By the time I weasled away from Sophie, I couldn’t find Duncan. At least, not upstairs where we had been. Which meant going back into the now raging crowd, searching for a needle in a needle stack. A drunk person in a sea of drunk people. I slipped through the crowd in a way that was more desperate than graceful, getting elbowed and stepped on and yelled at.
Finally, I broke away to the backyard, and I spotted Duncan alone under one of the large oak trees.
My hands began to sweat, and I stopped dead in my tracks.
He was upset.
I could tell he was upset. He was doing that thing he did with his nose–sniffling and rubbing it with his finger. His eyebrows were scrunched together, and he was staring out into the distance like something was tormenting him.
I began to back away, but I thought better of it.
And I pushed myself forward.
“Duncan.”
Duncan’s head snapped up to me, and his eyes widened for a moment before he collected himself. He looked away from me quickly, hiding his face as he went on whatever journey it was he was going on. “Hey. I see you met Sophie.”
“Indeed I did.”
“You two hit it off.” His voice broke over the words.
“It wasn’t like that,” I spoke quickly, the words tumbling out all at once. “She tripped and spilled some of her drink on me, so I was letting her try to get the stain out. I know what it looked like, but I’m not the kind of person who would just–”
“Liam, you really don’t have to explain.” Duncan straightened up and leaned his back against the strong trunk of the oak tree. “We hardly know each other, and you’re still settling in and meeting everyone, I guess I just thought…”
I shifted on my feet. “Thought…?”
“I thought we could hang out more. With my friends. You’re new in town, and I wanted to make you feel welcome. But then you disappeared… Which is fine! I’m not trying to make you feel bad, or anything, I just… I think you’re cool, and I want to get to know you better.”
I bit my lip. “I… thought you invited me to this party out of pity…” I admitted softly.
Duncan snapped his attention to me again. “What? Why would you think that?”
I shrugged and went to lean against the tree next to him. “I just happened to be there when Whitney brought it up. I thought you didn’t want me to feel left out of something, I don’t know. It’s just… weird, for me. Being here. I wasn’t trying to avoid you.”
Duncan hummed. “I guess it would be hard to be at a party filled with people you don’t know.”
“That’s not… entirely accurate.” The words had left my mouth before I could think them through, and panic washed over me for a brief moment.
Duncan scrunched his face and looked at me again. “What do you mean?”
I had to recover fast, so I nudged him with my shoulder. “I know you.”
Duncan scrunched his face and laughed. “Okay, okay, I guess that’s kind of true. We half know each other. Maybe 25% know each other.”
I laughed as well, feeling more comfortable than I had felt my entire stay in Chestnut. “25% isn’t a bad start.” I looked up at the sky. It had gotten dark, and the midnight blue clashed against the burning lights dotting the atmosphere. I pointed up at the stars. “Hey. What do you see up there?”
Duncan looked up, then looked back at me. “Um. What does that have to do with anything?”
I shook my head. “Just answer.”
Duncan frowned, looking up at the stars again. He searched for a while like he was trying to find the answer to something. After a long pause, he said, “I see… connections. Patterns. A bunch of dots that we long to find meaning in, so we draw lines around them and call them pictures.”
I smiled. “Yeah. That’s what I thought you’d say.”
Duncan let out a little half-laugh. “Okay, and what do you see, oh mysterious stargazer?”
I didn’t take my eyes away from the sky, a sad smile playing on the corners of my lips. “Faces.”
“Faces?”
I nodded. “Of those long gone.”
The air between us grew slightly tense.
Duncan cleared his throat. “And what was the point of this exercise?”
I turned to him. “Now we know something about each other that’s real.”
Duncan studied my expression for a while, and then he burst out laughing. Doubled over, clutching his stomach, wheezing laughter. The kind of laughter you only find with a close friend.
The kind of laughter I haven’t heard from him in eight years.
It sent a tingle down my spine, curling my toes.
I couldn’t help but join in. “What, was that totally lame?”
Duncan nodded, still doubled over, still clutching his stomach. He was gasping for breath–but in the best way. “Um, yeah, completely lame.”
I gasped and gave him a light smack on his shoulder. “You didn’t have to actually say it!”
“You’re right, Liam, not I know something super deep about you. You’re completely and totally lame.”
I laughed with him. “Oh my god, okay, I’m never getting drunk around you ever again.”
“You say that, but I’m fairly certain neither of us has had more than one drink.”
“Tipsy, then.”
We looked at each other again, and it was seconds before we dissolved into laughter again. We sank to the grassy floor, and eventually, we were laying flat on our backs, staring at the twinkling lights as we laughed.
Eventually, we fell into silence. But it wasn’t a stiff, awkward silence. It was simply... Existing together in space. We could lay there, quiet, and just enjoy each other comfortably. We didn’t need words, because words weren’t the point.
After a few minutes, Duncan took a breath in. “Hey, um…”
I turned to him, still smiling, until I noticed he wasn’t, and his brow was all scrunched up again. My smile faltered. “What is it?”
“When you said you saw faces… faces of people long gone… did you,” he grumbled, “did you have someone in mind?” Duncan refused to look at me, his breath coming out in little puffs against the cold night air.
A lump caught in my throat, and I quickly turned away. “I did,” my voice faltered on the words, strained by the grief I kept locked away in my brain.
“Can I ask who?”
My fingers dug into the grass, and I took fistfuls of green. Tears threatened to spill over my eyes, and I struggled to keep it together. Memories poured into my brain. My father calling me a freak. My mother looking away when I greeted her. Forcing me into that dress… Hearing my mother scream, the night that I left.
The phone call.
That fateful phone call, when they told me my parents were gone.
Forever.
“I’m sorry, you don’t have to tell me. I just… you sounded really far away. I was… I don’t know… I’m sorry for prying.”
Thank god. An out. I ran my hand across my eyes, rubbing away the tears. “No, no, it’s fine. I’m just… a little raw about the whole thing. I guess I’m not handling it as well as I thought.”
“Do you…” he paused like he was treading water, carefully considering his next move. “Do you need someone to talk to about it?”
For a moment, I considered it. For a moment, I thought about how amazing it would be to dump my sorrows. The grief I kept hidden behind a false smile. The complicated pain that could only come from the complicated relationship I had with my parents coming to such an abrupt and untimely end.
Then, I thought better of it.
I shook my head. “Not right now.”
Duncan nodded, turning his attention back to the stars. “Alright. Well, whenever you’re ready. I’m here.”
A warm feeling blossomed in my heart, and I scrambled to beat that shit back into submission.
Feelings for Duncan were the absolute last thing I needed.
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