled and walked away. Hey. That's not the smile he wore for those girls. Is he genuinely happy to be going out for drinks with me? It's not like it's a date or anything. Rebel! Shut, up! Why mind, of course, it's not a date. We're both guys! I slapped my face and held my hands up to cover the redness. I'm blushing?! I hurried outside and hopped on the bike to go home.

Once at home, I started to cook eggs and toast. Breakfast for dinner every day. A few minutes later the eggs and toast were ready, and I called everyone to the main room for dinner. Everyone sat down on the floor around the small table and we blessed the food. We sat in silence just eating for a moment until Nova decided to break the silence. "So, Rebel how was your day?" She asked me curiously still shoving eggs into her mouth. "My day?" I asked. I smiled as I thought about what had happened at the grocery store just before I arrived home. I felt myself start to blush as I looked down. Nova gasped. "Rebel has a crush!" She shouted standing excitedly. "Rebel is in love!" She continued. "I'm not!" I protested. "Rebel it's so obvious your blushing like crazy." She said crossing her arms and nodding her head. "So, who is it?" She asked sitting back down on the floor, her arms still crossed. " I can't tell you," I said finishing my food. "I'm not sure about how I feel about him myself." Rebel, you said him! No! I quickly tried to correct myself. "Her, I mean,"I told her looking back down. "Rebel," Nova said softly. " I want to ask you something and you must answer truthfully. Alright?" She asked still softly and calmly like before. "W-what is it?" I asked her looking up. "Rebel,"Nova started. "are you gay?" I froze. Did she really ask me a question like that? A question I can't answer myself. The question I've been asking for so long. I can't answer that question. Not yet. I'm attracted to girls, aren't I? Mae. I like Mae don't I? At this point its hard to say. "I-I don't know," I muttered as Nova, Eida, and mom were waiting. "You don't know?" They said almost in unison. "Yes, I don't know," I told them. "Do you know how long I've been asking myself the same question? When I was never attracted to girls as a kid, I assumed they were just considered ugly to my mind. But, every other boy liked someone. Then, Junior High rolled around, and all the guys had girlfriends or crushes, and I didn't feel attraction to one! Not one! And now, Axel comes up to me at lunch, and I thought he was hot!" I said frustrated with myself. I can't handle this right now. I got up and ran outside to get the bike, for a quick ride to clear my mind. But, it won't help, it'll just make things worse.

To be continued...