Rules:

- If I catch my thoughts going to the past, I'll change my activity.

- Focus on doing things that are nice or important.

- I can be sad or angry. I just need to focus on being in a Present Mindset.

- I stay away from my usual destructive habits/quick fixes, like stuffing myself with junk food or binging an entire show.

- If the hour's up and I wanna continue, then I'll do that. If my energy is getting low, then I'll stop.

I made it over an hour without thinking about the past. Yay!

23-02-19

This day is harder. I struggled to keep myself present and got a mild headache. I managed to get more progress done, on a project, but it was hard to feel good about it because of today's mindset.

A part of it is boredom. Even though I'm employed, I haven't gotten much work so money is still tight for now. I gotta be careful of how much I spend.

So I slow-cooked and chowed down on some maple-flavoured asperagus while watching a game demo.

23-02-20

Well, I decided to give myself an easier task today and did the challange in the afternoon while napping. It worked! : D

23-02-21

I struggled a little bit today, but I was able to spend the hour mostly focusing on a mini project since I had no work today.

23-02-22

I spent the hour preparing and eating lunch and researching for a creaive project.

23-02-24

Took a break yesterday due to it being busy and shitty.

As for today, I tried to use work to help me focus.

~~~

So, that was one week of the challenge. I've also noticed something else and that's that the days where I struggled were the days I woke up in the middle of the night yelling/reliving the past and tossing around. I've only remembered bits of the dreams, which is troubling because I usually have a better awareness or memories of dreaming. When I do, it's one of the older family members.

Yeeaaaaah, I've always thought I had some variant of PTSD from this stuff. I raised the topic when I was looking into councilling and mental health. I was told that I would only get tested and a diagnosis if I was seeking treatment, such as drugs. Since I didn't know the ways it was affecting me, I didn't go further. Now, I think I can consceptualize how I'm acting that doesn't fit into my other diagnosises, it's hurting me, so I'm going to put it on my to-do list to seek out more help. New Brunswick has had problems in the healthcare industry as of late, so I don't know how or when I could get it, but it's worth looking into.

And if that doesn't work, well, there's always some spiritual people I know to do astral projection on.

Fuck feeling sorry for myself, I'm getting out of this pit.