"Oh, I’m just super excited to get to know my new neighbor is all."

I consider myself something of a psychologist, the same way someone who sat in the emergency exit row of a plane one time would consider themself something of a paramedic. And from my life in Plainwood, I’m reminded of a psychological term whose name I don’t recall off-hand but probably ends in “effect.” In any case, the concept is people are constantly overestimating how many people are judging them and talking about them behind their back. Everyone shows it, from the most confident of celebrities to the weakest of morsels and every average blandie in between. Imagine getting off an elevator on the wrong floor, immediately realizing your mistake, and having to turn back and face everyone scrunched together in the tiny lifty-box as they all make eyes at you. The next few seconds go by, and you start worrying if those complete strangers think you’re an idiot. Meanwhile, those complete strangers are much more caught up in their own lattes and preoccupations to have the single smallest iota of care about you. By the next morning, everyone would have already forgotten about it. Nobody has ever gone back to their family at dinner time and go, “Hey, you would not believe the idiot on the elevator the other day!”

Unfortunately, however, some people are much more perceptive.

*****

A fine breeze and a warm ray of sun on the face can do wonders for emotional wellbeing and stability, though it certainly isn’t the end-all-be-all for everyone. The opposite is true when it comes to waking up on a Monday and remembering you have five high school classes to teach. Yet Eileen Pritchett had woken up this morning with a much giddier outlook on life than yesterday. She didn’t complain to her alarm clock nor did she grumble when picking out her clothes. The sun beamed from her sliding glass door into her eyes, and she didn’t even mind not being able to see. All was going suspiciously well until she ran into someone she knew, and all emotions inside fizzled away.

Kyle Ling tossed a small rock at Eileen’s door to get her attention, but the most it did was annoy her enough to open it and tell him off. He stood squatting in front of a group of five other unnamed accomplices, stationed a safe distance from her house at the end of the driveway and in close proximity to a bush. They all carried their favorite stoning rocks.

“Good morning, heathen!” Kyle shouted as if saying hi to an old friend.

“Good morning, human equivalent of touching dishes in the sink.”

Kyle turned more sincere without acknowledging Eileen’s words—his definition of conversing was speaking and then searching for a break for him to speak some more. “You have a demon next door to you.”

“So naturally it must be my fault.” Eileen sipped from her travel cup of orange juice and leaned out of aim from a rock.

“And I bet my hors d’oeuvres that you’re already accomplices with them. They haunt you, you infect them with your contagious apathy, it’s a vicious cycle.”

“Wonderful weather we're having today,” she yawned.

“I mean, you get haunted? Fine by me. Well deserved, in fact. But we shouldn’t be responsible for the one who continues to live in that-that-that-that-that-that-that-that-that-that-that-that cursèd house of yours. Yesterday, even, she—they—it walks up to me and just flashes its left hand at me willy-nilly!”

“Hey, did you know that sea cucumbers breathe out of their anus?”

“I resent you, Eileen Pritchett! If I were in your grossly oversized shoes, I would have knocked down your horrendous building by now. Yes, I wouldn’t have anywhere to live, but I think it's worth the pain.”

“Cool, good to know. I have to get to work, so unless you object to that too, you’re sort of in the way.” She walked off her porch and casually slid Kyle to the side with the bone of her arm.

Less casually, she jerked and shoved him aside as two different voices saying “Eileen” rung in either ear. In Eileen’s list of priorities, punctuality for work ranked somewhere below puzzles and slightly above taking a tour of frozen-over hell. She knew the one voice saying “Eileen” was from her cousin Matt because that was all he would ever say. The second voice was harder to pick out, until she remembered there was now one person in her life who she didn’t know all the details of yet. She hijacked Kyle’s bush to squat down and snoop. Seeing that her cousin was socially apt enough to dive into a conversation with someone other than herself sparked an irrational ember of jealousy in Eileen’s mind. Though it was slightly doused by the fact that Matt and Natalie were standing at least a road’s width between them.

“—and literally no other person has made me so happy. You are so lucky to have her as your next-door neighbor!” Matt Kennett said, all limbs weak from excitement.

Natalie said, “That’s awesome! I haven’t gotten to know her too much yet, but I’ll definitely say hi.”

Matt turned around, perked up, and melted, “Well, now’s your chance! Here she is now!”

“Why are you talking about me?” Eileen said.

“Yes, why are you talking about her?” Kyle said.

“You are not part of this conversation, Kyle.” Matt groaned.

“Why, because I’m Asian?”

“Ooh, does that mean I get to leave the conversation too?” Eileen said.

“No.” Matt grasped his face and gruffly exhaled, before putting back on his cheery demeanor. “I was talking with…” he looked behind him and tilted his head, trying to fill in the pause with the name he didn’t know, “…our new neighbor—”

“—Natalie—” she muttered.

“—Natalie, and I guess I just naturally had to tell her all the great things about you too!” He was brimming with so much inner joy and excitement that any slight poke on him would make him deflate into a blob spewing all his happiness onto her. “She’s from the States! I still can’t believe it! All the way across the continent just to come here of all places!”

Natalie blushed from being the center of attention, trying to think of a way to continue the conversation. All she could muster was a “Nice to see you again,” in Eileen’s direction.

Matt lit up. He continually pointed back and forth at them, saving his squealing. “You two already met! That saves me the boring spiel about omens and all that! I’m sure she’s already filled you in on the culture already.”

Eileen leaned in and whispered, “She’s better friends with Dawn.”

“Never mind then. That makes more sense.” he muttered back with much less enthusiasm. He turned back to Natalie and pouted. “Vivian and Dawn Fay are wonderful people, but—well, they mean well, that’s all I’m gonna say.” Matt washed away his contempt and eagerly clapped his hands together and rubbed them while returning his left to his pocket. “Well! I gotta get to work, Eileen and Kyle probably do too—I am gonna head out.” He pointed, “We should work out a proper meet-and-greet, Nat! I’m so excited to get to know you!” Matt gabbled before straightening himself and turning down the road towards town hall. The rest of the three were left in silence.

Kyle shoved himself in front of Eileen. “I’m Kyle Ling, head caterer of the Snowstone Lodge, not to brag.”

Natalie nodded as if to say We’ve already met, regrettably. She bobbed and swiveled her head to search down the road, or to avoid eye-contact. “Hey, do either of you know where the high school is?”

Eileen closed her eyes. “Sh—”

“You can follow Eileen Pritchett if you want!” Kyle jumped in. “She actually teaches there. It’ll be right down the road across from town hall.”

Eileen looked at Natalie and smirked. She turned back and pointed her thumb. “I think I see my friend heading down. I should catch up with him.” She jetted across the street and quickly sped up to Patrick Wells’s side. Patrick flinched but grinned from realizing who it was.

“My god, a simple ‘Wait up, Patrick,’ would have saved me from the heart attack!”

“In my defense, I didn’t know you had a heart.”

Patrick squinted and tried all his might to make a witty comeback but abandoned the idea. “Is that a genuine grin I see on your face? What’s the occasion?”

“I don’t need an occasion, I’m always a big bundle of joy.”

“That is not what that phrase means.”

“Well, not to braaaaaag, but something is finally going on in town for once.” She thought about what she said and clarified, “Something that concerns me is finally going on in town for once.”

“Oh yeah, I saw you talking to the newbie. How’s she?”

“Who knows?” she said, eyes and vocal tone rising. Her trademark smile grew wide. “All I know is I’m getting followed.”