“Uh, shit,” I said. I really, really needed a bath, but I had no idea how to ask about that. 

The maid, who was by now used to random swearing preceding a request, perked up. 

“Bath?” I asked, miming scrubbing at my armpits. 

Either I really, really stank, or she had been anticipating the request. Probably both. She led me over to a door at the corner of the room and opened it. Inside was an honest to god bathroom, exactly like the ones we had at home. There was a porcelain toilet and everything. 

I breathed a deep sigh of relief on that one. I can deal with the Middle Eastern style toilets that you have to squat over, and I have no problem pissing on trees or shitting in holes in the woods. But the idea of doing my business in a bucket just didn’t sit right with me. 

The maid promptly began drawing up a bath in the large tub. It was probably big enough for two, but I wasn’t about to test that theory. While it was filling, she dragged me over to a separate shower area. I’m guessing they borrowed that idea from the Japanese.

I was too tired to protest as she stripped me out of my pants, though I did gently push her hands away whenever they got a little too adventurous. Ordinarily I’d have no problem with an attractive woman having her way with me, but there were too many unknowns. Would she expect payment? Well, I didn’t have money. Were STDs a thing here? Hard to say with magic. Pregnancy was certainly a concern. Unless I stashed some in my cleaning kit, I was shit out of luck when it came to condoms, and I knew too many guys who had fuck trophies from one night stands. Call me crazy, but I wasn’t eager to plant a baby in someone I’d just met, doubly so since I couldn’t explain the situation to her. 

Nonetheless, I managed to get settled onto the little stool provided, sprayed myself down with the hose (the water was gloriously hot), and got to lathering up. The soap smelled pleasant enough, but it was a little harsher on the skin than I was used to. Lye-based, maybe? That would make sense. 

I halfway expected the maid to start scrubbing my back, and I wasn’t disappointed. What’s more, she was really good at it, too. Strong fingers kneaded the tense muscles in my back and shoulders, while the other hand worked the sponge around with surprising tenderness. She was careful not to get too much of the stinging soap into the red areas where the IOTV had chafed, which was much appreciated. 

I tried to turn around to offer thanks, and immediately turned right the hell back around when I realized that she’d stripped out of her maid’s uniform, probably to protect it from the harsh lye soap. She didn’t seem all that shy about skin, but I wasn’t about to try to send the wrong message by letting my gaze wander.

Once I was sufficiently cleansed of the day’s filth and rinsed, I made my way over to the tub. I was careful to keep eyes front, so as not to offend. The water was nearly scalding hot, but I didn’t care. I sank into it with a blissful moan as the heat worked its way into my exhausted muscles. 

Strong hands nudged me forward, until my ass was in the center of the tub. I felt more than heard someone slip into the water behind me. Had I been an iota less exhausted, I’d have protested, but sleep was already starting to claw at my consciousness. Maybe having a bath buddy wouldn’t be such a bad idea. It would really suck to die twice in the same day. Those same strong hands pulled back on my shoulders, coaxing me to lie back a little. I felt my head rest on something warm and soft, and before I knew it, I was fast asleep.