Mirren was beginning to wonder why exactly he had prevented Felix from going back home.

He knew that there were many reasons, and many more than those that could have encouraged him to go back there, and it was certainly not the first time they had slept in the same bed, even if it was the first for about three years, given that lately Felix he had started to sleep in his house less and less, and when he did, he was confined to the guest room. Bonnie claimed Mirren's bed had gotten too small to accommodate them both.

Stupid homophobic!

Mirren's bed was big enough for three people, and they would also lie wide.

Though Mirren had silently enjoyed the idea, even if he would never admit it. Mainly because admitting it would bring to light the fact that he was starting to find himself uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed as his best friend, and admitting this fact would lead to two possible situations: a dejected Felix convinced that Mirren was starting to get tired of him; or a Felix with indefinable emotions who guessed feelings Mirren might or might not have for him.

Feelings that Mirren denied with absolute and total conviction, especially to himself, and that could not be the cause of the discomfort he felt while being in the same bed as his best friend.

But since the first hypothesis was also not true, and Mirren was uneasy, the boy preferred that the matter remain buried in the deepest parts of his subconscious.

Unfortunately that day the guest room had been taken by Norman, Denny had asked to sleep on the sofa, and Amabelle, as often happened, had been accommodated in Petra's room. Mirren could hear her chatting even from his bed, and he tried to focus on her and not on the figure lying behind him, distant but far too attached to him for his liking.

And as he tried to distract himself from the idea, he kept wondering why he had insisted Felix stayed at their house.

He was worried about the snow, about the blackout and his friend had had an ‘attack’ that very afternoon, but the house was right next door, he could very well have done those eighty or one hundred meters of road.

…no, it was definitely better that he hadn't.

The snow kept coming down, and Felix could have gotten pneumonia or something. At least there, even if a little cold, they were indoors.

But why did they have to stay in the same bed?!

He was almost tempted to put him in Bonnie and his father's room, even though it was an off-limits area and changing the sheets certainly wouldn't go unnoticed.

Deep in thought, he sighed heavily, cursing himself for being so nervous about sleeping in the same bed with his best friend.

“Trouble sleeping?” the voice of the aforementioned friend behind him made him jump. He was so intent on complaining about having him in bed that he had almost forgotten about him, however absurd it might seem.

“I’m just thinking about work. I haven't been able to finish the accounts, and I don't know how to go to the office tomorrow in this weather” he lied, even if the excuse was really credible.

He heard the blankets move, and sensed that Felix had turned in his direction. He didn't dare do the same.

“Don't worry, I'm sure the streets will be cleaned up, and if you arrive late you will be justified, and you won't be the only one. As far as accounting is concerned, you will recover without any problems. You're the best” Felix reassured him, putting a hand on his back to comfort him.

Mirren couldn't help but retreat slightly, and Felix removed it. Mirren felt him move away.

“This weather is annoying” Mirren tried to recover himself, sighing again.

“Yes, even if Ames was happy as a squirrel. I hope my family is fine” Felix commented, a bit worried.

“They're doing great. You saw the morse code from the window, too” Mirren reassured him.

“Yes, but still…” the blankets moved again, Felix had turned his back to him again “… I really need a smoke” he heard him muttering to himself.

Mirren bit his lip against the urge to scold him for his habit, and fell silent.

“Do you have another blanket by any chance?” Felix asked then, pulling the blanket towards him but meeting great resistance from Mirren.

“Yes, but they're in Bonnie's closet, which she always locks” Mirren reminded him.

He heard Felix snort.

“I hate this one” he commented to himself, and then turned over in bed.

Mirren could take it no more, and turned to him, to look at him.

He was on his back, staring at the ceiling he couldn't see in the dark with the blanket mostly pulled up over his head.

Noticing Mirren's movement, he turned his head towards him. Their faces were close…too close. Way too much.

Mirren moved away slightly.

“I’d give you a hot water bottle, but they're all electric” he commented, apologetic, to bring down the tension that was starting to solidify in the room.

“Don't worry. Your warmth will be enough for me” Felix commented, chuckling and staring back at the ceiling.

“What do you mean by that?” Mirren asked, moving further away and risking falling off the bed. Felix gave no sign of noticing that, and remained motionless.

“There are two of us in the same bed, so you warm me up, in a certain way. Norman and Denny aren't so lucky. Sure, it would be better if you hugged me but…” he tried to suggest with a chuckle.

“Don't talk nonsense, Durke!” Mirren got defensive.

“I know, I know, I'm kidding. I’m just saying, it would be easier to sleep, I admit it…” he continued to provoke him, Mirren snorted and turned his back to him again, as if to close the conversation there.

“Don't take it so badly, Mirr, or I'll think you're starting to get tired of me” Felix pretended to be offended.

He was only joking, Mirren knew that, he knew full well, but the knowledge didn't stop his heart from tumbling in his chest and threatening to stop beating.

He turned back to Felix, and approached him with some hesitation, but determined to show him that he would never get tired of him, and their friendship was worth more than anything to Mirren.

Felix looked like he was about to say something, but the words died between his lips as Mirren put his arms around his chest and hugged him shyly.

He wasn't exactly hugging him, more like having one arm around his torso and the other resting on his shoulder.

Otherwise, their bodies barely touched, but by Mirren's standards they were practically entwined.

The contact with Felix's warm body was actually pleasant. Too pleasant. Almost unpleasant as pleasant as it was, even if it was a contradiction.

“So, happy?” Mirren asked him trying to keep a tone as neutral as possible, but being vaguely annoyed... maybe... or maybe more tense... nervous... satisfied... no, not the last one. It didn't make sense.

“Yes…” Felix admitted, in a whisper “…too much” he added then, in a barely audible tone, closing his eyes, approaching Mirren and placing his head against his shoulder. The boy gave in to the fact that they would be like this all night. And it wasn't a pleasant awareness.

Why had he accepted?!

But above all, why wouldn't he have wanted to accept?

They had been friends practically all their lives. They had always been together, they had slept in the same bed for years and they talked to each other about everything, or almost everything. If there was one person with whom he could sleep embraced in the same bed without feeling annoyed by the contact, it was Felix.

Yet doing so was hurting him. Emotional but almost physical pain, making his heart race and his hands shake.

And he couldn't understand why? Logically, it didn't make any sense.

The reason was actually extremely simple, but Mirren arrived at it only when he was inevitably one step away from the world of dreams, trying, in every possible way, to ignore the warmth of his friend, and his breathing which had become regular pretty soon.

The real reason sleeping with Felix bothered him so much was because the idea was too good for him to accept.

Because he was feeling so good that he felt bad about it. He was completely at peace and at the same time absolutely terrified.

This too was a huge contradiction. But Mirren seemed to be made up entirely of contradictions.