I have finally taken a sabbatical, got rid of my job responsibilities, and now I can finally devote myself to what I really want. It really brings me a relief! Now I'm spending all my time at home, working on the problem or, at least, speculating about it.

I've already developed all the promising approaches which I've learned from the papers, but they have lead me into the dead end. Nevertheless, I'm not desperate yet, because in the process I've come up with my own approach to solving the problem! Now I'm totally concentrating on it.

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The half of a year has passed. I'm alone, working on the solution of the millennium problem most of the time. But I'm not feeling loneliness as something bad now. Before I discovered a diagnosis, I had a bit of regret about not having family. But now I feel good that there is no one who will suffer because of me. Well, almost no one.

There is still one old friend who comes to visit me sometimes. I'm trying to avoid too long or detailed conversations with him, because I don't want him to know about my sorrows. Usually we just drink a cup of tea and talking about non meaningful stuff for a half of a hour. After that I convince him that I have a things to do, and he leaves. I see that he is worrying because of me, and I don't want him to. I hope that he will finally forget about me.

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The year have passed. But I haven't return to the institute anyway, because I still have money for simple living.

I'm feeling worse. My brain is working less efficiently.

I'm stagnating.

The only good thing is that the friend comes more and more rarely. I hope that this means that he is now cares less about me and will not suffer too much when I'll die.

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I've lost the feeling of the time. I'm checking and rechecking my inferences and calculations. Something is wrong, but I don't understand what exactly.

I don't remember the last time when my friend had came. How long ago it was? However, it doesn't matter anymore...

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Everything is the total failure. My idea of solution was wrong. And my brain is already in no condition to come up with the new one.

This is the end.

I'm glad that guns are legal in my country and I have always had a gun in the table. Thanks to it, I can do it quickly and painlessly.

I have got the gun out of the box, checked it out, turned off safety catch, put the gun to my head and shooted.