***

What a wonderful sensation was to have his stomach full. Kai lay on his back and sighed contently while patting his belly. He couldn’t recall why he hadn’t enjoyed eating before. His mom was always doing her best, and her food was great. The problem was that he just kept on forgetting about having to eat, and he had always had to be put at the table and scolded over not eating enough.

It felt like there was something he kept on forgetting. It had to do with the fact that he was in a world completely different from his, and there was so much new stuff he needed to figure out. 

Pepin grabbed his right hand, wiped it with something cool and pleasant, and then did the same with his other hand. 

“Hey, I could have just washed my hands later,” he protested lazily. 

“I don’t care. You’re not sending me away like you did with Conrad,” Pepin said back. “Although I’m not used to seeing you gobble down food like that and eat with your hands.”

“Stop busting my balls,” Kai said, but without opening his eyes. “It’s not like you gave me a fork or anything. Ouch.” Something cold hit his forehead. He supposed that was the fork he hadn’t noticed.

“How long are you going to laze around?” Pepin asked.

“As long as I feel like it. I’m the prince, right? I can do whatever I want,” Kai said petulantly.

“But you must address the court. They’re waiting for your words of wisdom.”

“Well, today, I don’t feel like sharing,” Kai replied.

“It’s not like you to be a lazy royal ass,” Pepin chided him. 

Kai opened one eye. “Did you just call me names?”

“Yes,” Pepin replied, completely unperturbed. 

Kai groaned and closed his eye. “Then I should consider firing you, after all. You’re worse than a nagging wife.”

There was silence from the other. Had he gone too far with his joke? He opened both eyes and looked at the servant. Pepin was kneeling but his side, but his head was turned, and Kai could only see his profile. 

“Why can’t I be?” Pepin asked wistfully.

“Why can’t you be what?”

“Your chosen.”

“Do you mean, like Conrad? Trust me, it’s not all that’s cracked up to be. You’d have to serve me all night long or something, and it looks like I’m pretty demanding. Plus, you already serve me all day long,” Kai made an attempt to joke.

“I would do everything for you.” Pepin looked at him with his large beautiful eyes. 

Kai sighed. He pushed himself up on his forearms and looked at the servant. “Everybody fears me. Even you,” he pointed out.

Pepin nodded.

“So why would you want to be my… concubine?” Kai made an effort to push that word through his mouth. 

“I want to be your wife.”

Kai closed his eyes, mumbled something against silly BL plots again, and then drew one deep breath. “Pepin, buddy, you’re a guy. At best, you could be my husband.”

That seemed to block Pepin’s train of thought for the time being. Kai stood up and straightened up his clothes, hoping that he looked royal enough. “Let’s go. What do I have to tell the court?”

That appeared to spring Pepin into action because he started talking rapidly, explaining things to Kai that he only understood half of. Whatever, he would wing it all like he did with homework all the time.

***

All right, so it wasn’t like he had stage fright or even had any idea what that was, but sitting there on a lavish throne with dozens of eyes on him felt rather… awkward. Kai shifted in his place. Prince Sebastian was more than loaded; he was like the equivalent of a frigging billionaire in that world. The ceiling appeared to be covered with intricate golden designs and paintings in beautiful colors, and the floor had to be marble.

Then came the court, which was made of men and women dressed in velvet, silk, and who knew what else expensive fabrics. The place by his right side was empty, and he gestured for Pepin to take a seat. The servant shook his head and frowned. “You sent Conrad away for the day,” he whispered.

Ah, so he held court with his concubine by his side. What a strange custom! But who was he to comment on that? 

He never pretended to be a good judge of character or tell what people were thinking, but the pairs of eyes set on him appeared to stare at him with a mix of fear, envy, and pettiness. At least, the knights and the rest of the troops had worn their sentiments toward Prince Sebastian on their sleeves. He supposed that he also had their respect, but it didn’t look like the same thing could be said about this colorful bunch.

An old man in a silly high hat and a dark velvet robe stepped forward. He executed a complicated curtsy and waited.

“Tell him he can stand up,” Pepin whispered at him from his left, “and state his problem.”

“Stand up, my good sir,” Kai said cheerfully, “and pour your heart out.” He made a gesture with both hands to show everyone that he was in a generous mood.

“Your Majesty,” the man began in a simpering voice, “I would just like to remind you that my Wilhelmina is now of marrying age.”

“Good for you. And her,” Kai said. “And what would you like me to do about that?”

Hopefully, not marry her. Wilhelmina doesn’t sound like a sexy name. Plus, I need to keep my options open. Maybe I can turn this BL into a harem plot. With girls.

“Have you thought of a good man for her?” The man kept rubbing his hands in a very distracting manner. Kai couldn’t tell if the man was cold or very pleased with himself for some reason.

He turned his head slightly toward Pepin. “What knight would be good for Wilhelmina?” he asked, moving just one corner of his mouth. 

“It’s not my place to gossip,” Pepin whispered back, in the same way.

“What? Is Wilhelmina the type to play the field?”

“I don’t know what kind of play or field you’re talking about. She’s in love with Sir Harduin.”

The name sounded familiar. “Ah, is he the one with the lazy eye?” He had asked the knights to introduce themselves, so he had a vague idea about who was who, at least as far as his royal guard was concerned. The guy in question was built like a brick house, but he had a somewhat serene look on his face that could be the sign of a not-so-stellar intelligence. However, if that Wilhelmina chick wanted him, who was he to say ‘no’?

“And what about him? Does he like her?”

“I believe her feelings are returned,” Pepin confirmed.

Kai shrugged. “I have this one in the bag, then. Wilhelmina, step forward,” he said.

A chubby young girl with a pleasant smile hurried by her father’s side. Her smile faded fast, and she watched her parent with desperate eyes. 

“Sir Harduin,” Kai called next.

The massive knight moved slowly as if he was walking on eggs. He stole furtive glances at the girl. 

“You two can go get hitched. You have my blessing.”

Everyone kept their breath. Kai looked around, a bit annoyed with that suspicious atmosphere. Right, his manner of talking sounded strange to those people.

“Feel free to get married,” he explained. “You,” he pointed at Sir Harduin, “to her,” and then pointed at the girl.

Wilhelmina’s father made a sour face. “Your Majesty, I believe that you promised --” he instantly swallowed his words.

Kai was looking curiously at him. Maybe he had an asshole-resting face or something like that because no matter who he looked at, they turned into a statue.

“Do you really mean it, Your Majesty?” Wilhelmina’s timid voice asked.

“Yes, yes, just remember to invite me to the wedding,” Kai said and waved one hand as a sign of dismissal. 

Pepin leaned slightly. “That is not the most strategic choice, Your Majesty,” he said carefully. “Wilhelmina would have been better off with one of the lords in the east.”

“Really, Pepin?” Kai whispered. “I bet she didn’t think so. Just look at them lovebirds.”

Happy with their lord’s decision, the knight and Wilhelmina were holding hands and barely kept in their excitement. 

“Next,” Kai said loudly.

The old man retreated after taking a bow. Maybe he was messing up Prince Sebastian’s court, but it was pretty fun.

***

Three happily arranged marriages later, five settlements of borders between neighbors with vast properties, and several cases of brawlers who preferred to attack one another through means of sharp tongues, Kai felt rightfully tired. All he wanted was to rest. 

“Can I call it a day? I think I’ve done plenty,” Kai said.

Pepin took a look at a heavy register he carried on his arms. “There is just one more thing, and then you can dismiss the court.”

“All right, let the man, woman, or goat step up.” One of the cases had involved a wandering herd of goats that appeared to belong to no one in particular. In the end, he had assigned them to the lords who had lands in those parts, and, he liked to believe, he had been quite impartial about it.

“It is the famous minstrel Wymer Wadeki,” Pepin announced in a pompous voice.

“Is he going to sing?” What a bore, but well, he was a prince who could shoot lasers from his eyes, so he could live with that.

“Yes, his latest song.”

“Oh, interesting. What is it about?”

“Your royal backside, Your Highness,” Pepin said.

Kai stared at his servant, searching for signs that he was joking. “For real?”

Pepin was surprised by what must have been a pretty anxious expression on his face. “You’ve been waiting for months to hear it.”

“I’m slaying dragons, and people feel the need to sing about my butt?”

“It is a majestic butt,” Pepin said. “Should I send the minstrel away?”

“I don’t know. Will he come back?”

“Yes, the next time you hold court.”

“Just let him sing, and I’ll do the walk of shame later.”

Kai covered his face. What kind of story was he trapped in, after all?

TBC