I most certainly brought Malachai’s behavior on myself. Whatever protectiveness I had been able to get him to rescind came back in overbearing possessiveness. I didn’t entirely hate it, knowing he saw me as something he owned. I had agreed to it, anyway. I think, deep down, I wanted someone to claim ownership of me, to make the tough life decisions for me. But my desire to find Chirizukakaiou was something he couldn’t dictate to me. I had made up my mind the minute he told me he didn’t want me going alone, and it was something I had to do by myself. He didn’t know the stories of the youkai like I did. He would try to attack anything we encountered, only doing more harm than good.

I resolved to leave before dawn, when he would be asleep, and I could sneak out easily. Only he was a vampire, a creature of the night, and while I had seen him sleep, I wasn’t entirely sure he needed to sleep. Just as I had seen him eat the food for the flesh, he had no need to consume anything other than blood. I had only flipped open the comforter of my futon, barely a second to get my bearings in the dark when he had pinned me down. His hands gripped my wrists and pushed them into the soft mattress, blue eyes shining in the darkness.

“Where are you going?” He was calm, commanding. If I wasn’t upset at him stopping me, I would’ve thought this was a little sexy. “Don’t lie. I can smell liars.”

I didn’t bother trying to release his grip from my wrists. I met his gaze. “I have to go, Malachai.” Maybe I wanted to get a rise out of him. He had more control over himself, over me, and I wanted to know where those boundaries ended. How far could I push before he would push back twice as hard as me? “You can’t come with me.”

He seemed to press his entire body into me without moving a single inch. “I said no.” He dug his hips into mine between my legs. “You are mine. Mine.” He loosened his grip on my wrists, almost as if it was a test on my part. “You understand what that means, right, August?” His mouth hovered above mine. “Or did I never teach you?” Every place his body touched mine, his breath hit my skin, I felt my blood rush to meet his touch. “You know what I’ll do if I have to teach you, yeah?” I nodded, hoping he could see me in the dark. “Say it.” His hands grew tighter around my wrists.

I swallowed. “You’ll…fuck…me…?”

“Yeah, I will.” He moved his hips once, ever so slightly, like we were already engaged in the act. “No toys…just you, me, and my…cock,” the way he said it against my ear with such hard consonants made me shiver, “reminding you who you belong to.” He repositioned his hands, both my wrists in one tight grip above my head. “Do I have to teach you, dragă?” He slid his hand down my clothed body, stopping at the loosened obi tie.

My thoughts were becoming muddy as the scent of honeysuckle engulfed me. “Yeah,” I said, any desire of leaving sinking in the goop of my brain.

He let go of my wrists, undid the obi, sliding his hands under my yukata, pushing it open. He pushed into my skin as he moved his hands upward, his thumbs rubbing at a spot under my nipples. “I want to know when it starts to hurt.” He squeezed my nipples between his fingers. “I want to know how much you can take.”

He applied more pressure gradually, and gradually, he started to pull. I tried to keep my voice in, I didn’t know how far we were from our hosts’ rooms, and getting found out was an ever present worry. He pulled harder, as if to tear my nipples right off my chest. I hadn’t felt anything too strongly at first, much more focused on his hips against mine, at the thought of only thin fabrics keeping us apart. The dull ache never fully became something I loved or hated; it didn’t hurt, nor did I feel any pleasure from it. He let go and rubbed them, as if to disperse any pain.

Malachai’s hand slipped under the waistband of my underwear, his hand wrapping around me. Any thoughts I was desperately holding onto were slowly slipping away as he moved his hand. It learned all the spots that made me writhe under him. I tried to find purchase on the tatami, my fingernails scraping at it, the sound mixing with his breathing in my ear. “Tell me,” his voice seemed to come from deep in his throat, “if you’re about to come.” I nodded, his words one of the few things sticking in my head.

His other hand dug into my skin, fingernails causing shallow scratches as he brought it lower on my body. My underwear removed, his hand moved faster, I closed my eyes at the oppressive darkness. I flinched at something cold, my body tensing as his fingers tried to enter me. I relaxed, just as he had taught me to, and I felt it slide in slowly, each time it pulled back, it pushed in even deeper. It could go farther in than my own fingers. It poked at me from inside, pressing down on something that made me jolt. I told him, through shallow breathing and swallowed moans, that if he kept going, I was going to come.

He stopped his hand and squeezed, another finger gliding in, doubling the pressure. “Remember this feeling, dragă,” he squeezed harder, I balled my hands into fists, focusing as much as I could on the feeling of wanting to come and being unable to. “If I tell you no…” He didn’t need to finish his sentence for me to understand what he meant.

He let go, resumed his motions, and something much thicker filling me up. He moved slow, letting me get used to the feeling, and he scratched his teeth against my Adam’s apple. The desire for him to bite me welled up in me, that becoming my only focus. I wanted his teeth in me more than I wanted anything else. His pace quickened at a leisure, soon drawing my attention from his teeth as his fingers resumed their work on my nipples. I kept asking him if I could come, and his answer was always no until I couldn’t bear any more. He continued this torture, this training, until sun tried to sneak through the windows, and I could barely feel my waist, could barely keep myself awake. I wasn’t even sure if he had come a single time.

I spent most of the day lying in my futon, the strength in my legs gone from our early morning activities. Malachai didn’t want to leave my side, it could’ve been out of guilt, but it seemed more likely it was out of possessiveness. I was his thing, he had tried to break his toy and he felt the need to nurse it back to health. It wouldn’t change my mind on going to find Chirizukakaiou, if he knew anything about hiding my horns and fangs, I needed to find him.

It did, however, feel nice to be worried after and doted on. He sat next to me, brushing my hair from my forehead, asking me if I needed or wanted anything every so often, asking if I was in any pain or experiencing any discomfort. He held my hand, kissed the back of it so many times I lost count. The next time he asked me if there was something he could get me, I told him there was. “What do I have to say for you to let me find Chirizukakaiou?”

He looked as if he were thinking about it, only his mind had been made up prior. “Nothing,” he said. “My answer will remain no. I’ll chain you to me if I have to.”

I scolded myself for beginning to imagine what he could do, would do, to me with chains. “Malachai, the thought of facing Chirizukakaiou scares the living hell out of me.” I knew what he was going to ask the minute he opened his mouth. I held up a finger so I could finish speaking. “But I knew, deep, deep down, I’d have to face my fear at some point.” I looked past him, at the shoji, at each stroke of paint that would have taken delicate force to apply without tearing the paper. “I have to do it alone. I…I relied on Shii too much when I was younger…I need to know that I’ll be okay when I’m by myself.”

I couldn’t tell if confusion or concern filled his face. “I want you to rely on me,” he said, almost as if he were hurt. “I want to be the first person you go to for help.” He squeezed my hand. “I want…I want you to know that I’ll protect you from everything and anything.”

I sat up, ignoring the pain in my lower back. “I get that, Malachai, but don’t you have something you’re afraid of that…that you know you have to face by yourself?” He shook his head. “Really?” I asked, “What about this ‘Mr. Blaga’?”

Malachai let go of my hand and pushed up his glasses. “I’m…not…sure how I…” He plastered on a smile and told me to lie back down, and that he’d get me anything I wanted.

I sighed. The only way I would be able to see Chirizukakaiou was if I left while he was away. I sent him on a mission to get me water, the moment he closed the shoji door behind him did I get up on shaky legs. My lower body hurt, I powered the most of the pain, throwing a kimono inside of my already packed bag. I left as fast as I could, slipping into the first pair of waraji I saw. I didn’t have time to tie them properly, or at all, and took of west, into the forest, after a quick glance at the sun.

In the light, the forest wasn’t all that bad, but I knew by night fall it’d be filled with all sorts of things. I didn’t even grab a lantern, nor did I pack a flashlight when we hiked up to Kisankoku. I’d have to go as far as I could in the daylight, and hope to run into kenmun I could befriend. I had to take breaks every so often to keep myself from keeling over in pain. The first break, I tied the waraji properly and layered the kimono over my yukata. I could practically hear my mother yelling at me to get properly dressed, but this would have to do for now.

When night fell, I regretted not grabbing a jacket, even a thin haori would have been a welcome. I tried to curl in on myself, looking to and fro in the dark to catch sight of any dim flames, or even a bit of smoke rising in the air. I kept sniffing the air, hoping to smell anything reminiscent of a fire. I thought I felt things touch at me, fingers grazing loosely at any bits of exposed skin. I could’ve sworn something large bumped into me. If I didn’t tell myself it was only my imagination, I would’ve been too scared to continue on. That’s when they’d get me, curled up in a ball on the forest floor, unable to fight back.

I shuffled on, making sure there were no trees lurking in front of me to walk into. A chill ran through me, vague thoughts of a certain youkai bubbling to the surface of my mind. I pushed them down, wishing, praying, for a fire, for a kenmun. At first, I thought the small spark of light was only my imagination, but the closer I moved to it, the more it appeared real. “Oi, kenmun-san,” I called out to it, not caring if my voice called forth more sinister things.

The light shifted, getting a little brighter. “Oni-san,” the light started moving closer to me, “you’re quite far from the village.” It met me halfway, staring up at me while the light on its head illuminated the area around it. “Are you lost?”

“Hai, yes, I’m lost,” I said. “I need help finding Chirizukakaiou-sama’s house.” It’s face scrunched up. “And-and maybe to warm my hands for a bit.”