“Ambulance call out fee: $450. Please pay within 14 days. /NSW Health Authority.”

I stared at the invoice from the health department with teary eyes. I had reached rock bottom. Not only had my attempt at hooking up with Sandra Thornton gotten me chained to a bed and almost killed, but it had also brought me this invoice. While the $450 was pennies for a successful lawyer like I, the injustice gnawed on my mind. I was the victim here, why did I have to pay?

I was about to write a ranting letter to the NSW Health Authority, using every phrase from the legal playbook, when there was a buzz on my door phone. For a short moment, I felt hopeful. Had Jasmine Xi changed her mind after our last conversation and had she come to apologise? If I could only experience a night of passion with the fair Jasmine, I would pay my unfair medical bill rather than engage in pointless quarrelling with the government. 

As it turned out, Martin had arrived, holding a six-pack of beer. “Hello, Geoffrey. I was thinking that we could drink your sorrows away.” Martin said. 

“With a six-pack of beer?” I would need to drink a lot more than that!” I replied. 

“Yes, but if I drink too much, my wife will give me grief. This is a good compromise.” Martin replied.

I sighed and buzzed Martin in. While I would have preferred female companionship, drinking beer, and listening to Martin’s conspiracy theories was better than writing angry letters to the government. 

As Martin entered my apartment, we opened a cold beer each and Martin spoke. “So, are you excited now that you are going to make some money?” 

“Huh? What do you mean?” I replied. 

“You can file a compensation claim against Sandra Thornton for kidnapping and almost killing you,” Martin replied. 

“As it turns out, she was broke. I even had to pay my ambulance callout fee.” I grumbled. 

“Oh, I see. You are a luckless man. Try getting kidnapped by a rich woman next time.” Martin suggested.

I sighed. It hadn’t been my plan to end up in Sandra’s dungeon; I had hoped to get laid. Besides, finding a rich woman to get kidnapped by, seemed like the most farfetched get rich-quick-scheme in history. 

“Did you come here to say something useful or to gloat?” I snapped. 

Martin shrugged his shoulders and replied. “I came to solve your dating problems once and for all. Let me use this website to find your dream woman.” Martin said and handed me a flyer. 

‘Ronrīhātsukurabu / Lonely Hearts Club. For successful East Asian men who for inconceivable reasons cannot find a girlfriend. Registration fee $199, 30 days money-back guarantee.’ 

I raised my eyebrow and replied. “Is this a joke? There cannot be a dating website that is so tailored to my situation. 

“In any case. Please let me do this for you. I’ll even pay the registration fee.” Martin replied. 

Martin’s eagerness filled me with scepticism. Martin was not a man who offered to pay for things. As a matter of fact, his wallet, which had a padlock attached to it, was full of cobweb from the few times he opened it.

“What is going on? You are looking for inspiration for your next story, aren’t you?” I asked. 

“Yes,” Martin replied. 

“Alright. Sign me up and do what you must.” I replied. 

“Thanks, this will be so fun,” Martin said, unlocked his wallet, which caused him to sneeze, and registered my dating account. 

Having done this, Martin started his laptop and started typing away. 10 minutes later, he exclaimed. “Wow! That was quick. I organised a date for you.” 

I shivered at the thought of Martin finding me an online date. With my luck, he had either found me an East Asian swamp donkey, or someone outside of my racial preferences, and I couldn’t tell which would be worse. 

Martin passed me the laptop and I stared at it in shock. My date was a stunning Japanese woman called Ainu. How had this happened? “Don’t sit there. Suit up. You are meeting her at the casino in an hour.” Martin exclaimed. 

I experienced mixed feelings. On the one hand, Martin should have asked me before setting up a date. I had barely survived Sandra’s dungeon, and I wasn’t sure that I was ready to start dating again. On the other hand, what better way to get over past traumas than hooking up with a stunner like Ainu?

“Thanks, Martin,” I said and hurried to shower to make myself attractive for my date. 

***

An hour later, we arrived at the sports bar at the casino. I would have preferred to set up the date at the nightclub portion of the casino for a clubbier feel. However, Martin whined about breaking his budget by paying for my dating website membership. Fair enough. 

“I’ll drink beer in that corner. Feel free to come by if you need advice during the date.” Martin said and walked up to the bar to get his drink. Martin’s presence unsettled me. I knew that rascal had something planned, but I had to see the date through to find out what it was. 

“Hi. You must be Michael. It is so nice to meet someone I am 98 per cent compatible with.” 

I turned around and I saw a beautiful woman smiling at me. I was a bit unsettled that she called me another name. Was this another case of mixed-up identity? Oh well, if things came to bedroom gymnastics, I would use a condom to avoid the scenario that had played out in Paris. 

“Yes. You are Ainu, right?” I asked and smiled. 

“That is correct,” Ainu said and smiled. 

‘Wow. What a smile. This must be the hottest woman I have ever dated.’ I thought and spoke, “So, would you like a drink?” 

“At the moment, I am unable to eat or drink. I am happy for you to enjoy your refreshments.” Ainu replied.

I felt a bit nonplussed by Ainu’s answer. On the one hand, it was great that she didn’t expect me to pay for her drinks. On the other hand, sober women tended to be more impervious to my charm. 

I walked up to the bar to order a beer and a double scotch. While this was not the best way to impress on my nondrinking date, I was sick of doing things to impress others. Today I’d be myself. 

I returned with my drinks and we got seated by a table overlooking Darling Harbour. With a bit of luck, there would be fireworks soon, to set the tone for a celebratory night. 

“So, what do you do for work?” I asked, setting myself up to talk about my successful law career. 

“I work with Artificial Intelligence research. I have done that my entire life.” Ainu said and smiled. “You mean you have done it your entire career?” I asked. 

“The two are the same. I was conceived in Nagasaki in 2003, and I have worked with AI ever since. I am improving my knowledge about human interactions.” Ainu said. 

Ainu’s statement confused me. If she was born in 2003, she was only 19 years old, yet she looked like a stunning 30-year-old. While this wasn’t a problem now, it could cause long-term problems if she aged that horribly. 

“Okay, I was born in 1994 and I have worked in law since 2016,” I replied. 

“I know, Michael. I read it in your profile. However, there is one thing that I would like to get explained.” Ainu replied. 

“Uhm. What is that?” I asked. 

“How do you define success? Your presentation describes you as a successful lawyer, but the pay which you entered corresponds to an average lawyer.” Ainu asked. 

“Uhm. So, my friend Martin considers everyone making over $30 an hour to be successful. He helped creating my profile.” I admitted. 

“Oh, I see. It would be interesting to hear Martin define success if the opportunity arises.” Ainu stated.

‘You can ask him straight away. He is over there.’ I thought but I brushed off the thought. While Ainu was a weird woman, she was a stunner, and this was meant to be. Whatever Martin did when he set up my personality test, it had attracted the sexiest woman ever.

“I will make sure that Martin writes a report on the subject to aid you with your research,” I said. “Would you do that for me, Michael? Thank you very much.” Ainu said and hugged me. 

A strange feeling overwhelmed me when I received a hug from Ainu. My blood flow and confidence improved by being hugged by a stunner in public, yet Ainu felt stiff, and her skin seemed rubbery. 

‘It must have been a long time since a woman touched me,’ I thought and concluded that Ainu’s rubbery skin was the way all female skin contact felt. 

“My pleasure. I am happy to help a beautiful woman with her research projects,” I said and winked. “I am glad to hear that,” Ainu said, took my hand, and looked me into the eyes. 

‘She has bloody rubbery skin. What the hell is going on?’ I thought. I concluded that post-traumatic stress was playing tricks on my mind and that I should go home. But did I want to leave like this? Would I allow myself to break down at this critical time of my life? ‘Pull yourself together, Geoff.’ I thought and smiled at Ainu. 

“Uhm I was wondering if there is something you could do to help me with my research,” Ainu said. 

“Sure, I am happy to help,” I replied. 

“So, I have never gone home with anyone after a date. Would you like to be my first?” Ainu seduced.

I stared at Ainu in disbelief. This wasn’t happening. This had to be a prank and I knew who was behind it, Martin Lundgren! I turned to look for Martin. I saw him sitting in a corner, as it would seem, involving himself in an online argument. I hesitated for a moment. Should I call him out or should I agree to Ainu’s proposal on the off chance that it was legit? 

“I am sorry. Was I too direct? I have not learnt the subtleties of human dating culture yet.” Ainu said and looked at me with her doe eyes. I concluded that Ainu was crazy and most likely autistic. Yet she was a good sort, so was her twisted mind enough to turn her down? No, it was not. 

“No, it is my fault. I have had a few tough days.” I replied. 

“Okay, I see. Is it something that you want to talk about?” Ainu said. 

“No, but I am happy to show you my apartment,” I said and forced a smile. 

“Wow, this is so exciting. I have been longing to gain firsthand experience of human mating rituals.” Ainu said. 

‘And I have been longing to gain recent experience on the same subject,’ I thought, smiled, and replied, “I am happy to be your guide, Ainu. Follow me.” 

Having said this, I grabbed her rubber-like hand, and we left the casino, so I could teach Ainu about flowers and bees. 

***

*flash*

‘Bloody thunderstorm.’ I thought as the sky opened as we walked towards my place. We were only a few minutes away from my apartment, but this torrential rain would soak us before we got there.

“I don’t like the rain. I am terrified of lightning.” Ainu whimpered. 

“My place is only a block away, let’s hurry up,” I said and let go of Ainu’s hand. 

*Kaboom*

The shockwave from a nearby lightning strike knocked me to the ground. As I got back to my senses, I looked towards where Ainu had stood. Her rubber skin had been burnt off and revealed the metal skeleton below. Apparently, she wasn’t a murder robot from the future, because the lightning strike was all it took to destroy her. ‘What the fuck is going on in my life,’ I thought, as a government cover-up ambulance appeared and drove me to a military hospital. 

***

I woke up the following day in a military hospital. I had cheated death twice in two days. First Jasmine Xi had saved me when Sandra tried to murder me, and then I had survived the lightning strike by letting go of the robot's hand. Such a miracle! Yet, I wasn’t out of the woods. I was in a government medical facility, and I risked getting in trouble for my connection with the humanlike robot. 

A colonel accompanied by a few soldiers entered my room and spoke, “Good morning, Geoffrey. How unfortunate that the thunderstorm destroyed your foreign prototype robot. Because of your actions, we had to send out a black ops team to cover up the technology. The public is not ready to know about this.”

I broke down and cried. “I didn’t know she was a robot. Please don’t kill me.”

The colonel gave me a confused look and replied. “Why would we kill you?” 

“Because I know about the secret human-like robot technology?” I speculated. 

“Who cares what you know? No one is going to believe you anyway. Besides, if you die, who is going to pay this invoice?” The colonel said and handed me an invoice.

‘Black operations cover-up fee: $10,000. Please pay within seven days. Finance options available on request.’

I sighed. My dating life had gone from bad to worse. I had almost died two nights in a row, and I had ended up with a hefty medical bill each time. Would things ever improve?