Read It's Just BL! :: Night Talk

Ba-dump Ba-dump Ba-dump!!!

"Jesus I just can't take this."

Jordan squeezed my hand tightly.

"Jordan.....can you let go of my hand?"

"Is that what you really want?" He responded as he gave my hand a squeeze.

Gulp

"No....wait.....shit I just don't know what's normal anymore...." I thought to myself.

I bit my lip and looked at him.

"It's okay for friends to hold hands Coy...especially when someone needs to be comforted..."

He squeezed tighter.

thump thump thump!!!

I shut my eyes hoping to God that he couldn't feel my heart beat.

"So...what happened?" He said gently.

".........."

I couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth behind my highly respected father. I couldn't work up the courage to tell him about Luke's heart breaking struggles. "Not that it's my place anyway."

"And I can't tell him about my past, or about my conflicting feelings about who I really am...."

I slipped my hand out of his as we both sat there in silence.

Sigh...

"If you don't want to talk that's okay too....just please let me be there for you."

"Why are you doing all of this?" I said. "Is it really that fun toying with me...I mean hell Jordan...you don't even know anything about me..."

"Shit that was the first time I've ever said his name clearly to his face.....I feel weird inside"

I turned my head towards Jordan. He was looking at me with such caring eyes....

"That's the first time you've said my name in such a serious manner.....and not just once."

He tilted my chin up.

Gulp~

His face was so close I could feel his breath on my lips.

BA-DUMP BA-DUMP BA-DUMP!!!!!

"I'm still not sure what I'm feeling, but it feels strange......strange and extremely intense"

I began to lean in.

Jordan exhaled, closed his eyes, lowered his hand, and moved his face back.

"I don't know why but my heart just dropped....it felt as if my feelings were hurt....but why?"

"My brother died last year.." He said.

"Whaaa..." I was speechless.

"Why is he telling me this???"

"He took his own life."

"Oh my God..."

He grabbed my hand again and held on so tight that I couldn't break free.

He turned to me. "Sometimes when you can't find the words to talk about what is tearing you apart, it helps to hear about others' pain...so that you know that you are not alone." He smiled a half smile that was bitter sweet.

Tears came to my eyes. I had no idea what to say to that.

"Coy..." He looked at me once more.

Tears were welling up in his eyes too.

"I know more than you think I do." He ripped up my sleeve on my free arm and held tight to my other hand. I broke free and covered my arm with my hand. But it was too late...

GASP!

I pulled my sleeve back down quickly.

"Those scars..."

"Fuck...." I thought.

He grabbed my wrist and pulled my sleeve up once more.

"Dammit why is he so strong???..."

To my shock he lightly kissed my wrist then he closed his eyes and pressed my hand against his cheek.

"I'm glad you are back to being yourself...."

"What is he talking about?!"

He leaned back and kept a strong hold on my hand.

"Shit...I still don't know what to say.."

"I laid some cypress on his grave..." He said lightly.

I still didn't say a word. How could I?"

"Ah!..I don't know rather I should ask this..it might dig deeper into his wound.....but my head is spinning and he seems calm about it..."

"Um Jordan...why..um...why.." He cut me off.

"Why pieces of cypress leaves?"

"Yeah..." I said looking down hoping I didn't strike a nerve.

He giggled.

"Huh?!? ....What could possibly be funny about that??"

Sigh~ "People usually would leave flowers and not ugly leaves huh?"

"Ehh...yeah..." I said. Feeling sort of ashamed.

"Don't feel bad I can talk about it now." He said so nicely and softly not letting go of my hand.

"This time though....on the anniversary last month I left a Coreopsis......"

I wanted to ask why...in fact I wanted to ask what in the hell a Corepsis flower even was, but I didn't feel like this was the time for that.

Instead I did something I wouldn't ever of dreamed of.

"It's okay...I'm not in my right mind and it's late.........Yeah I'm tired and delirious. That's why I'm about to do this."

I laid my head against his shoulder and squeezed his hand.

Jordan flinched. I looked at him, head still on his shoulder.

He was bright red.

"Him blushing is cute......I'm delirious..I'm aloud to think that.." I thought. Not sure who I was trying to convince that I am straight. Him, or...myself.

"Um...Coy?" He whispered vibrating in to my ear.

Shiver*

"Don't get any ideas........I'm just trying to play nice with the man who is black mailing me." He snickered. Once again I felt a shiver down my spine but I nuzzled in closer. I could feel his heart beat racing and felt his body heat radiating throughout my entire body.

My heart began to speed up once again.

"What is so funny?" I whispered looking up at him.

He gazed into my eyes.

His eyes glossed over.

"Ahhh nothing....like you said it's fun to play with your prey.." He smiled and rubbed his thumb against my hand.

I flipped my head up.

"Shit! don't do unexpected stuff like that!...I told you already..."

"Yeah yeah, it's not like that." He said leaning my head back against him."

"Jordan.." I said.

"Yes?..." He answered.

"He's surprisingly more red than before."

I felt my cheeks burn up as well.