“Why do you like me, Milos?”
They’d been sitting with their coffee in the small cafe by a window for a minute or so, not saying anything. Milos was startled by the question, it showed in his face. But he quickly recovered, straightening his long torso and meeting her gaze directly. He may be rash, but he could muster up poise quicker than anyone Ramsey had ever seen. That’s what made him good at his job.
“Oh come on, Rams. You know this. I’ve told you before. There’s something genuine about you. You’re honest, you’re funny, and you’re, well, obviously beautiful. But you just have this….aura about you. I’m drawn to it.”
The words themselves were sweet, but the desperation behind his voice made her squirm. Despite her discomfort, she gave him a small grin.
“That’s sweet of you, really. I just—”
“Ramsey it’s been months. You’re not doing anything wrong. We didn’t do anything wrong.”
Her mouth hung open while she stared, cut off mid-sentence.
“Are you hearing me?”
She hadn’t realized she’d been holding her breath.
“I just, I still need time to myself. You’re a great friend, better than I deserve, but I can’t pretend to be something I’m not right now.”
“Pretend?”
She took a deep breath and steeled herself. She was going to have to be more specific. “I just can’t be the girl you want me to be right now, and I’m sorry for that.”
Milos considered this for a moment.
“I don’t want you to be anything but you, Rams.” The sincerity in his eyes was real. She felt affection pouring out of him, like a fast flowing stream.
She looked at him, really looked at him, and considered his feelings. Did she love Milos? No, she didn’t think so. She wasn’t even sure if she loved her ex-fiancé, so how could she judge her feelings now? Milos was kind and strong, but also fiery and overwhelming. Even if she could bring herself to begin dating again, it wouldn’t be with him. His temper was enough to keep him at arm’s length. In a way, he almost felt dangerous. And what would happen if she did become afraid of him?
“Thank you. But I really just want us to be friends. Is that okay?”
Milos tightened his grip around his cup. She again noticed his bandaged hand, now with traces of drying blood seeping through in some areas. What had happened? With his current stress, she didn’t dare to ask.
“Of course it’s okay. I’ll always be here for you.”
He reached across the small table, laying his uninjured hand over hers. It was uncomfortably warm.
--
Unremarkable day turned into unremarkable evening as Ramsey passed the time between work and staring at the beige walls. While she was packing up, Milos popped back in again and asked her to dinner. She declined, not telling him she had plans to meet up with Deon. Ramsey felt she would need to put some space between her and Milos if they were going to recover from the conversation they had today.
The bar was dark, even for evening in the fall, but she didn’t mind. She liked the anonymity that came with being in an inky room. She felt comfortable in a space where she wasn’t on display.
Then she heard her name being shouted across the room, in a sing-song voice she knew all too well.
Blending into the background lasted a whole ten seconds around someone like Deon, but Ramsey couldn’t deny how much she loved him anyways.
He leapt over the bar to greet her, his dark brown curls falling over his face. Deon had the same expression of glee he always had, even as a child. For her, he was all she had for a long time. And now, she needed him again.
“Hey. Sorry for being MIA all weekend.”
“It’s okay, you’re here now! Mondays are always dead so you can entertain me at the bar until my shift is over!”
“I’ll entertain you until 8PM, how’s that?”
“I’ll take what I can get.” He said with a flourish, hopping behind the bar while Ramsey pulled up a stool.
Deon promised Ramsey that his new creation would taste exactly like peaches while taking the edge off. As far as Ramsey could tell, it was going to be just as strong and usual and taste more like rubbing alcohol.
Well, it smelled like peaches, at least. She slowly sipped her drink while he groaned on about his frustrating weekend.
“And then he just never texts me back! Can you believe that? I mean it’s one thing to cancel plans or never make them in the first place, but who ghosts anymore? What is this, 2016?”
She laughed into her drink. “People ignore people all the time, D. But I’m sorry you had to deal with that.”
“It’s fine, he’s just a bump in the road, you know?” She did know.
“Anyways, what about you? Besides not showering and only eating vanilla wafers for two days, did you have anything exciting happen this weekend?”
“You know me so well, truly.”
“Oh come on, tell me. What about Milos? Did he come by?”
Ramsey felt her face fall before she could stop it. Deon started to tell her he would handle Milos’s behavior, but she interrupted him, explaining that they had talked it out earlier in the day.
Deon stopped washing glasses behind the bar, raising one eyebrow, eager for details.
“It’s not that interesting. He was bothering me about not answering his texts all weekend, we went for coffee and I basically told him I just wanted to be friends.”
“Wow.” Deon leaned back. “So you finally told him you’re not into him?”
“I guess so.” Ramsey absently stirred her drink. She never even told Deon she wasn’t into Milos, he just seemed to read her mind most of the time.
“And you’re not into him, right?”
“Of course not!” she raised her voice.
“Uh huh.” Deon grinned at her, and went back to washing glasses. “Why don’t we find you a new man, then?”
She looked up to see him making a show of scouring the bar. “Cut it out!”
He laughed, and she returned it heartily.
“I’m just saying, you could put yourself out there more. It’s been awhile. I’m always here to wingman for you.”
Ramsey smiled softly at Deon, assuring him she was plenty fine with being single for now.
They continued to tease each other as other patrons arrived and Deon worked the happy hour crowd. Ramsey got another peach disaster, her taste buds beyond the point of caring after the first.
“Wait until you see the bombshell eyeing you across the room.” Deon said, appearing in front of Ramsey while she had been idly tapping away on her phone.
Before she looked in the direction he was nodding, she felt eyes on her. Perhaps she had known it for awhile but had learned to ignore the feeling in crowded places. In any case, it was unmistakably the feeling of being leered at. It didn't feel malicious, but she no longer trusted her instincts, especially when it came to men.
“He’s cute, trust me.”
She sighed and finally glanced over her shoulder, meeting ice-blue eyes glowing in the dark room. At the same time, she felt a shock of cold static hit her heart.
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