I am biting my nails and waiting by the phone for Mr. catfish to get off his high horse and give me a damn call. I am pathetic.

Yes, I know he is a catfish, but he is the only external conversation I have had in a while, so it is both scary and intriguing.

There is no going back now. I am officially desperate enough to befriend a catfish. Wow, this is a new low even for me.

Sam woke up an hour later, and I am currently belting out I will always love you by Whitney Houston for her listening pleasure. I am a pretty decent singer and could have been a musician if I wanted to, but homegirl likes fashion design so, that is what I do. Sam is the only one I get to bless with my voice, and she is a worthy audience.

I was belting the climax when my phone rang. An unknown number displayed on the screen, and my fingers swiped before I could even think about receiving it. Who picks on the first ring?

“Hey, catfish.” 

“Hey, hypocrite.” A burst of rich laughter roared out at the other end of the call.

“It took you long enough to call.”

 “It looks like you waited for my call since you picked up on the first ring and knew who was calling.”

Cocky bastard!

“Hello, cat got your tongue, huh?”

I had a killer comeback, but it got lost somewhere in the sound of his voice that is uniquely raspy and airy. It cracks a little when it gathers volume and he has a fake British accent going for him that is getting on my damn nerves.

I need to shut it down if the conversation is to go any further.

“Ok… so I know that is not your authentic voice or accent, so please stop.”

“Same as the sexy tone you have going on. How do I know if this sweet, dewy voice I hear is yours? You could have stolen it from a songbird.”

“Oh, shut it. I do not believe you are the person on your profile photo for one bit. Drop the fake accent and come clean. Say the truth and the truth shall set you free fishy.”

“Oh, she has a mountain of trust issues. Tell me… Did someone steal your candy right from your mouth when you were a little girl?”

“No, I just don’t believe in things that aren’t real. Like unicorns, Kardashian black genes, Santa Claus, world peace, and perfect Samuel Harrison.”

“I hope to meet you someday and clear your doubt, you doubting Thomas.”

“That would be nice, Mr. catfish… that is, if you can swim your way out of the water before you find yourself in someone’s sushi plate.” 

He burst into laughter, and it took him a while to get a hold of himself.

“You are hilarious, Deby. You are like a medicine for laughter. I cannot wait to hear what you will say when you find out that I am real.”

“We do not have to wait. We can switch to face time right now.”

“Nah. That takes the fun out of it. I will get the chance to prove you wrong. What would you do if I turn out to be the one on my profile photo?”

“I will chew my jean jacket raw if you turn out exactly like that photograph.”

“Can you bet on that statement?”

“Yes.”

“Get ready to chew your jean jacket then.”

“I am not worried because I am right. My instincts are never wrong.”

“I look forward to that day.”

“So do I.”

My baby started crying, and I sighed as I picked her up from her crib and sat up.

“What was that? Is that a baby crying around you at this time of the night?” He asked, and I sighed.

“Yeah… That is my daughter. She just woke up.” 

“You are a nursing mother?” I put the phone on hands-free mode.

“Wow. How is she?”

At the sound of his voice, Sam stopped crying and paid attention to the phone.

“She is fine. Thanks for asking.”

I answered him with gratitude because it had been a while since someone other than family members asked about her, and it felt good.

“What is her name?”

“Samuel… but you can call her Sam.”

“Samuel? Are you kidding me?”

“I know it is a bit of an odd name for a girl, but I named her after my favourite uncle who died while I was pregnant.”

“I understand the thought, but the name Samantha was not available?”

“Well, I thought she would be a boy. I promised my uncle I would name her Samuel. He died before she was born so, I could not renegotiate. I always keep my promises so; Samuel, it is.”

“Wow… I admire that. Few people can keep their promises, you know? Anyway, I see why you are super protective of the identity… but no worries, my lady. Samuel is my actual name. My profile is real, and I am beyond honoured that we bear the same name. Anyway, why is a married woman searching for sex online at this ungodly hour? Your husband is not performing his duties?”

“Perhaps, not. You should come and perform it for him.”

“You are unbelievably beautiful, but I do not do married women. I’m going to pass on that offer. I am a bit of a prude, you know?”

 “I am not a married woman, you fool. I am just a single mother with an absent baby daddy.”

“Single mother?”

 “You have problems with single mothers thirst trapping online too?”

“Aha! So, we agree it was thirst trapping, huh?”

“I plead the fifth.”

“You know pleading the fifth means you are guilty, right?”

“I reserve the right to have my lawyer present before I answer that.”

“Wow! A single mother… This is a first… I am stunned.”

“This is the first time you are hearing of the single mother concept?”

“No… but you admitting to being a single mother right off the bat… It is one of the most honest things I have experienced in a while. People usually hide that they have a little one joined at the hip, but… it is clear you are a proud mother. You could have lied and said the cry I heard was that of your sibling or a neighbour, but you did not. I like that.”

“Thanks… But the fact remains that I am a single mother of a six months old baby. My life is no secret life of an American teenager, but it is something close to that. So… I gotta ask… Is this a deal… breaker?”

“Quite the contrary. I admire that… I admire you for that and I would love to see where this connection goes.”

“Wow. I was not expecting that… you know… You sound quite mature and understanding. It is a surprising thing to find out about a catfish but… thanks. I needed to hear that.”

“You are welcome, my lady. It is my pleasure to prove people wrong.”

“Although, if this is one of the most honest things you have seen, then you need to surround yourself with better people.”

“Oh, I plan on keeping you around, baby.”

“Boy, call me baby one more time and ama give you a grown ass-whooping.” 

“Exciting! I am looking forward to that.”

“In your dreams, Sushi.”

He could not help his laughter, and I can not stop listening to it as we poke at each other until the wee hours of the morning. We just ended the call, and it does not feel as if I just talked to a stranger. It felt natural to hear him. Everything feels better. The room suddenly smells like roses, and my legs will not stop swaying in the air as I go through our chat history repeatedly. I do not know how to describe this feeling enough for you to understand, but… I feel my body resurrecting from the dead… like I am awake… alive and warm. He made no changes in my life, but I think it feels like a lot because I know somewhere out there, someone else knows my daughter and I exist. He may be a catfish, but I am itching to know him more because we have something in common. I am hiding from the world, and he is hiding behind a profile.

An uncontrollable smile wrinkled my cheeks as his message popped up on the screen.

Sam the catfish: Still up? What are you doing now?

Debby: In bed waiting for sleep, and you?

Sam the catfish: Thinking about you. I want to meet you and Sam as soon as possible.

Me: Curiosity kills the catfish, they say.

Sam the catfish: I am a cat with nine lives, so I am confident of my survival rate. I can survive being friends with a spicy woman like you.

If I wasn’t dark in complexion, I’d be blushing right now.

Me: Ok, friend. Do not say you were not warned.

Friend?

It is official; I am lonely enough to befriend a catfish… but the gag is; it does not feel that way. I am at peace.

Grandma was right. Everything turned around the moment I broke it off with my spiritual husband. I cannot wait for what dawn brings.