New Haven, Connecticut, June 2018

In her dream, Ellie Chen zoomed across the Indy 500 with her race car, Jafar, who was despised across the racetrack like it’s namesake villain. Her legs moved rapidly as she alternated between tapping the accelerator and break. At her feet, the car’s engine was powerful and responsive at her slightest touch. Ellie laughed as she won. The crowd roared and threw up their multi-colored banners . . . she wanted to race like this forever, rejoicing in victory again and again.

A screech of machine parts tore the last tendrils of sleep away. Years of racing around the track had trained her to jump out of her car to save herself from crashing. But instead of the strong jerk of her legs, she only felt the numbing realization, that her lower body yet again failed to respond. From the waist down, her body was a dead weight keeping her stuck where she was.

As she opened her eyes, the grim institutional feeling of the Cedar Sinai Research Institute greeted her. Her car had crashed at a preliminary race for the NASCAR race and so had Ellie, although her body had stubbornly insisted on staying alive when she did not. Her dratted good luck that had carried her though years of racing without serious injury had come to a screeching halt as it had flickered away in the end. A full-on collision where she hadn’t been wearing a seatbelt and died instantly would have been preferable. It would have suited her more than this true wait for death to bless her with his presence.

But Brother Death wasn’t too far away now. She bit her tongue and jumped with the discomfort as she knocked the nurse monitor away. It clambered onto the ground. The tight solo patient’s room was about the size of a closet, but at least it offered her the privacy that she wanted to not have her discomfort jeered at by the nurses.

She recognized the sound of tablet video game music and turned her head on the fluffed up pillows. She saw her brother and felt a rush of emotion. The brick himself, Nolan, had been here every single day since Ellie had been brought to the hospital here. He had arranged his Master’s classes so that he could spent as much time as possible with his baby sister as she lay on her deathbed. It was much harder for him than her. She felt no remorse, only acceptance--she was dying now peacefully with the man who had kept her grounded more than anyone. For Nolan there would be nothingness as she was the last family member he had to rely on.

As he lost the game he threw the tablet onto the chair next to him and glanced to see if his sister has stirred. He bent under the desk to pick up the monitor and return it to her grip. Nolan tucked in the pillows around her. “Are you feeling up to getting something down? Do you want some of the oatmeal I brought? I microwaved it myself.”

Ellie tried to laugh but she touched her stomach. Her appetite was so bad that a feeding tube had been inserted in her where she got some nutrients. The thought of putting the lukewarm oatmeal in her mouth that the nurses would complain about cleaning it up later, made her feel a loss of appetite. She shook her head as she looked at the receding sun’s rays, “I’m glad you’re trying, but not right now, visiting hours are almost over. I don’t want you to get kicked out by security again.”

Nolan shrugged off her concern. He was dressed in a casual zip up college fleece jacket and jeans. She wondered if he would even continue on with his degree after she died as the little money they had was being eaten up by her hospital bills. He had left his girlfriend to take care of her. She remembered when he was younger he wanted to have a pro gaming career before he had failed his first round of auditions. She remembered sitting there and watching him play games with such excitement and dedication.

Ellie’s voice grew stronger, “Go back to your apartment, Nolan. I don’t want you to get mugged and end up in a bed next to me or worse.”

Nolan gave her a look, “I’m a man. It’s not the same thing. But I do have to finish a paper before midnight tonight so I’ll head out on my way.”