BENTA SCHOLARSHIP™ SEMESTER 1 REQUIREMENTS

A student on the BENTA SCHOLARSHIP™ must complete the following:

Pass all classes with at least 80% grades

Intermediate Control over Cani power within the semester

-Ability to conjure power at will

-Ability to hold power in

-Expertise at using bloodsaber

Experience the Proper First Semester Cani Events

-A “Jump Fifteen” experience

-Crystal Level Rare event

-Fulfill all requirements of the "Three Days" during club signup month

Defeat of Void Beasts (tracked via power blocker)

-150 lower level light void beasts defeated (area 1)

-50 lower level medium void beasts defeated (areas 1-3)

-5 lower level boss void beasts defeated (Team defeat applicable)

-1 ultra level void boss defeated (Solo defeat only)

Extracurricular

One (1) club or after school job completed for three hours per week

“Oh,” I said. “I don’t know.”

That all seemed like a lot. But there was a line at the bottom that was worse.

Failure to complete BENTA SCHOLARSHIP™ requirements within the semester will result in student being transferred to an alternative school, namely Wildfire Hearts Cani Academy.

The paper shook in my hands even when I tried to calm down.

“I mean, this list is pretty long,” I said, babbling out loud because I couldn’t think about Jeans’ school here. “That level of control over my powers? That many void beasts to beat? And I’m not entirely sure what a void beast is.”

Like the vagueness of the sex-ed books I had shoved under my bedroom door by Stella when puberty reared its ugly head, the Cani books describing the void and the monsters in it were vague on the details that mattered. But their vagueness at least gave me a talking point to not think about Jeans, who was looming so strongly in my mind that I thought I was about to cry. And I couldn’t even bite my lip to stop it.

Jeans was going to Wildfire Hearts. If I failed, and I would, I would go to Wildfire Hearts. And be at the same school as Jeans. Stella cut Diast off before she could answer.

“We don’t have to decide this now, right?” Stella asked, trying to take the pressure off me as I felt imminent meltdown approaching.

“How about this,” Diast said. “I’ll give you a week to decide, that’s the usual timeframe. Call back with what you decide. A Cani school would be ideal, but ending up at Staverius wouldn’t be the worst thing.”

I’d take a trillion Staveriuses over a single Wildfire Hearts.

Jeans’ voice snapped into my head. “It’d mean everything if you went to Wildfire Hearts, too.” I took that memory of her voice and I crunched it into a stupid ball and chucked that thing across my whatever space in my brain and gulped down the about to cry feelings.

“So what would Staverius be like for a Cani now?” I asked, glad my voice didn’t give way because once you have the cry voice in front of someone the tears are coming no matter how many gulps and lip bites you try. “You said it was different.”

“It’s not a Cani school, and the Cani budget got slashed a few years back,” Diast said. “It’s doable, but it’s not built for us anymore. There’s a lot of safety nets that aren’t there anymore for Cani.”

“Hm.” I said. Having to fight void monsters didn’t seem like much of a safety net. Diast gave me a look that immediately struck me. For someone who was a little goofy, she looked completely serious.

“I really think you can do this, Zeta.” Diast said. “I think you’d be a great fit at Rising Shards.”

“If you go, it’s gotta be on that scholarship,” Stella said. “I don’t see any way I can afford it otherwise…”

I sighed. This was too much pressure for me. I just wanted to hide from any big life altering decisions like this. I’d go to Rising Shards, but the risk of failure was extraordinary. And far too directly tied to my particularly traumatic summer.

“It’s your call, though,” Stella said. “Uniform’s a lot better than Staverius’ too.”

“Really?!” I said, getting way too amped when I saw the uniform on the pamphlet Stella held up. “No prison suits?”

“I’m not kidding when I say like. 95% of the kids who were going to Staverius I’ve met with say something about their terrible uniforms.” Diast said. “But I’m sticking with a week. Call me back then, but also call back if you have any weird sudden symptoms. You’ve taken your first steps on your Cani journey, and those second steps can be rocky.”

I followed Stella out and felt drained on the way home. After helping Stella clean up all the blood I bled in my room, I moped in our living room in front of the TV while Stella went to bed. I kept running my tongue over the new teeth. Well, not really new, but they felt new. They hurt less than they had when they fully came in, but more than they did the last few weeks. I had to wait a week for the mouthguard to be ready and I wasn’t looking forward to more lip biting. Also, the wristband was kinda itchy.

I wanted to go to Rising Shards, but the scholarship qualifier…I couldn’t do all that in one semester. There was no way. Nobody probably could do that and that’s how whoever was funding the scholarship got their money, they got all their like students in the system, but they all fail right away so the funders don’t have to lose any money.

And when I failed, I’d go to Wildfire Hearts. And the particularly traumatic summer would turn into an even worse traumatic fall. 

“I can’t be alone again.” Her voice. It hurt really bad that time, worse than my fangs hurt. I buried my face in my hands for a bit until things were slightly more bearable. I looked at the coffee table and poked through the pile of paperwork on it. Just under the paperclip was the card Dr. Diast gave that had her contact info.

Stella was asleep already, but I didn’t want her to hear this. I made sure I had my key and went to a small outdoor area on my floor. I picked a good time because there was nobody else there, just a lot of empty chairs and an incredible view of the nightlife of the city past the railing.

I paced back and forth for like fifteen minutes because I’ve never been good at making phone calls. I could have waited until the next day, but I was nearing another imminent crisis and I didn’t really have anyone else I felt safe turning to about this. Which was weird because I just met Dr. Diast, but maybe that was why. Stella knew enough of the Jeans situation, not everything, but Diast was a clean slate. I shakily dialed the buttons, deleted them, put my phone in sleep, put it back on, dialed again, went through that loop one more time, then shut my eyes and slammed the call button. By dial tone two I was ready to hang up, but the call got picked up before dial tone three.

“Hello, Dr. Diast speaking?” Diast said, not sounding at all tired.

“H-hi…” I said, my mouth drying up. “Dr…Diast.”

“Hello? I can’t quite make you out…”

“It’s. This is Zeta. From today. Zeta Faleur.”

“Oh, Zeta!” Diast said.

My voice finally un-dried. I was really doing this phone call and couldn’t turn back now. “Is this like after hours? Is this weird? I don’t talk on the phone to anyone so—”

“No, you’re totally fine, I’m working on paperwork late tonight anyways. The bit before school starts is my busiest time of year because it’s the overlap of doctor and teacher stuff and blah blah. Everything OK with you?”

“I uh…” I said. “Well I’m fine but, the fangs are a bit sore…but that’s not…why I…can I start this over? That was bad.”

“It’s OK,” Diast said. “Take your time.”

I nodded, then remembered what a phone call was. “Yes, so, I was thinking about Rising Shards,” I said. “Like, I really would rather go to a school that actually can help me with this Cani stuff. And I really want to go…but…the Wildfire Hearts thing if I fail.”

“Keep in mind that’s just if you like completely and catastrophically bomb the semester,” Diast said.

“So it’s totally possible…” I said. I wasn’t like an ace student. I very well could completely and catastrophically bomb everything. “I can’t go to Wildfire Hearts.”

“Now, I don’t want to pry, but is this a like ‘I hate their uniform and don’t want to go to Wildfire Hearts,’ thing or is this a ‘Genuine legitimately cannot do Wildfire Hearts for personal reasons I don’t need to disclose’ thing?”

“The, uh, second one.” Diast didn’t respond for a beat too long, and I suddenly blurted it out. “There’s someone I can’t see again, and she goes to Wildfire Hearts…and I can’t…”

I couldn’t hide the guilt in my voice as I trailed off. I knew Diast could hear it too. I thought she was going to yell at me or rescind the school offer.

“You don’t have to say any more than that.” Diast said.

Part of me was just like “Actually DO say it, say everything about Jeans. Tell someone.” But I couldn’t. What Dr. Diast said next surprised me.

“It’s OK to let people go to give yourself a future.”

I pulled the phone away from my face in preparation for any crying sounds because tears were already streaming.

“Yeah.” I said with the phone back, managing to not sound super crying-y.

“If you do go to Rising Shards, I’ll do everything I can to make sure you don’t have to even think about Wildfire Hearts.” Diast said. “You have my word.”

I croaked out a “Thank you.”

“Are you OK?” Diast asked.

I nodded again. “Y-yeah.”

“I don’t need an answer tonight,” Diast said. “And if you need more than a week to decide, that’s cool too. I was just playing hardball because I do think you’d be a fantastic addition to Rising Shards. Now I do have a mountain of paperwork to get to, so I will leave you at that for tonight.”

I told Diast goodnight and went to bed feeling a bit floaty. I had a big cry that night, but it was a cathartic one.

The next morning, I marched right up to Stella as she made breakfast.

“I want to go to Rising Shards,” I said.

Stella was surprised at my assuredness, but didn’t tell me no. She did say she wasn’t touching another sheet of paper she’d have to fill out that week, so we’d have to wait to get things really official. But I could wait. Because I was going to Rising Shards. And I was going to do whatever it took to finish that Benta Scholarship. I wasn’t going to blow this chance to finally move forward.