After a few minutes had gone by, Hayden finally spoke.
“I thought you'd think I was giving you space like I had said that night. I didn't realize it would scare you so much that I wasn't coming back this year. I didn't message because I thought you'd talk to Amy sooner and find out. I didn't know you'd wait three weeks before asking. Cam look at me. Please look at me” Hayden pleaded trying to keep from crying.
Turning, I looked at Haydens’ image wishing he was right here in front of me so I could hug him. After a few seconds, Hayden continued “I love you, Cameron and I'm so sorry it took this long for you to find out what's going on. Truthfully, even though they said a year realistically I won't be back at school until the beginning of senior year but I promise I'll be home close to the end of junior year. I should be back in time for your birthday next year.”
“I love you too and as long as you come home safe I don't care when it is though the sooner the better” I said getting some of my normal mood back.
“Wanna video chat later tonight too? Maybe without the audience” Hayden asked with a grin.
“Yeah, we have stuff we need to talk about later” I said then glancing up at Amy added “thank you for doing this Amy and thank you for worrying about us.”
“You're welcome, Cam. Hopefully my idiot brother will learn from this” she said with an annoyed look.
“Oh boy Hayden, I think you pissed her off...” I chuckled.
“Don't you mean we pissed her off?” he said jokingly.
“Okay, are you two love birds better now?” she asked smiling.
“Yeah, we will be. I'll talk to you later Cam. I'll I.M. before I call you. I love you” Hayden said with a hopeful smile.
“Okay, I love you too” I said waving before Amy disconnected the call. A few seconds afterward, Amy asked “so, are you still going date Jon or are you thinking about trying long distance?”
“That's one of the things I need to talk to Hayden about tonight. I'd be willing to do long distance until he gets back if he's willing to try” I said turning to look out the window.
“I guess you'll find out. I can't wait for you guys to finally be together after all this time. I know he wasn't sure until recently but I always suspected he had feelings for you” she said moving to sit beside me on the bed.
“Oh really?” I asked turning to look at her with a shocked and confused expression. With a giggle, Amy said “yeah, specially over the last year when you were suffering in silence and dating all those girls. He looked so miserable watching you when you weren't looking but he'd hide it as soon as you'd look at him. He got pretty good at it until he couldn't take it anymore and said something before the semester began.”
“Yeah, I remember that. He said something like 'I know something's been going on with you and I know there are things you won't tell me but I want you to know I know and I'm here for you when you're ready to talk' which completely caught me off guard and I almost told him there and then but I couldn't bring myself to see his face. I didn't want to see his beautiful face twisted in a look of pitty and disgust. I'm glad that he was accepting and understand and even angry when he found out. Part of the reason I said something that day was because I knew he was standing there and because I couldn't see his reaction when I said it” I confided in Amy.
“Yeah, he was fairly upset that day when he came home. I think he felt guilty knowing you were in pain but not knowing how to help you. It tore him up inside” she said remembering how Hayden had acted that day after he’d confronted Cam. Standing, I moved over to the desk and picked up an old photo of the three of us and said “oh, I didn't realize that. I wish he'd have said something but I can guess why he didn't.” Moving to stand next to me and looking at the same photo of our smiling faces, she said “who would have ever thought that those smiling kids would be in this situation today. Or that we would've gone through everything we have up to this point.” After a few minutes of standing in silence as I put the photo back on his desk, I said “well, I should be going. I have some homework to get done before Hayden calls later. Thanks for today Amy.”
“Yeah, I'll walk you out. And you're welcome. Let me know what you guys decide okay” she said moving to open the door. Exiting the room, they descended the stairs in silence until they reached the front door.
Opening it, Amy said “have a good night, Cam. Try not to stay up too late.” with a giggle, I replied “yeah you too and I'll try” before walking out the door. As I made it to the gate, I heard to door click closed. As I opened and exited through the gate, I thought “I can't believe he'll be gone for a year... ugh why did it have to be now???”
When I got back over to my house, I went into my room then dropping my stuff flung myself face first onto my bed. "I can't believe he'll be gone for an entire year" I mumbled into my pillow as my phone beeped. Pulling it out of my pocket, I glanced at it and saw a message from Hayden.
[Hey, try not to stress about me being gone too much. I know it'll be a big change for both of us but I'll always be available to talk if you want. I love you.] Sighing, I typed back [I'll try but I won't promise anything. You better be. These last few weeks have been pure torture. So, I can only imagine what the next year will feel like without you. I love you so much.] Putting my phone on the nightstand, I slowly got up and decided that I needed to get my homework done. Several hours passed and I had just gotten out of the shower when my phone beeped alerting me to a new instant message from Hayden. [Hey, you available to talk now?] Smiling, I wrote back [Dripping wet but yes. LOL I just got out of the shower, no dirty thoughts] within seconds, he wrote back [Awe man... You can't drop that on me and not expect me to think of something dirty] Laughing, I wrote back [Then maybe you should go shower and clean up that dirty mind of yours] Putting my phone on the desk, I opened my laptop booting it up as I towel dried my hair. Looking down, I realized I was still shirtless and decided to just leave it that way to tease him. When the video chat loaded, I wasn't disappointed with his reaction to me being shirtless.
"Oh lord help me" he said taking in a deep appreciative breath.
Laughing, I released the towel to hang over my shoulder and said "what? I did say I'd just showered."
"Cam, you do realize how gorgeous you are don't you?" he asked smiling.
"Only when you tell me, Hayden" I said laughing again.
"God, I missed hearing you laugh so damn much" he smiled.
"Well, we can make this a daily thing and you'll be able to hear it more often" I said thoughtfully.
"That we could" he said his smile never leaving his face.
"So... Tell me what it's like in the middle of no where" I said.
"Well, it's just me and grandpa in this big house. He's down stairs though so, I may as well be alone. The nearest neighbors are about five miles away and the town is about a twenty five minute drive. It's kind of nice but I miss being able to look out my window and see the most beautiful person in the world" he explained making me blush and smile.
"I miss being able to look over and see you too. Everything just isn't the same without you" I said feeling lonely.
"I know I hate it too" he said. After a short silence, he asked "so, are we just going to ignore the elephant in the room?"
"We're not ignoring it. We just haven't gotten to that point yet" I shrugged pulling the towel off my neck completely and throwing it towards my laundry hamper.
"Okay, well we both know that we love each other more than anything but last I checked you have a boyfriend and he's not me" he said looking away.
"You're right. Technically, I do but if you want to try long distance I am more than willing to end things with him to be with you. He's already told me that it's fine if I want to be with you whenever you figured out how you felt" I said hoping he'd say he wants to try. A few minutes passed in silence before, he said "I want to try. I hate the idea of you being with anyone other than me. It's not that I think you'd let them touch you or anything but that I just don't think they can make you as happy as I can.”
"That's probably true. I don't think anyone could ever make me as happy as you do" I smiled then added "and I don't know that I'll be able to let anyone touch me for a while so you being gone may turn out to be a bonus" as I looked down at my hands.
"I know Cam and I'm not expecting that we'll get that far anytime soon. I know you're still working through all of it" Hayden said with a sad look.
"Don't do that. Please, I can't stand the sad looks anymore. I know you're upset about the whole thing but I'd rather see you smile. I love the way your eyes light up when you do. It's beautiful" I said blushing before I looked away again.
"Aww that blush is so cute baby" he laughed making me smile.
"This is going to sound weird but I really wish you were here so I could kiss you" I said looking at the screen watching as he blushed before he said "it's not weird because I wish I was there too. I really wish that hadn't been our first kiss. I wish it had been a more romantic kiss."
"I think that was pretty romantic but I agree it could have been better" I teased him.
"God, why did it have to take me so long to figure out how much I love you?" Hayden asked with a chuckle.
"That's a good question though I'm kind of glad it did. I know that sounds bad but after what I went through, I don't know that having a boyfriend would've helped at all" I shrugged sadly then added “in all honesty, I had almost worked up the nerve to tell you how I felt. I had actually decided to tell you that day on the way home before but then after I just couldn’t.”
"Okay, that I understand. It probably would've made things more complicated" he said nodding. We stared at each other for another minute or two before we both began to chuckle.
"We're really something aren't we?" Hayden chuckled.
"Yeah, you really are" I teased sticking out my tongue and giggling before groaning "ugh, Ike-do practice is going to suck now since I'll be stuck with Sensei or someone else who will inevitably hold back."
"That might be true but you better not quit just because I'm not there to kick your ass" Hayden teased.
"You better find a way to stay in practice otherwise it'll be me kicking your ass instead of the other way around" I laughed before the realization hit me "oh, I guess this means you're not on the swim team anymore either."
"Hmmm. I guess not" Hayden shrugged as if he wasn't all that bothered by it.
"You don't have to pretend you aren't bummed about it, you know" I said.
"Yeah, I know. I just don't feel like I've lost that because it hasn't been the same without you there anyway" he shrugged.
"Oh" I said sadly looking at my hands.
"Babe, it's okay. Really, I'm not worried about being off the team because the only thing I'm upset about is not being able to be near you" Hayden told me with a sweet smile.
"Awww look at you being all sweet and stuff" I chuckled as I got up to open my window some. With the window cracked, I could hear Amy practicing the piano making me smile. As I returned to my desk, I said "Amy has gotten so good at the piano."
"I know, she really is amazing" he said looking slightly confused. Laughing, I said "I opened the window and can hear her playing right now. It sounds kind of bluesy. Like maybe she's upset and letting her emotions guide her playing."
"That may be true. I know she's about as happy about all this as we are" he sighed glancing away. Taking a shuttering breath, he said "I really miss you."
"I miss you too, Hayden" I said with a sad smile.
"I wish I was there to snuggle with you as we fell asleep" he said then added "ugh... this year is going to go by so damn slowly.""Yeah, I wish you were too. I wish this year would go by faster" I said before adding "we should probably get to bed."
"Yeah, we probably should" he answered with a sad smile.
"Oh don't do that. We can talk to each other whenever we want babe" I smiled holding up my phone.
"That's true. We'll have to talk every day or at least every other day since you'll have school and practice" he shrugged.
"True but for now, it's time for sleep" I said.
"Yeah. Good night Cameron, I love you" he smiled.
"Good night Hayden. I love you too" I smiled back before blowing him a kiss and closing the chat window with a sad sigh. Closing my laptop, I climbed into bed and prayed for good dreams instead of my nightmares.
Waking up this morning, I found a message on my phone from Hayden [good morning love. Have a good day at school. I love you] Smiling, I messaged back [morning babe, I'll try but it won't be the same without you. I love you too] before I got up to get dressed for school. As I walked through the park, I decided I'd tell Jon everything and end things with him. Exiting the park, I saw him waiting for me and said "good morning." Glancing up from his phone, he said "morning. You look happy today. Don't get me wrong, it's good just unexpected from how you've been lately."
"Yeah, I talked to Hayden yesterday. He had to go take care of his grandad which is why he won't be back for the next year" I explained as we walked. Jon was quiet for a while before asking "did you guys talk about your relationship?" Pausing, I waited for him to do the same and turn to look at me before I said "we did. We decided to try a long distance relationship until he's back. So, I'm sorry but this has to end. We can still be friends though if you want though I'd understand if you don't."
"No, its okay. I get it. I told you from the beginning that should you get the chance to be with him then you should take it and I'd be okay with it. I'd like us to still be friends too and I respect you for trying to make it work despite the distance" he said with a sad smile.
"I'm really sorry if this hurts you" I said looking away.
"I'm okay really. Come on we should get going before we're late" he said before turning to walk towards the school. Following him in silence, part of me felt bad but part of me was happy that he understood.
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