*****

“Books, salt, chills, spirits,” Matt Kennett repeated to himself, slouched down at his desk. He breathed in, held his breath, and exhaled. “It’s okay, we’ve gotten haunted before, and we’ve made it this far already.” He paused. “No, I can’t do this! I need to cancel the welcome party before someone gets hurt—”

Ringtone. Ringtone. Ring—

“Hello? Matt Kennett’s office? …Oh, Eileen! Wow, this is a surprise, you’re never the one to call first! …No, we we’re still looking for dates and venues for the welcome party why do you ask? …You what? …Absolutely not! …Wait, she said that? …You care about her that much, huh? …I mean, it will boost public relations, but the public safety end of that is questionable at best. …Y’know what?—I think that’s really sweet!—I’ll do everything I can to take the necessary precautions. …No, I’m not gonna enjoy it, but it’s not my night, is it? …Alright, I’ll see you around. Take care, Leeny!”

Click.

Crap, crap crap crap crap! I need to call her back to tell her I can’t go through with this! “Hey, Archie! We’ve got the welcome party scheduled!” Matt trembled in his voice, but kept up a perky attitude. Call her back, Matt! Don’t make any commitments. “Yeah, it’s Eileen’s house on Hallows Eve!” Now’s your last chance to go back, Matt, don’t blow it! He shrugged, “I guess we’re pretty much locked in now!” Goddammit, Matt.

*****

Natalie Aureole, finally getting off work, took a direct route over to the Everoak. In her quick dash to the hotel, she found herself as the first of the school posse there. After entering, she made a bolt for her VIP beanbag. Her arms and legs hung out from it like a wilted fern, and her head bent back with so much boredom and anguish that she wouldn’t have even cared if it snapped off right then.

Sitting on the arm of a couch next to the bar was Vivian Fay, and fixing up a Rueben sandwich behind the bar was Dawn Fay. Just the sight of the two made Natalie smile in relief. She headed up to the bar to lightly swivel on one of the stools in front.

“Hey—er… hey hey, right?” She grinned unsurely. “How are you two?”

“Can’t complain,” said Vivian. “How’s it with you?”

“I’m fine…” Her next sentence, she spit out quickly and quietly, hoping the rest would hear it but not listen to it. “Gettingfollowedandsuchbutnobigdeal.” She scanned the shelves behind her and said, “Dawn, what drinks do you have?”

Dawn turned around and slid a sandwich platter all the way down the counter. They smiled. “Well, we got water, milk, juice, Fizzbob-brand carbonated beverage, you name it.”

“Got anything… you know…”

Dawn cocked their head like a dog desperately trying to understand what its human was saying.

“…Alcoholic?”

“Oh god no!” they responded. “We haven’t been allowed to serve ale since forever. They still serve it in the States?”

“Yes,” she said quickly and quietly. She looked back up. “Mind if I use your bathroom then?”

“Sure. Just down that hall.”

After Natalie got up from her seat, the Fays scooted closer to each other and pouted.

“I hate to see her stressed out like this,” said Vivian. “It must be so hard moving somewhere completely different. Culture shock, homesickness, dépaysement. She’s been seeming down lately.”

“There’s always more to a person than what we see.” Dawn said. “But, you remember in high school when I couldn’t stand people talking about me behind my back—good or bad? I think we should respect that with Nat too.” Dawn was quick to change the subject. “So, did Matt know anything about the book we found?”

“Not at all. For once, I believe him.”

“I don’t know why so many people are making a big deal of it, honestly,” Dawn said. “We’re getting free books; we should be celebrating. You of all people should, at least. Remember when I got you that new Anon Denouement book for your birthday?”

“God, I was squealing like a little girl,” Vivian blushed.

“I still look at that video from time to time.” Dawn chuckled and then turned serious again. “So what’s the book about? Spirits, demons, and all that?”

“Nah, I read through the whole thing today; she won’t like it. Too factual, not enough superstition. It’s actually really cool! It’s about the history and culture of the left hand. Here, I should show you.” She flipped to a random page and read aloud:

Some cultures forbid the use of the left hand, especially in more formal settings. Others, like the United States, are more accommodating, yet right-handed items like scissors and desks still populate the 90% majority—or even more so.

“I didn’t know left-handedness was actually a thing,” Dawn said.

Natalie lightly kicked the bathroom door closed and returned to her seat. “I think your automatic dryer’s broken.” She wiped her dripping face dry with her napkin.”

“Sure, I’ll look into that,” Dawn breathed. They leaned their head towards Vivian’s. She nodded. Dawn turned back and said, “Hey, we noticed you don’t really seem too… into it today. You feel like talking?”

Natalie took a sip from her glass of air. She lightly put it back down. As self-proclaimed non-spiritists, the Fays would have been the best people to vent to who would also sincerely listen.

“Ghosts don’t exist, right? Can we, like, all agree on that as a group?”

Dawn and Vivian both enthusiastically affirmed.

“Cool. And you’re pretty much the only people here who think that?”

Vivian nodded, “Yeah, some of the only ones. But everyone else…” she crinkled her face.

“Alright.” She finally spilled the cheese, “Does Eileen like me?”

Well this was an elephant in the room no one was ready to poach. Dawn lightly pushed Vivian back and leaned closer towards Natalie. Dawn laughed, “You’re all she ever talks about!”

Natalie instinctively retracted her limbs up to her chest. She didn’t say anything, but her angled eyebrows and light pout spoke louder.

Dawn grabbed a muffin from the pantry and slid it down to her, free of charge. “Eileen is so hard to warm up to, but once you do, she’s the best person ever. She’s a person who knows what she wants, and isn’t going to waste time or effort on something that doesn’t matter to her. The fact that she dedicates so much of herself to you is honestly the sweetest gesture she could ever do. Once you break through that armor she’s got on, you two are gonna hit it off so well! At the end of the day, she’s a Plainwooder, right? You’ve seen how kind and friendly we all are.”

Natalie smiled the biggest she had that day. Yes, Plainwood’s tightknit culture of get-togethers, familiarity, and chatting in other people’s homes had been off-putting, but it was indeed the friendliest place Natalie had ever been.

“That’s really nice to know.” Natalie said. “I was just worried ‘cause I met Mister—er, Matt Kennett yesterday and he really got into my head. I was worried someone would misspeak and we all got beheaded or something.”

Vivian lightly grabbed her on the other shoulder, but Natalie flinched back before she could. Nonetheless, Vivian said in her calm, assuaging voice, “Oh, don’t you worry about that at all. Beheading hasn’t been legal here since Nineteen-Ninety-One. Besides, you are so lucky to have met all of us instead of—I don’t know—Kyle. You’re with some of the most levelheaded people in Plainwood. And don’t forget, neighbors gotta stick together.”

Natalie grinned. “Thanks, Vivian. That means a lot.” She looked down into the bottom of her empty glass and sighed in it, fogging it up. Without looking back up, she added, “By the way, Vivi, I think you might want to keep a watch on her tonight.”

Dingle-ding! Eileen breezed through the lobby like a gently swaying leaf in the wind. It was the calmest she had ever been since the newbie showed up. She gathered around their normal area, where Vivian was already sitting. Eileen’s face lit up like a jumbotron at Natalie, as if she had never been suspicious about her at all and had been close friends with her since childhood. Natalie tentatively nodded back and quickly turned back to Dawn to order another muffin.

“What’s up?” Eileen sat down and swiveled around a seat at the bar. “Hey hey, Natalie!” she said, genuinely happy to see her.

“Hey hey, Eileen,” she replied with the barest minimum politeness. “You seem to be feeling better.”

“I really am!” She leaned in closer and wrapped her arm around her shoulders. “Listen, I’m gonna be frank with you: I have been so up-the-wall stressed from finally getting a new neighbor.” Eileen swayed around freely, a calm after-dental-surgery-type serenity weaving into her words. “I mean, I’ve been living the same way for so long that I don’t even remember what new things feel like. Have I been a bit standoffish with you lately? I feel like I’ve been a bit standoffish lately.”

Natalie slowly and carefully slid Eileen’s arm off of her. What was there to say? Absolutely you have? What would that answer serve? Natalie composed her thoughts and agreed, “Yeah, we sort of started on the wrong foot, haven’t we? But that’s on both of us; I mean, I trespassed on your lawn, and you’ve been following me since I got here.”

“We’ve been following each other, buddy,” Eileen reached her arm around and patted her on the back. “From now on, let’s just stop this whole ‘Ghost Girl’ thing entirely and just hang out like normal people. What do you say?”

Okay, cool, no one said anything about being a ‘Ghost Girl,’ but it’s cool you just took everything Dawn said and smashed it into pieces. “I say: Sounds good, Eileen.” Natalie grinned.

“Awesome! C’mere!” Eileen wrapped her arms around her, which Natalie in a way returned. Meanwhile, Dawn and Vivian both ogled at their happy ending.

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The next morning, Eileen Pritchett woke up on her couch, still laying down. She shifted her eyes in every direction and realized that her couch was actually Dawn’s couch, and she was in the Everoak. She squinted, trying to adjust to an overload of confusion.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” said Dawn with a caustic smile. “Normally I charge people for staying the night. You owe me one.”

Eileen rubbed her eyes and continued to shift her gaze around each small detail of the room. “Okay, this is weird, I was just at school.”

Dawn raised an eyebrow. “Need some water to wake you up?”

“No, no, I’m awake.” She squinted at the clock on the wall and calendar on the counter. “Did… I come here yesterday after work?”

“You did, you were hanging with Natalie for the rest of the evening. You seemed pretty out of it.”

Eileen’s heart skipped. “How out of it?”

“You hugged Natalie and agreed to start over and cut down on ‘Ghost Girl’ theories.”

“I… I actually said ‘Ghost Girl’?”

Dawn nodded.

“Damn, that doesn’t sound anything like me…” She trailed off as she thought and contemplated. Like lightning, a thought struck her; and like a person who didn’t want to bother anyone about being struck by lightning, she simply sighed and whispered to herself, “Perfect.”

“What?” Dawn stuttered. “Should I get Vivian?”

“Don’t worry about me, don’t take me to Vivian.” She rubbed her forehead, speaking in pained groans. “I don’t want to how she can explain this. As far as I care, I got possessed. I’m fine, just get me a pail and some mints.”