These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto      him:
A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running
     to mischief,
A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among
     brethren.

                                                        -Proverbs 6:16-19

Another excerpt from Luke's childhood journal

                                                           April 4, 1766

 It’s not surprising that when Father found out I was ignorant enough to confuse myself with Christ, he started leading Bible studies in our mansion every Sunday afternoon with Mother and all their offspring. Even my baby sister has to stay with the rest of us (fourteen in all) in the parlor as we take turns reading. What is surprising is that my own interest in the book has become more than a pretense. I don’t agree with much of what the church says. And I don’t relate to the perfect Jesus, but to other Bible people—people who made mistakes, who sinned, either in the open or secretly. Today, when Mother started reading to us about the twins Jacob and Esau, I took the lead in asking questions. “I thought the eldest always inherits everything. Why did God say Jacob would get it all instead of Esau?”

Asher turned and gave me a sour look. But Mother said, “He did get it, too.” She looked as if she were thinking carefully about something.

“Wouldn’t it be fairer to divide it all evenly between the brothers?” I suggested.

Mother’s eyes widened. “Exactly what I was thinking!” she said.

Father spread his arms to embrace a view of the spacious room and the open door beyond. “Suppose they didn’t both want to live together but they had a house like ours?” he said. “Would you break this mansion apart in the middle, brick by brick, and carry half of it to a new location?” It looked like he suspected I wanted Asher’s share. “Look how old the tradition is! It goes back far into early history, and God approves it—”

I interrupted, “But God is the one who said the elder will serve the young—”

“Normally,” Father said, “it’s easier to keep all the property in one place and have one son to take care of the others, and it makes sense that the one to do that should be older and more experienced than they. Also, the eldest is able to spend more time with the parents and can be better at representing their wishes.”

“So why the exception here?” I persisted.

“You’ve said enough about this, Luke,” Asher scolded. “Give someone else a turn.”

I have heard Asher boast of what he plans to do with our family fortune: spend half of it on luxuries, and invest the rest in doubtful investments.

The only reasons I didn’t challenge Asher then and there was that Father favors him (like Isaac in the Bible favored Esau), and that I also need to stay on Father’s good side, if there's any hope at all that I could become the heir.

It could happen… a little accident here and there, another epidemic of smallpox, and I could be the first in line. Three boys older than me.

Jacob gained his brother’s birthright by manipulation and trickery, and God blessed him. If Jacob, who fooled his aging father by disguising himself and lying repeatedly to the old man, could be loved and favored by his Creator, maybe even I could. Is there a way I could obtain God’s favor? Maybe I could change my attitude to match the front I keep in public. But would I even like myself if I did that?

While musing over these questions, I caught Mother saying, "And Luke can sail to England for medical school and become the amazing doctor and man of God I saw in my vision of him nine years ago."

"I can?" I asked. "Man of God" is an identity that makes me sick to my stomach, but "doctor" attracts me greatly. My heart sped up. "If anything happens to Father--heaven forbid--will Asher assure me the funds for medical school?"

Father spoke. "Your mother was telling us she would like money set aside for each child in the family. It would surely bring no hardship."

"But," said Asher, "how can you lay aside such a long tradition? You know I'll take care of everyone! If I didn't, the family would drift apart. Luke there, for instance. You know how many fledgling American doctors never come back home?"

I sighed. "Many love England. I would surely like to learn why firsthand. Should you hold me back from the liberty of choosing my future?" I turned to Father. "Please... My heart burns for the medical occupation. You know I have the careful and articulate mind for science. And Mother's premonitions have come true before."

The other four boys spoke of their desires to obtain a good trade and attract an appropriate wife. The girls want to marry respectably. Father laughed and said, "There's plenty to go around. Asher, wipe that frown off your face. You'll have the greatest fortune among them, to be sure." 

I found that my heart burned not just for the respect and power of the medical profession, but also for a larger share in the wealth. Asher certainly doesn't deserve it; I expect he will squander the family fortune. Will this beautiful mansion belong to any of us when we are of age? Does anyone but me have the determination to make sure it stays in the family?

After our family meeting, I took the Bible upstairs to my room, along with a commentary, to get more perspectives on those fascinating twin brothers. I'm stricken by Jacob's similarities to me. He wanted the birthright, and bought it from his brother with a meal when Esau was famished. He wanted his father’s blessing so bad he went in Esau’s place into their father’s tent and deceived him. And they tell us God rewards the good people? Rubbish! God certainly doesn’t seem fair and just to me. People say He is love, but if that’s so, why does He hate some people? I've read that in a number of passages in the Bible. In any case, I will work hard for what I crave, and I can't assume God will keep me from attaining it. He may-or He may not.