Ramsey could feel sun on her face, filtering in through the sheer curtains over her bedroom window. It was definitely mid-afternoon, but the fleeting guilt for wasting an entire day did not outweigh her desire to continue to forget the world within the safety of her bed.
As usual, her thoughts drifted towards the events of the past six months, of the last time she saw her ex before he walked out her door without so much as a backwards glance.
What did he want from her? Why didn’t he tell her sooner? Why did he propose to someone he didn’t love?
Sighing, she rolled over to face the wall and pulled the blankets closer to her damp face. Another weekend lost to her own pity party. What a shame.
--
It had been months since Ramsey was deserted before she even made it to the altar, but he was still the first thing she thought about when she woke up, the last thing she considered before falling asleep. It was frustrating. She didn’t want to be with him. How could you want to be with someone who doesn’t love you? Why was she still dwelling?
She knew why, she always did this, with any failures.
Her parents were long dead, but the brief memories she couldn’t forget were of constant pressure to be better, win, do whatever it takes, to fix broken things. Ramsey was hospitalized at seven years old after having a nervous breakdown at a soccer match. Her parents never came to see her in the ward. They died just two years later. She supposed that meant they never got the chance to fix their biggest problem—her.
She was exhausted.
--
Ramsey stared into her mirror. Her honey-brown eyes had sunk so far in her skull that no amount of concealer made her look awake. Her skin was breaking out, and her once bright blonde hair had grown dull and lifeless. She checked the time. She had three minutes to get out the door. She ran cold water over her wrists, took a few deep breaths, and stepped outside.
As she walked to her office, Ramsey wondered how she even managed to keep her job; she couldn’t recall completing a single project in the past six months. It was thanks to Milos. He always had her back, picked up the balls she dropped. She didn’t deserve that from him. But he gave it all the same. It would be admirable, if she wasn’t certain there was an ulterior motive.
Ramsey’s office was unremarkable, if you could even really call it an office. It had room for only a desk and a chair. There were no windows, only dull, yellow lights. She didn’t mind. She liked the confinement, and having a door between her and everyone else made her breathe a little easier.
After a morning spent buried in spreadsheets, her phone surprised her with a text near lunchtime.
Deon: Hello gorgeous. Hope work doesn’t suck as much as usual.
D: Will I see you tonight? You hid from me all weekend :(
Deon refused to enable Ramsey’s self-pity, and she was secretly glad for it. Though, she would never tell him that to his face. She couldn’t fathom how he could possibly stand being around her anymore, but he was the closest thing to family she had, and she was eternally grateful he didn’t leave her, too.
R: IDK. Depends on how tired I am later.
D: Sounds good, see you around 6!
She gave a weak smile, and turned back to her computer screen.
Less than ten minutes later, she was interrupted again as Milos gently knocked on her door, cracking it open slightly.
Milos and Ramsey had worked together for three years, and from the very beginning, they hit it off. Before her failed engagement, she considered Milos a close and trusted friend, even if Deon and her ex never really warmed up to him. Since her break up, however, she felt uneasy around Milos. She couldn’t quite put her finger on why. He was never inappropriate with her, but he had an energy about him that left her nervous and suffocated.
About a month ago, Milos had been pushing her to stop isolating herself and spend some time with him. She did, and in a moment of weakness, they ended up in bed together for the first and only time. It wasn’t forced. She was looking for comfort and Milos was offering, but his behavior had only worsened since then. The last thing Ramsey wanted was another relationship. Afterwards, they never spoke of it.
“How’s it going?”
“Just the usual.”
“Right, right…” Milos drifted off, glancing around the tiny office, uncomfortably folded over Ramsey’s desk. His height didn’t lend itself to small spaces.
“Did you need something?” She had yet to look up from her screen.
“No, not really. Just wanted to check on you since I didn’t hear from you all weekend.”
Ramsey felt the bite in his words.
“Right, that…” She stared at her keyboard. “I was actually just working, got caught up in stuff, you know how it is.”
Milos didn’t respond for a few seconds. She could hear his breathing quicken, and, oddly, felt the room get warmer.
“I really don’t.”
They made eye contact.
“I’m telling you. I was working. Didn’t really make time for anyone. Don’t worry so much.”
Milos sighed, leaning away from Ramsey’s personal space, running a hand through his hair as his elbow nudged the highest hanging lightbulb. She wasn’t sure if he was sad or angry. Probably both. She also noticed, for the first time since he had entered her office, that one of his hands was bandaged. Had he gotten into another fight? In any case, she was certain the other guy was worse off. Milos’s temper was never aimed at her, but she’d seen it plenty of times. He could be a bit of a hot head, even if he meant well.
“Well I do worry, Rams. What am I supposed to think when you just go off the grid? I almost dropped by your place again. At least throw me a bone here.”
Ramsey closed her laptop and met his grey eyes. As long as she stayed firm, he’d probably back off.
“Well, I’m here today so you don’t need to worry. I don’t need to check in with you, Milos. Thank you for the concern, but it’s unnecessary.”
It was for the briefest of moments, but Milos’ face contorted into something vicious, and his eyes seem to glow...orange? Red? Ramsey was startled. He had made her nervous before, maybe even unsettled, but she couldn’t remember ever being in actual fear of Milos. She subconsciously curled into herself a bit. Maybe firm was the wrong approach. Maybe she was imagining things. It was awfully hot in here.
“But that’s what friends do! We check in with each other, we spend time together, why is that so hard for you? I thought we had finally moved past this…”
He trailed off, not meeting her eyes. And uncomfortably long silence stretched between them. She couldn’t find any words, and, quite frankly, was scared to make eye contact again. Was she sweating? When did it get so hot in here?
“Never mind, I’ll go. Sorry for bothering you.”
He turned to leave. Her temperature returning to normal, Ramsey felt an urgent need to get out of her stifling office. And away from Milos.
“Wait.”
Surprised, Milos turned around quickly, knocking over a couple boxes haphazardly stacked on the floor. He stumbled and grabbed them, reordering the lopsided stack and softening his gaze towards Ramsey. There was no trace of the fear she had felt before. The room cooled down quickly, wrapping her in an icy breeze. She decided it was time to end this ridiculous back and forth. Milos was her friend. There was no reason for them to do this awkward dance around each other.
“Why don’t we go grab some coffee? Talk?”
She needed this to be over. It was Milos, he just needed some attention. She could solve this.
But a cramped office was no place for this conversation.
“Sure, yeah. That’d be great.”
That grin - if looks could kill, she’d be dead on her feet. Why Milos chose her of all people to be object of his affection, she’d never know. But it was comforting to meet his calm face and his soft, grey eyes. All traces of his previous anger were gone, and Ramsey had already convinced herself that the heat and stress had caused her to imagine things.
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