“I’ve always wonder why people cry when they lost someone dear to them.

I guess there are things in life that will remain a mystery until the end.”

-Yuri Vadislav

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It is not always pretty. The world, people, and even life itself. They are not always pretty. Seasons changed. People grow old and wither away. Good people turn bad. Bad people turn good. A new life is born. And a life is taken. It is not always pretty. Sometimes, it is never at all that pretty. To CJ, at least, that was how it was like. Nothing’s beautiful. Until he met Yuri, a transfer student from Russia. In a country like this, both of them are distinct from the others. Obvious to people’s lingering eyes. They are different. Of race, of color, of language, of culture. Difference. That’s just a start. Difference is a beginning to their ever-lasting pain. Difference was also the end to everything.

Hands interlocked, they both lean against one side of the wired fence surrounding the roof top of the school building. Down below, there are voices of girls and boys hurriedly leaving the school compound in language foreign to them at first but with each torturing days, had grown more familiar to their ears.「どこか？だれ？どれ？あいつ。彼。君。僕。僕ら。あいつら。如何とも同じだ。」The words that they had spoken were ringing in their ears. These are the few last words that they’ll ever have to hear.

“お人達は、何も分からないだね？” Yuri stated in that very foreign language where they both had grown accustomed to. It sounds like a question. But it is understandable to CJ as more of a statement than a question. Something of which they both had come to understand.

Watching those pink petals scatter in the winds, CJ smiles, gripping the small hand he held in his tighter. “なね。。。惜しむべきな。。。” CJ commented, agreeing with Yuri on the matter.

Only last night, they both had lain in each other’s arms, naked on a thin futon, ignoring the world on the outside. The city that never sleeps. The people that never rest. The lights that will always shine. Even after when they’ll be long gone, the city, the people, and the lights will remain where they were. Nothing affected. Nothing changed. All except the flowers. Next year, new ones will bloom. A new beginning. Before the petals started to fall again. Blown by the wind and fade into the darkness. Withering away slowly, silently, mysteriously.

CJ had penetrated deep into Yuri. They had both drown in the thick cream liquid produced by both of their bodies. They had become one. They had connected. They wanted to remain connected for eternity. In a world like this, there’s no such chance. People are vicious. Humanity is at stake. There’s no acceptance. There’s no forgiveness. The world is cruel.

Sealed with a final kiss, a promise was made and kept. They climb the rail that had divided them with the rest of the world. Those who are different. They will not be accepted, forgiven, and loved in this world. No. Not in this world. So they both had decided to escape this world. They will both fly to a better world. Temporary pain. Temporary fear. Like the petals from the once beautiful blooming flower, they will scatter in the winds. But with colors of crimson red instead. It is regrettable that this world, the people, and everything in between, they do not understand a thing. They are not aware of the beauty. The beauty of this jinjyuu; a lovers’ double suicide.

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“In the end, it was all for nothing.

In the end, we only lose ourselves.”

-Carly James Michaelson