Exhausted, Riley went to bed that night as soon as Gabe was comfortable letting go of her. But when he started dreaming and she saw Pash’s tortured body as he had seen it, she screamed. And her scream woke Gabe again. They were back out of their bedrooms and in each other’s arms in seconds, whispering reassurances and comforting one another for the horrors they’d just witnessed together.
After that, their roommates insisted that they stay with one another on the couch. Riley tried to sleep, but she couldn’t manage it — or lunch — after what she had seen in Gabe’s thoughts. Gabe and Xander slept, though, and since Riley made sure that their sleep was nightmare-free, both of them got the rest that they desperately needed.
At dinnertime, while Gabe was still fast asleep in her arms, Xander came to Riley and gently disentangled her.
With his finger on his lips, he led her quietly outside. They walked toward the chief’s house. Once they were halfway down the drive, he whispered, “It’s time for you to call Will.”
Riley’s exhaustion immediately gave way to a disturbing combination of exhilaration and fear.
When they were inside the Colonel’s office with the door locked, Xander passed Riley his phone. It was already ringing.
“Hello?”
That voice. Riley trembled. “It’s me, Will.”
“Riley!” he gasped. “Are you all right?”
She should not be feeling this much happiness. She should not be fighting a desire to caress the phone. “Considering the circumstances, yes.”
“Whose number is this? Can I reach you here from now on?”
“No. This is Xander’s phone. He can get messages to me, but we’re not usually together.”
Will took deep breath, then said, “I love you. I love you a thousand times more than I’ve ever been able to say. I have so many things I want to tell you… things I’ve always wanted to say but wasn’t allowed to.”
“I already know, I think,” Riley admitted.
“What do you mean? Did Jack tell you how I feel?”
Riley glanced up at Xander, who nodded at her. “I can see people’s dreams, Will. See them, hear them, feel them, and change them. That is my power. I left home when I saw your dreams. I saw how much you love me. I felt it. But then I saw your memories of Clarinda being tortured, and… I had to leave.” She thought of his tattoos, and her happiness at speaking to him was drowned out by pain.
Will didn’t speak.
I have to tell him what I know. “Will, they told me what the symbols on your arm mean.”
He gasped.
There was no sound for a moment, and then she heard him sobbing. “I’m sorry! So fucking sorry, Riley!”
The deep well of anger for all the women he'd wronged spilled over. “You don’t owe me an apology! I’m not the one that you—”
“The hell I don’t!” he roared. “I hate myself for every damn one of these tattoos! They’re an insult to you, and an insult to all the faith you ever put in me! I never wanted you to know what kind of man I really am. I knew if you hated me even half as much as I do, you’d never speak to me again.” Will choked on the words. “I can’t begin to describe… I’ve spent the last six years in constant fear of this moment! They made me do so many things that I—”
“Who made you? Jack?”
“No. Not Jack.”
—He means your father, and his elders—
She sucked in a sharp, painful breath. “That man is dead. He’s been dead for five years. Your actions can’t be all his fault.”
Silence.
“And if you don’t agree with what the Terrapin elders are ordering you to do, why stay?”
“I have no choice.” His voice wavered; he sounded hopeless.
“Oh yes, you do. I’m giving you one right now. Join us. Become a Greenwood.”
Xander nodded at her approvingly.
“Riley, I’d do almost anything to be close to you. If you saw my dreams you know I would. And I’ve thought about leaving Terrapin a thousand times. But if I jump ship, they will kill my mother.”
She gasped. “They’d kill Tess? Isn’t she one of them?”
“Doesn’t matter. Desertion is the worst crime a Terrapin can commit. They’d use whatever leverage they had. For me, that’s Mom. Mom and you… that’s what they’ve held over me,” he said bitterly. “Every man in Terrapin is trained in torture, Riley. Either we do it to others, or they do it to us and to the people we love.”
Did he and Jack torture and kill people TO PROTECT ME?
“Jack and I had to make some hard choices,” he continued. “When your father died, Jack was ordered to get rid of you and Reed because you were Veiled, so that the resources used to support you could be used elsewhere instead. He loved you too much to do it. He went through all kinds of hell to keep you two, way more than you were ever aware of. And you may not believe this now that you know what I’ve done, but since the day I accepted you my entire life has been about loving you, and keeping you alive, and protecting you from all of this. And I want you to know that I wouldn’t change a thing. Even if you never love me again. Even if I never see you again.”
—You are everything to him—
Riley began trembling. “I believe you, Will. And I love you too, you know I do. I get why you can’t leave. But I can’t come to you, either. I can’t be a part of what you’re doing. It’s wrong.”
“I know that. I do. This is not what I would have chosen. It’s where I happened to land. And I’ve never wanted this life for you either, although I’m selfish enough that I wanted you with me even though this is who I am.”
“I’ll never believe that. Never. It’s not who you are.”
“Thank you for saying that.” Will sniffed, then he sighed. “Look, Jack would argue with me, but after hearing everything that Reed told us, I want you to stay put. No other clan has a shield like Greenwood’s. And as long as Tsali is hunting you, I can protect you best from out here, so this is where I’ll be. But Riley, you have to stay in touch with me. Please. Being away from you makes me literally insane. I spent three years of my life sleeping at your feet because I wasn’t allowed to get close to you in any other way!”
“What? Sleeping at my feet? You’ve never—”
“Yes I did, baby,” he said softly. “I’m Ghost.”
Riley sat silently for a second, and then she laughed and cried at the same time. The big stray dog she’d taken in wasn’t a dog at all.
“I heard you crying one day over something I’d done,” Will explained. “And it was tearing me apart. I wanted to apologize, and tell you I love you, and I couldn’t. My feelings got the better of me. I turned into my wolf and went and sat beside you. And you wanted me to stay! When you asked Jack to keep me as a pet, I talked him into it.”
No wonder I loved that dog so much!
“I wasn’t able to move to Ohio when the rest of you did because of clan stuff. And once I was able to move, Jack and I couldn’t figure out a way for me to keep pretending to be a stray dog in the suburbs. It killed me to give that up... that contact with you. Things have never been right between us. It has always been a struggle. But at least I could see you then. Now you’re gone, Riley, and worse, you’re…” he trailed off, sounding as heartbroken as she felt.
He means Gabe.
“Xander and I will let you know that I’m okay every so often,” she said gently. “I promise. But I cannot carry a phone right now. It’s not in anyone’s best interest for me to have private conversations with fire clan members. Especially mine.”
“Is Xander there now?”
“Yes.”
“Please let me speak to him.”
Riley passed Xander his phone.
“Hello, Will,” Xander greeted him.
She couldn’t hear what Will was saying, but Xander’s expression softened a great deal as he listened. “She isn’t. I want to reiterate her offer, Will. You can join this clan at any time.” Will responded, and Xander replied, “I do understand. If circumstances ever change, please contact me. And if you hear anything that could help us protect her better here, let me know.” Will said something else, then Xander passed the phone back to Riley.
“I have to go now,” Will told her. “But I’m so glad you called! Please take care of yourself.”
“I promise.” The tears returned. “I miss you, Will!”
“Bye, baby. Don’t ever forget… I love you.”
Before she could respond again, the line went dead.
Riley sank to her knees, and wept.
Xander put his phone aside and scooped her up into his arms.
She curled herself against his chest, and he exhaled and rested his chin on the top of her head. “I feel sorry for him, Riles. He’s in a permanent Catch-22, like Ivan is. He could never get close to you, but he couldn’t move on either because he’s a lifer. And on top of that, his clan knew he’d accepted you and they tormented him for it.”
“What do you mean?” she asked with a sniff.
“The symbols on his arm… all those women? And him a mated wolf? None of that was voluntary, Riles. He might have chosen to commit the other crimes, but it’s impossible for him to have freely chosen to sleep with anyone but you. I mean, it’s physically impossible. He was forced as much as those women were.”
Riley squeezed her eyes shut tighter. Will is both a much better man, and a much worse man, than I ever dreamed.
“It’s frightening,” Xander continued. “If their hold on Will is so strong that they could order him to be unfaithful to you, that means there are no limits to what he’d do if they ordered him to.”
“I need to go,” Riley stood up and pulled away from him. “I should… eat or sleep or something.”
Xander was immediately contrite. “Riley, I didn’t mean to—”
“I know.” She took his hand and squeezed it.
She caught sight of Gabe as soon as she stepped outside the chief’s house. When he spotted Riley, he ran for her. She threw herself into his arms with a strangled cry and held on tight.
What now? I’m in love with two men, and I can’t afford to lose either one of them!
“Are you okay?” he whispered.
Riley forced herself to nod.
Gabe pulled away from her. He took in her expression slowly; his own was both serious and sad. “You talked to Will this time, didn’t you?”
She looked down, glowing much brighter. “Yes.”
He lifted her chin, and Riley looked into his eyes again. “I love you.” Gabe’s voice was shaking. “No matter what. I don’t care about your past. What I want is your future.”
IS Will my past? But she nodded. “I love you, too.”
The breakfast bell rang, and they climbed the hill together with all their friends around them.
But Riley felt strangely alone. She nibbled her bottom lip, relief and alarm warring within her. She took a deep, unsteady breath.
I don’t know what I want anymore.
Comments (4)
See all