Yes. I wasn’t supposed to be here. But why am I here? It was the sound of those unfamiliar voices that woke me up. “CJ, CJ! Wake up, yo!” That was what I heard. Somehow, deep inside, I can already feel that something is wrong. Like I am not who I am supposed to be and that I’m not where I should be. But I never thought that things could escalate so quickly that even a calm and collected person as I am would even panic and wrapped in wrath at all of these uncertainties and confusion.

So I got pretty aggressive, of course. I attacked them, jumped them, and almost choke one of them to death before most of them pulled me off of him. I remember asking them in between my confusion something like… “Who the fuck are you?! What is this place?!”

“I’m your cell-mate, man,” was what one of them answered. He seemed like he was in shock of my reaction. Like I never acted that way before. But I was so sure that that wasn’t real. That they are all actors. They were just there to confuse me. Right? These were all just tests, right? But tests of what exactly? Who the fuck would make a sick joke like this?

These are all lies, right?

“What? Where’s Yuri? What is this?” I remember asking them the questions while my head was throbbing in pain. Like a kind of migraine that I never experienced before. Something is wrong. Was I hit in the head? Had I lost my mind? The surroundings didn’t help. Yes, it is a prison. But it is most definitely not South Vulgar Prison. It’s a common prison.

They asked me who Yuri was as if they had never heard of him before. I got even more aggressive as I realize that Yuri wasn’t around. I was worried sick and I couldn’t give in to any logic or reasoning for my being there. I was angry. I was anxious. So… I pushed everyone and walked around like a mad man looking for Yuri. That’s when I was stopped by the guards. The normal prison guards. Not South Vulgar Prison’s guards. They, of course, in attempt to calm me the fuck down, electrocute me with a taser. I blacked out.

When I woke up, all I saw was darkness before my eyes adjusted to the small perk of light coming from underneath the door’s crack. I guessed then that I was sent to solitary confinement. This is where I am right now. Just before, a meal was pushed through the opening down the door. The person who delivered the food spoke to me in an unfamiliar voice but the way he spoke to me, It was as if I am someone very familiar to him. I don’t know whether he is a guard or a fellow inmate. “CJ, if you’re awake, come to your senses or you’ll be sent to Cell F, where all the loonies are,” he said. “I mean, you’re about to finish your sentence soon, man. Stop acting crazy. You’re only here for petty theft not murder,” he continued. He paused before he said his last words. “Hang in there, man,” he said and pat the door a bit as if he was patting my back. He then walked away.

I didn’t say anything. And even now, I’m only looking down at the food who had been there for a while. I’m not hungry though I am very exhausted. I’m just physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I rub my head a bit, feeling slightly dizzy. My body aches all over.

“What the fuck? What the fuck?” I kept repeating. I seriously feel like I’m going crazy. Loonies, huh? What the person said on the other side of the door just now made me think of Cell F. Maybe that’s where Yuri could be. If so, I need to get there. “Yuri…” I called out the name softly. And I almost heard a voice calling back my name. I feel like giving up. Or maybe if I just fall asleep again, I’ll wake up to where Yuri is. That’s all that I wanted right now. I am still confused and frustrated. I try hard to find an explanation but there’s none. It just felt too real. Maybe I am going mad. Maybe everything never existed in the first place.

But… I can still feel the aftertaste of Yuri’s lips, I can still remember the soft pale skin underneath me, I can distinguish the deep blue color of Yuri’s eyes. I remember his smell. So, no. That can’t be a lie. Never. Those are not lies. I must never believe them to be lies. Yuri is my only truth and I’ll keep fighting for my truth.