Me and my entire staff spent the first few months running around like headless chickens, trying to figure out how to actually run a bar. Everything we’d learned before opening our doors had still not prepared us for the madness that owning one would be. Thankfully, I had hired capable people, so it wasn’t a disaster, and nothing too awful happened. But boy, was there a lot to do.

But we got the hang of it, eventually. And I loved my job as the owner. I loved my staff; I loved the bar; I even loved the paperwork, since it was my own paperwork, not some big corporations.

And I really loved this new city. I didn’t feel so insecure as an openly gay man, and there were a lot of people like me around. It was so easy to make new friends, and meet new people, and even though this place wasn’t completely void of homophobia, the attitude was still much, much nicer.

I had a few dates as well, but nothing too serious. My bar had most of my interest – and time – so I didn’t really have the energy to start anything serious. And I guess I still wasn’t quite over with being stabbed, even though it happened years ago, so going out on dates did make me nervous at times. I was more than happy to ease my way back into dating life, and not hurry into anything just yet.

Even when I noticed a hot guy in the gym. He was probably straight, anyway…

He was there a lot, and he really was nice to look at. Dark, messy hair with natural highlights, sharp features, and such a smoking hot body I couldn’t help but feel jealous. He always worked alone and always seemed to go through the same routine. I knew, because no matter how hard I tried not to, I still watched him.

One day I dared to exchange a few words with him when I ran into him in the dressing room.

“Nice day to sweat, am I right?” I asked.

“…Sure,” he replied, giving me a side-eyed glance.

“It’s supposed to rain again, I guess,” I continued, suddenly feeling nervous as hell.

“Hmmh…”

“Yeah,” I managed to mutter in my awkwardness. “Well, have fun out there,” I said and fled the scene, my heart pumping.

He clearly wasn’t interested in speaking to me, so I was kind of surprised when I started noticing him watching me and my friends. A few weeks later, I started to understand why. He kept giving us annoyed glances whenever we were being too loud or started goofing around. That was a bummer. I was kind of hoping that he was… Oh well.

And then…

I was hanging out in the bar after my morning shift, drinking beer and chatting with my staff and the people who were willing to listen to me long enough. It was raining outside, and I had nothing better to do. The bar was my second home, after all, and I much rather hung out there than stayed in my silent apartment.

I heard the door behind me, but I didn’t look, not until someone sat behind the counter a few stools away from me.

It was him. In my bar. In my gay bar.

I nearly choked on my beer when I watched him. Was he… Oh, please, please, please, let him be gay! And single!

I had to get a grip on myself. Fast. I wasn’t ready for a relationship, and the only times the guy had acknowledged my existence was when he got annoyed with us. The situation was already doomed.

He ordered his beer, and I tried so hard not to stare at him, but I never had the time to look away. I immediately realized my mistake and knew I had to come up with something to hide the fact that I’d been drooling over his wet appearance.

“I do know you,” I said, acting like that was the reason I’d stared at him “I’ve seen you at the gym almost every day.”

“Oh. Yes… Hi,” he said, taking the beer from one of my bartenders, Shawn. He was still looking at me, so I found the courage to continue speaking.

“Never seen you here though,” I said tentatively – I had to know if he was into guys…

He didn’t seem so annoyed by me while we chatted for a bit. There was something in his eyes, and I hoped it was interest. He was drinking fast, though… I had to make a move. I just had to!

“You… in a hurry?” I asked.

“Not really.”

“You want to drink alone, or…?”

He shrugged. I took it as a yes.

“Great!” I said, waving at him so he’d follow me – I wanted a bit of privacy, and not have Shawn smirking at me as I tried to make my move.

“I’m Cole, by the way. Cole Smith.”

“Randall.”

Hmm… He didn’t look like Randall to me. Weird thought.

But there was something new in his eyes the next time I looked at him. His expression was more… tense now. I hoped it wasn’t because of me.

“You look spooked,” I said and tried to smile while we sat down. I knew some people found me too straightforward. And boy, I knew just how much I could talk, so I felt like I should warn him. “Don’t mind me – I’ve been here for over an hour already and I get a bit chatty after a few beers.”

He didn’t seem any less spooked.

“You’re… alone?” he asked, looking around the bar with only mild interest in his eyes.

“I already talked everyone’s ears off, so they bailed.”

“And I’m the next victim.”

“You seem like a quiet one, so I get to do all the talking,” I joked, hoping it would help to break the ice.

“I… see…”

“So you’ve never been here before?” I asked.

“…no.”

“What do you think?”

“…about what?”

“The bar.”

He glanced around and shrugged. “It’s cool.”

“Just cool?”

“…yes?”

“Cool. I own it,” I said, still feeling proud to say that.

“The… bar?” he asked, retreating a little.

“Yes,” I said, looking away. “I always wanted to open a bar and here it is. It might not be much, but the area is perfect for a gay bar.”

“So you’re… gay?” he suddenly asked, and I nearly choked on air.

“Yes. And you…?” I asked carefully, praying silently…

He didn’t reply to me. The timid look in his eyes grew worse, and now he definitely was turning distant. I suddenly realized that this man carried scars of his own, and I felt so incredibly bad for not realizing it sooner.

“How long have you been working out?” I asked instead to change the subject hurriedly.

“Um… Ever since I was sixteen,” he told me, still avoiding me.

“Oh! Maybe you can teach me then. I only started when I moved here.”

“I guess. But I don’t really think you need my help – you’re already doing great.”

“So you’ve been watching me?” I asked before I could shut my damn pie hole.

And I regretted it immediately. This guy was trying. He was probably way out of his safe zone, and I kept making things worse for him.

“I’m sorry – didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Again. For the third time, actually…” I muttered.

“It’s fine,” he said quietly, not looking at me. “I’m… not very good at this, so…”

“Fair enough. You can just tell me to piss off if you want.”

I was actually sure he would tell me to piss off. When he looked at me, I saw fear. I saw pure, honest fear in his eyes. His scars were big. I could almost see them.

But he surprised me and leaned closer.

“Well – there are a few techniques I could show you – you’ll destroy your back if you continue doing them wrong.”

“Really?”

I chuckled before I could stop myself – again. I was just so glad I hadn’t ruined anything. And as we continued chatting about working out, he became less timid. The fear still stayed, but as long as the conversation stayed in safe waters, he continued talking quite freely.

In the end, I wasn’t sure where I had gotten myself into, but I was by no means any less interested in him. I was dying to know more about him. At least as a friend. He seemed like he didn’t have many people to talk to. I could tell that by how his voice grew hoarse only after a little bit of talking.

“I loved Vanishing Point – you know that movie, right? The one with the Dodge Challenger and the guy with a pregnant wife?”

“I… No?”

“You have to watch it! It’s the best movie ever made! It’s the reason why I fell in love with old cars in the first place!”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“I have it on DVD – you can borrow it,” I said, hoping he would take my offer – an excuse to meet him again.

“Sure, sure,” he said.

“Good, and you better watch it,” I said and smirked. “I’ll bring it to the gym tomorrow. You’ll be there, right?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there,” he nodded.

He left soon after that. I had wanted to walk him home, but I didn’t even dare to ask. I had the feeling that just being in my bar, talking to me, had been a huge step for him. I mean, the fear in his eyes…

I couldn’t forget that.