On the plus side, Mother's day is coming up this month. I'm sure as anyone has guessed by now - or maybe I mentioned it before - but Lyndsay is my mother. For the last two Mother's Days, she's taken advantage of them to be rude and innapropriate with me. It's been either passive-aggressive comments about fights we had weeks before or bringing up that she's my mother and holding it over my head.

This however, I have a plan. It's something I've been thinking about.

At first, I wanted to take that day to finish and send that letter to formally cut ties with her. But digging deeper into my feelings through a Shadow Work session, I realized that I want no contact with her that day. I want nothing to do with her. At the same time, however, I can't just do nothing. That won't satisfy me, either. I know the only way to get through that day is to give attention to both my Conscious and Ego. All my life, it's felt like they've been at war because I felt like I could only pay attention to one or the other in a situation, but through Shadow Work and some Light Work, I've been able to find ways to accomodate both and I think I know one.

I just got a new summer job and I'm starting next week. I can use that money to afford a better phone plan and contact some other family and friends. See, Mother's Day isn't just about the biological matriarch, it can be about all the women in your life. I'm going to contact some of the great gals in my life and let them know how much I love them.

I came to this conclusion because I was able to figure out exactly what my real intentions were. While I understand my position back then with homelessness on the line and why I let her get away with her bullshit, I think letting walk on me was still wrong. I think it was wrong that I was giving my time, attention, and energy to someone who demanded it but never appreciated it. I'm going to give it to someone who will appreciate it. I don't know for sure if that will let me walk away from the nightmares, but I'm gonna give it a shot.