My feet dangled over the edge of the roof, my wings spread wide behind me, ready to catch me if the wound blew me off my precarious perch. The top of the military headquarters, the tallest building in the city, wasn’t meant for sitting. Over three hundred stories of slowly shrinking floors meant a tiny top floor that hadn’t even been able to fit a storage room. I sat on the blunt peak of it, staring out over the city that I was being forced to leave in the morning.
An odd mix of squelching and popping noises drew my attention.
“Go home, Jack.”
“How’d you know it was me?” His head popped over the roof. He’d changed himself, most likely to try and blend in with the night; he was still so small and slender I could have reached out and snapped him in half, but his skin was almost as dark as his inky black hair. The only real color was his teeth when he flashed me a smile, and the light lavender eyes he hadn’t bothered to change.
“You’re the only person I know who has extra limbs with suckers, and the only one stupid enough to use them to climb a building.” My voice was flat. I rested one elbow on my knee, and dropped my chin into it.
Despite the fact that I had gone to that building to avoid them all… I couldn’t send him away. I flexed my wing back to give him room to sit next to me, before curling it forward, wrapping him in feathery warmth because I knew the breeze would make him cold.
“Why are you here?” I asked, my voice still flat and dull.
Jack curled closer to my side, shivering slightly despite my attempts to keep him warm. “Devin told me you were leaving the city in the morning.”
“I’ll tear his throat out.” My usual snarl was gone. It was hard to feel much of anything when all of my emotions had run so high that I felt… dead, almost.
Jack laughed softly, low in his throat. “You know he only did it because he cares about you. We all know where you go when you’re upset. He told me because he didn’t want you to be alone.”
My heart twisted in my chest. “You shouldn’t be here. I didn’t want to say goodbye to anybody.”
“Idiot.” Jack punched my, hard enough to make me wobble, dangerously close to falling. “It’s not goodbye. It’s see you later. You’ll kill the Grey Queen, and you’ll make it out of there just fine. You can throw Devin to them as bait if you need to!” he added brightly.
It drew a laugh from me, though it was a broken sound. “I don’t hate Devin that much,” I said, shaking my head slightly. My laughter hitched, and I held my breath as it threatened to turn into tears. I was the leader. I was the strong one. I was not going to cry in front of Jack, who was trying so hard to cheer me up.
“I know. You poor sap, you actually kind of care about him, don’t you?” Jack asked, nudging me gently.
I frowned slightly. “Care? I don’t know. I’m not sure I’ve ever really known how to care about people. I trust him. Like I trust the rest of you. But I don’t have to look after him like I take care of you. I don’t have to feel responsible about whether he stays alive or not. He’s… easier? Because I’m not in charge of him. He’s in charge of himself.”
“But that’s not all, is it?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said sharply.
Jack snorted, punching me again. “Don’t try and pull that nonsense with me, old man. I’m not stupid. You were different before Devin showed up. I can remember that far back, thank you very much.”
I smiled at him, strained. “Really? And here I thought you were too drunk to even remember how to tie your shoes.”
“Tch. I don’t get drunk before I climb a building with only my suckers to rely on. I’m not suicidal, just extremely stupid,” Jack said with a grin.
I shook my head, and my laughter was more genuine, a little more stable. “You’re right. My bad.”
“Yeah. So stop trying to distract me. I know what Devin means to you.”
He was so direct about it that I couldn’t about his questions. “He… reminds me of how I’m supposed to be. How I could be if I wasn’t the Alpha Vital. I mean, sure, he’s kind of an asshole most of the time. And he doesn’t seem to really give a shit about anybody but me. But… he does care about me. More than he should. The way he treats me, is how I should treat everybody else.
“He’s the only thing I have that’s normal. I suppose, if I have to leave the city, I’m glad I get to take Devin with me,” I admitted, my voice so soft the wind could have snatched it out of my mouth.
Jack made a soft sound. “And how hard was that to admit?”
“Jack…” I sighed his name, my breath shuddering in as I clenched my hands into fists against my legs. “I want him to stay.”
Jack stiffened, eyes widening slightly. “You do?” his voice squeaked.
“Yes. I want him to stay. I don’t want him to come with me, where he could get hurt. Killed. I’d be afraid the whole time. That he would get hurt. He can’t come with.” My voice got higher, reaching a near hysterical pitch at the end.
Jack drew in a slow breath, wrapping an arm around me and leaning his head against my shoulder. “So what you’re really saying is, you do care about him?”
“Is that what it means, when you want someone to be safe?” My words were muffled as I turned my face to hide it against Jack’s hair.
He held me tighter. “Yes, it is. I don’t want either of you to leave.”
There was silence for a long moment before I spoke. “I’m glad the rest of you are staying here. Because I… I…” I let the tears choke off my voice. They slipped down my face, and I knew I was trembling in Jack’s arms.
Even though I was supposed to be the strong one, their anchor in the storm, I was so damn weak. I couldn’t stop the tears. They dripped into Jack’s hair, and he didn’t pull away; most of his arms stayed wrapped around me, but one came up to stroke the back of my head, a hand that was rough with suckers that pulled at my hair slightly.
“I know,” he said, his voice as rough as his hand.
It was all I needed. I fell apart in his arms, a sobbing mess, worse for the fact that he didn’t hate me for it. I understood, finally, that they were more important to me than they thought. And I’d realized that just in time to lose them all.
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