“Kaya! Kaya, are you ok?” One of my classmates screamed across the floor. I stood in the door frame, after falling on my shaking knees several times. My mind started racing, trying to find an answer for my state, while she approached me with a worried smile on her face. I held my breath as I saw her standing in front of me. My mind was still proceeding what happened and now I should have an explanation?
I shily smiled back. Julie was always friendly to everyone and tried to help where she could, giving her best every time. As usually she tilted her head and asked the question again. It’s her little thing to do so and it’s adorable in my eyes.
With an waiting expression, her smile fainted the moment I slipped down the frame. It didn’t hurt but tears started rolling down my cheeks.
“Kaya?” She asked panicking. I would’ve told her that I was fine. But my world started turning in an hectic pace and I didn’t dare to say a word.
“I’m getting Ms. Taylor, y-you stay here, ok?” I didn’t nod, I didn’t look up. The only thing that left my throat was a sobbing sound. As if it was her signal to leave, Julie almost jumped up and ran down the floor.
Time felt to slow down but also like run a marathon at the same time. When I heard steps again, I jumped up while a shiver creep up my spine. Before I could realize that it was that I made a mistake, I was already back on the floor. If I would continue this game, my breakfast would be on the floor too.
While I was trying my best at whatever I was doing. Ms. Taylor approached with a worried face and a silently screaming Julie. Seconds later she sends the squirming Julie back to her class, the girl followed against her will and left me with a last sad smile. The scaring feeling that she knew what happened roamed my body.
The moment Ms. Taylor put her hand on me, my whole body responded with twitching. I scooted away from her embrace, too scared to be touched.
I could feel that she got mad at me. But that would be my least concern I had for now. I somewhat managed to look up at her. Her eyes screamed at me, but her body spoke another language. Calmly and elegant. Without saying a word, she gestured me to go to her office that was at the end of the second floor. Still shaking I got up, she was already running ahead, stomping her feet like a little kid while swinging her as with each step.
In her office I take a seat across her table. I’ve been never in here and never dreamed to be in office one day. I was a good student, with a perfectly healthy mind. Yes, sometimes I was stressed, but not to the point of going insane or losing myself.
She sat down behind the old brownish desk. The whole room was held in a beige, white and grey scheme and then the big and ugly brownish table destroyed the aesthetic.
Crossing her legs and grabbing her glasses from the table, cleared her throat before speaking in a high-pitched tone. I didn’t want to be rude, but she sounded like a dying mouse. I let my body relax in the seat.
“I saw you going into the teacher’s material room, with Mr. Bakker.” She emphasized his name in a jealous way. Her smile almost as devilish as his. I started to tense up again. The thought of being save was childish of me.
“He rejected you. Didn’t he?” Her smile got bigger while deducting the things she thought she saw. My eyes started to flatter, while my mind tried to understand her. Ms. Taylor pounded her lips while she looked me up and down. Me liking Mr. Bakker? I concluded.
“What? No!” I stood up while speaking to her. I knew I was too loud. How could she suggest such a thing? Now shaking from the frustration, that a person thing I would do things like that. I grabbed onto the weird table to steady my pose.
“Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.” She spoke calmly, while writing down something. My frustration turned slowly into anger. Madness filled my thoughts and I started to scream at her.
“No! He assaulted me.” I spoke the words out for the first time. I could feel his hands on my skin again. I voice crawling through my head. I sat back into the chair. Realizing that I made a big mistake. Every possible explanation, that didn’t sound like a lie were written in front of my eyes.
“He sure did. Now go back to your class.” She said while getting up and opening to door for me to leave. My head snapped back at her. She didn’t believe me. Why wouldn’t she believe me? I got up and walked towards the open door. Looked her straight in the eyes. I wanted to tell her how shitty she is for a psychologist, but I let it slip. With one last devilish smile, she pushed me out of the door and slammed it back shut.
I murmured to myself: “Job definitively failed.” While sighting deeply. I shook my head and looked back at the closed door. The curtains still shaking from the moving air inside the room.
Puzzled and not sure if it was the right decision to scream it out like that, I looked around to find back to my own classroom. After all this situation is not allowed to throw me back. I must get good grades then I can get rid of Mr. Bakker.
With the thought that it was a one timer and would never happen again, I left the silent floor and returned to my classroom. I have to concentrate on me and no one else. I pressed my thumbs inside my palm and made myself promise to be better then I’ve ever been.