When I got home from my outing with my mom, I went straight to my computer before I could chicken out and started writing.

Kent,

I’m not sorry for being really angry with you, but I am sorry for the way I worded it. I appreciate your apologies, and while I don’t think they come anywhere close to making up for your absence for over twenty years, I’ll accept what I can get.

I talked about this with my mom because she knows you better than I do, and she seemed okay with the idea of us meeting. I’d rather talk to you in person than over the phone and to be honest I’ve always wanted to see Montana. I don’t have much money, so if you’re willing to pay for the flight, then I’m willing to visit.

Thanks,

Justin

            I only had to wait about two hours for a response.

Justin,

I look forward to meeting you. I found a nonstop flight from LAX to Missoula departing on July 20^th and returning July 26^th. Does this work for you?   

            I sent him back a short affirmative email, and twenty minutes later, I got a confirmation email from Allegiant about my flight. It all happened so quickly that I really didn’t have much of a chance to think about it. Was I really going to go out and meet my dad in a week? Had all this really just happened?

            I frantically dialed Thad, but he wasn’t picking up his phone, probably because he was at work or out doing yard work or the million other things that took up his time because the boy couldn’t sit still. I decided to call Josh instead.

            “You ever been to Montana?” I asked him when he picked up.

            “No, just Alberta. Why?”

            “My dad just bought me a flight to come meet him in Montana.”

            “Like, Gary?”

            “No, not Stupid Gary.”

            “I honestly don’t know why you insist on calling him Stupid Gary like you’re five.”

            “Shut the fuck up and listen to me.”

            Josh grunted in agreement, and I rambled off to him all that had happened: my Facebook message to Zahra, my email exchanges with Kent, and my discussion with my mom. When I got to the end of all of it, Josh whistled in appreciation.

            “Sounds like you’ve got a lot going on,” he said.

            “I don’t know whether I’m excited about this or dreading this.”

            “You can be both.”

            “What if he’s a real fucking asshole?”
            “What, like you?”

            “Shut up, oh my God.”

            Josh laughed, and I felt a little better. Sitting alone in my room and stewing over my problems often made me feel worse but talking them out with Thad or Josh helped pull me back from the ledge.

            “He doesn’t sound like an asshole to me. I don’t know him, but you sent him a nasty email and he sent you one back apologizing and taking full responsibility, so to me it seems like he’s had a lot of therapy.”

            “You think he’s in AA or something?”

            “Probably.”

            “What if he’s some born-again Christian? What if he’s luring me there just so that he can talk to me about Jesus?”

            “You have a wild imagination.”

            “I’m just saying, isn’t AA super religious? Maybe he’s only pretending to be okay with me being gay so that he can save me.”

            Josh was laughing again. “You could probably use a little saving, if you ask me.”

            “I wouldn’t mind being touched by Jesus, just a little. On the tip.”

            That was when Josh lost it, and for the next few minutes we giggled over inappropriate Jesus puns. If my dad was a born-again Christian looking to make a convert out of me, he’d have his work cut out for him.

***

            Shelby was happy to give me some time off work, though I promised I’d try to work at least fifteen hours a week while on vacation. She didn’t seem terribly concerned, and I was reminded of how great my boss was. To think I’d considered passing this job over for more hours at the liquor store.

            I hadn’t been on a plane in a long time, so I had Josh brief me on the process just so that I didn’t feel like a moron in the airport. I drove by LAX all the time but had never actually gone inside. My mother volunteered to drive me, which was enough of a sacrifice, considering what a pain in the ass the traffic was. There was a low level of tension in the car, and my mom couldn’t stop asking me about what I’d packed.

            “Did you pack sunscreen?” she asked.

            “Yeah.”

            “What about a coat? It’s a lot cooler up there.”

            “In July?”

            “It can get cold in the mountains.”

            “I have a sweater. If I need a coat, Kent can give me one.”

            She nodded, her gaze set forward and her hands tight on the steering wheel. “What about hiking boots? You’ll want to do some hiking when you’re there.”

            “I’ve got tennis shoes.”

            “And a hat? If you’re outside, you’ll want a hat.”

            “Kent can give me a hat if I need one.”

            “Right.” She tapped the steering wheel with manicured fingers, biting her lip. I’d thought I was anxious about this trip, but she looked even worse off than I was.

            “You wanna talk about this?” I couldn’t help but ask. “Are you really okay with me going?”

            “Yes, of course.”

            “You don’t seem like it.”

            “I just…” She inhaled deeply and then slouched a little. “I’m worried about how you’ll get along. Plus he’s told me he’s sober, but I’m not sure I can trust him. What if he shows up drunk to the airport?”

            “I’ll let you know how it goes.” When my mom kept tapping the steering wheel, I reached over and grasped her hand. “Mom. It’ll be fine, okay?”

            She nodded and smiled a little, looking unsure. I hadn’t thought I’d need to be the one comforting my mother over this, but coaching her through this helped with my own anxiety. I felt oddly calm, which I knew would probably fade by the time I got to my gate and onto the plane. This would be the first time in my life I’d be flying alone, and I’d be going someplace I couldn’t remember to meet a guy I hadn’t seen since I was a baby. The impact of that hadn’t really hit yet.

            Once we finally got to the departure drop-off, my mom got out of the car to help me pull out my suitcase, but it was only one suitcase and I was stronger than her anyway, so mostly she just got in the way and ended up elbowing me in the chin. She apologized profusely and rubbed at my face, and I batted her away with a laugh.

            “Mom, I’m fine. What is this, my first day at kindergarten?”
            She drew me in for a tight hug, nearly choking the breath from my lungs.

            “I love you so much,” she whispered into my shoulder. “Be safe, okay?”

            I nodded. “I love you, too.”

            She wiped at the tears forming in her eyes before kissing my cheek, ruffling my hair, and walking back around the car. After waving and again wishing me good luck, she got into the car and drove off, leaving me alone at the gate. Taking a shaky breath to control my own erratic emotions, I turned around and headed into the airport, hoping I’d survive the next five hours before I met the man who had only lived in my imagination for the past twenty years.