Falling Slow
Mar 23, 2023
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I like where you chose to start this story—it's a strong first chapter, setting up the premise and several questions right off the bat. The chapter answers enough of the questions to be satisfying, and leaves enough open for the reader to wonder about.
I like the bits of humor sprinkled in and appreciate that some of the more antiquated phrasing in the narration illustrates that the narrator is from a different, perhaps more traditional world.
I think if anything, in this opening chapter, I might want to know a little bit more about the narrator’s state of mind and how he came to the decision to stay with Tristan. The big question at the end of this chapter is what the narrator did to end up exiled, which is great, but I'm not sure immediately if it's desperation that has driven him to Tristan's home or if he wants to be there. It sounds like he was communicating with Tristan before he was exiled, but we also know he didn't actually choose to leave. I’m not 100% sure if his reactions to Tristan and his “what the hell am I doing here?” inner monologue is actual fear or just kind of initial discomfort at being in an unfamiliar place.
The only time I hit a snag reading was when it went from “Didn’t believe what?” to relative descriptions of the characters’ sizes and angels’ dietary needs (or lack thereof) to Tristan answering. I think you could probably find a better place to get that character description/angel lore in.
I am also curious exactly what scent Big Jim's Sex Sauce is giving off lol.
Really strong start! My interest is piqued. :)
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